Funny Pick Up Lines Dirty Funny Pick Up Lines Dirty Tumblr
Naughty Pick-up Lines!
This one is PURELY NS.F.W!!! Change pronouns to fit your muse, yadda, yadda.
Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you?
You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
We should play strip poker. You can strip and I'll poke you.
My magical watch says you're not wearing any panties? Oh you are? Darn, it must be an hour fast.
Some men go around telling women they have an eight-inch penis, but I'd never shortchange myself like that.
I hope you're a plumber, because you've got my pipe leaking.
Let's play Barbie. I'll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.
Are you butt dialing? Because I swear that ass is calling me.
My couch pulls out but I don't.
If you were an elevator, what button would I have to push to get you to go down?
You're so hot even my zipper is falling for you.
Let me guess your favorite position: anything that involves my balls bouncing against your ass.
My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
Do you have pet insurance? Because your pussy's getting smashed tonight.
My allergies are acting up. Because every time your around my dick swells up.
You're just like a wine tasting. They say to spit, but I always prefer swallowing.
I've just received government funding for a 4 hr expedition to find your G-spot.
Are you a supermarket sample? Because I wanna taste you again and again without any sense of shame.
You look so good, I wanna kiss your lips and move up to your bellybutton.
I like my coffee how I like my woman… creamed.
I'll show you my tan lines if you'll show me yours.
Sit on my face and I'll eat my way to your heart.
Great dress/pants. I'm sorry I'll have to rip it apart.
Bet I can touch your belly button… from the inside.
I bet your nipples are pink. Mind if I take a look?
I'll kiss you in the rain so you get twice as wet.
Lie down on that couch and pretend your legs hate each other.
You're like my pinky toe, I'm gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
Do you know why they call me the cat whisperer? Because I know exactly what your pussy needs.
You know how your hair would look really good? In my lap.
Your ass is pretty tight, want me to loosen it up?
Do you know the difference between my dick and a chicken wing? No? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out.
I'm like a Rubik's Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get.
I'm a mindreader and yes I will sleep with you.
I want to wear you like a pair of sunglasses… One leg over each ear.
So you're not into casual sex? Fine, I'll put on a tux and we can call it formal sex.
My dick's been feeling dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
Why pay for a bra when I would gladly hold your boobs up all day for free?
Are you a tortilla? Because I want to flip you over and eat you out.
Are you the lottery lady on TV? Because I'm picturing you holding up my balls.
I'm a bird watcher & I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have you seen one?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes.
Did you grow up on a chicken farm? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.
I'd love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your face.
Your smile is almost as big, warm, and lovely as my dick.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore. My face should be among them.
Want to see if you can add "has an awesome gag reflex" to your resume?
Can you do telekinesis? Because you've made a part of me move without even touching it.
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#2
version 1: I wish I was your homework so you can do me all night long.
version 2: I wish I was your homework so you can slam me on your desk and do me all night long.
lols dis one dirty XD
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Pick up lines - Avatar Edition
You may not be a firebender, but you can set me on fire
You may not be a waterbender, but you can make me wet
You're not an earthbender, but you make me hard
You're not an airbender, no need to be fast
Help me with my bending training, I'll try to bend your fire
Let's make the walls shake like it was an earthbending training
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Oh, please. Can you give me one more?
MIDNIGHT SERIES: DIRTY LAUNDRY (2022) TRAILER
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u said saiki is ocd now u gotta give hc
The closest Kusuke has come to death is when he fucked with how his lil bros bookshelves were organized to install his bugs.
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Newt: Hey, Tina, are you a trafficked creature?
Tina: ???
Newt: Because I'd like to take you home!
Jacob:
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More dirty pick up linesss
You've been a bad. Go to my room
Hi, I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus
If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head
The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to your place and spread the word
Your body is a wonderland, and I want to be Alice
If you don't want to have kids with me, then why don't we just practice
Do you know what would look good on you? Me
Sit on my lap and tell me the first thing that pops up
Did you fart because you blew me away
Do you know karate because your body is kickin
Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged
Your Daddy must have been a baker, cause you got the nicest set of buns I've ever seen
Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on
You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear
Do I know you from somewhere? Because I don't recognize you with your clothes on
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed
I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle
You're like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package
I hope there's a fireman around, cause you're smokin'!
Are you smoking? (No!) Oh, yes you are!
Hey I just realized this, but you look a lot like my next girlfriend
You're so hot, that when I look at you I get a tan
You look so sweet you're giving' me a toothache
Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after
Are you from Tennessee? Cause you're the only TEN I see
Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged
You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear
I bet you $40 you're gonna turn me down
Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor
Let's go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply
Wanna play war? I'll lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me
If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head?
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
If I told you I had a 2-inch dick would you fuck me? (No) Good, because mine is 8 inches.
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas
I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK…
Hey I'm looking for a treasure, Can I look around your chest?
Are you gay? (No) Wow, me neither, let's have sex
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh
Let us let only latex stand between our love
Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit
Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited
Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven't got any, how about a cock?
(Look down at your crotch) It's not just going to suck itself
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under
Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut?
Do you believe guys think with their dick? (Yeah.) Well, in that case, will you blow my mind?
There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex.
Do you believe in free love? (No) Then how much for a blowjob?
Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it
Do you live on a chicken farm? (No) You sure know how to raise cocks
That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
Do I know you from somewhere? Because I don't recognize you with your clothes on
Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?
Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list
Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? (No) Well then, allow me to introduce myself.
That dress looks great on you… as a matter of fact, so would I
Let's have a party and invite your pants to come on down
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i know the rest of you dont lsiten to christmas music in august so this is irrelevantb ut. why are there so many songs about wanting to fukc santa what the hell.
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250 Funny Pick Up Lines For Tinder
250 Funny Pick Up Lines For Tinder
Looking for some funny pick up lines for tinder to make them fall in love with you? Well, you've come to the right place, below are 250 funny pick up lines for tinder that you can start using right away with your chosen matches! To date, tinder is one of the most popular sites on the internet that actually helps you find the love of your life. By simply choosing the right words to use in your…
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Ok just saw the clone appreciation post and let's get this ball rollin for some clone lovin. I honestly wanna see Jesse and Fives having a flirting battle to see who can make reader blush the most (It was a bet between the 501st to see who was better) and Jesse has a HUGE crush on the reader. So we will go with 5 and 13 cause why not, low key just wanna see Jesse upset after fives wins and you make him feel better.(love your stories plz keep posting cause I am in love with your writing)
Hkhskahdks i had the MOST fun with this!! (Prompts from here!) (for this!)
5. "Oh, you're jealous!"
13. "Are you flirting with me?" "You finally noticed?"
warnings: naughty pick-up lines
~~~
79's is pulsing with life as you toss back another shot of fire whiskey and laugh at something one of the patrons said. Working here can be sucky, but on nights when big groups come in, it can be kind of fun. You've got the regulars, including two of the famous "blue boys," both of whom are notorious flirts.
You're familiar with them both, of course. Have fended them off plenty of times. Jesse and Fives, the dynamic duo no one really saw coming. Both of them stumble up to the bar, laughing and shoving.
"Hey, boys," you say, already moving to make the drinks they always order. Fives elbows Jesse in the side, and mutters something, causing Jesse to blush bright red.
"Hey yourself," Fives says, when Jesse remains silent. You point to the glasses you're preparing.
"Want another round?" Fives nods, then leans around Jesse, onto the bar.
"Sure, but also, I gotta ask: aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?" You blink at him, his words taking a second to register. Jesse facepalms.
"Works here, probably," you hear Jesse mutter. You can't help it. You burst out laughing as Fives looks down at his hands.
"Ah. Yes. That would make sense," he says. The big grin is back on his face in seconds.
"In that case," Fives says, "do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?" Jesse groans and you laugh harder.
"Stop, I'm begging you," you say. "Maker, those are awful." Fives grins.
"I can go all night, baby. I got loads of these." You raise your eyebrow and look at Jesse.
"That true?" you ask him. He gives you a long-suffering sigh and nods.
"Yes. I've heard him go all. night." Fives snags one of the drinks you're making and takes a sip.
"If mine are so bad, let's hear yours," he says to Jesse. "We'll make it a game." He looks at you.
"First one to make you blush wins." You smirk.
"Bring it. I hear all kinds of nasty stuff. I bet neither of you win." Fives clears his throat and mimes straightening a tie.
"To start off, let me just say, being around you is like flipping a switch. I was feeling a little off today, but you turned me on." You and Jesse boo, and you face him.
"Hit me," you say to Jesse who looks down, then clears his throat.
"They say that kissing is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation with me?" He smiles as he says it. You groan and Fives lays his head on the bar top.
"That was so bad," you say, enjoying the little laugh he gives you.
"I know," he says. Fives nudges him with his shoulder and takes over, leaning off the bar as he speaks.
"I'm not into watching sunsets, but I'd love to see you go down." You mock gag.
"That one was even worse," you say, even as you're tempted to blush. Jesse shoves Fives to the side, taking over.
"Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night," he says. It's incredibly sweet, and it nearly gets you in a way Fives' dirty flirting hasn't. But you don't want to lose. Before you can recover, Fives is speaking again.
"Your clothes look so uncomfortable. Why don't you let me help you take them off?" It catches you off-guard and the flush spreads across your chest and into your face at the image of Fives stripping you.
"Ha!" he says, slamming his fist down on the bar. You laugh and pass him another drink. Jesse rolls his eyes, the light humor gone, and he steps away from the bar. You frown a little at his back, watching as he slips out a side door.
"Hey, I'll be right back," you say to Fives who waves you off.
You follow Jesse outside.
"Hey," you call. He turns around, stopping when he sees it's you.
"Tired of Fives already?" he asks. You frown at him.
"No? What?" You're confused. Jesse looks away, and it dawns on you.
"Oh! You're jealous!" Jesse scoffs.
"I am not," he says. You smile and poke his side.
"Yes, you are." Jesse rolls his eyes.
"Can you blame me? You've seen Fives at work." You sigh. Jesse, bless his heart, can be so oblivious. For all the time Fives has spent flirting with you, you've spent more time trying to flirt with Jesse. It's time to take a different tact.
"I'm on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?" you say. Jesse stares blankly at you.
"What?" he says. You sigh and lean in closer.
"Can you tell me what time you'll come back to my place, please?" Jesse splutters and backs away.
"I- what?" He's cute when he's confused.
"Jesse," you say, placing a hand on his cheek and speaking slowly and deliberately. "I love my bed, but I'd rather be in yours." It's as clear as you can make it. Jesse's eyes widen.
"Are you flirting with me?" he asks. You smile at him.
"You finally noticed?" It's his turn to blush, and you close the gap, kissing him gently and testing the waters. Jesse's arms wrap around you, tugging you closer. His lips slant over your own.
He pulls back a little, grinning against your mouth.
"Did you mean what you said earlier?" he asks. You lean closer, so you can whisper into his ear.
"Stick around and find out."
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star is like the sweetest girl you will ever meet but then she's the horny one in a relationship
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Avengers (vol. 1) #503 The Avengers Disassembled, Chaos part 4 writer: Brian Michael Bendis artist: David Finch
"Please forget we are talking about your friend. And listen to me tell you the story of an orphaned mutant with a sordid, violent past. With powers she did not earn nor can she control. Powers she never fully understood. Can you understand the delicate mindset of a woman, a person, who has control over reality? It means reality controls her. Imagination becomes the enemy. Structure disappears. Reality, eventually, as she knows it, starts to slip away. Elude her. Blur. Drama, conflict, tragedy. They become excuses to change the world to fit the image that she has for it. Anything she doesn't like, she can change. No matter how slight. People. Places. Things. Everything is hers to change. But every time she does that, every time she gives in to her desires, no matter how noble they may be -.a little more of her slips away. She loses herself. Her reason. But she struggles quietly every day to keep it in check - to keep it all together. For a person of strong mind and body, for a person of pure spirit, the task of coping with these powers would be all-consuming. But here's a woman for whom, by the nature of her upbringing and chosen occupation, every day is stressful, chaotic. And after a life lived with lost love, violence, and drama, what does she do? She says to herself: "I deserve happiness. I want to bring something into this world that is good. That I can love." And she gives birth to children.,, even though she can't. She played mommy to make herself feel like someone she thinks is normal. And that ends tragically as well? If I told you a story like this, you'd say to yourself this sounds like a person who has lost control of themselves on a deep psychological level. You'd say this sounds like a disturbed person. Now does anything I have described not sound like Wanda Maximoff?"
- Doctor Strange
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My Favorite Michael Clifford Moment
My Favorite Michael Clifford Moment has to be the "Dirty Titanic Pick Up Line".
Michael: Let's Play Titanic. You"ll Be Iceberg And I'll Go Down". Ashton's face is priceless and Luke just shakes his head and turns around while Calum just gives this blank kind of look.
youtube
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Sirius: The doctor said I'm lacking Vitamin D
Remus: I think the line is "the doctor said I'm lacking Vitamin U."
Sirius:
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Hello my lovely wife... let's play titanic. You'll be the iceberg and I'll go down on you 😇 (I'm v sorry but I'm feeling bold. Love you bby)
Good morning to you too, amore
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Baekhyun: My legs for you are like McDonald's: open 24/7
Chanyeol: Uh yeah but I can get food from McDonald's and not from your legs so your point?
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Source: https://www.tumgir.com/tag/Dirty%20Pick%20up%20lines