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Home / Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego Chief Lassie

Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego Chief Lassie

Carmen Sandiego is the principal villain in a famous edutainment computer game series of the same name.

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? (game show) [edit]

Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? (1991-1995) was a popular children's television game show loosely based off the computer games of the same name created by now defunct Brøderbund Software. World aired on PBS and starred Lynne Thigpen as "The Chief", with Greg Lee as "The ACME Special Agent in charge of training new recruits" and Rockapella as the house vocal band and comedy troupe. Rockapella featured Barry Carl (bass), Sean Altman, (tenor) Elliot Kerman, (baritone) and Scott Leonard (high tenor) with Jeff Thacher (vocal percussion) joining in the final season.

Season 1 [edit]

(opening lines)
(camera zooms across audience)
Chief: All these people want to know: Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?

Funding Spiels [edit]

Opening [edit]
Chief: Today's caper is presented by WQED Pittsburgh, and WGBH Boston. Carmen's gang is bankrolled by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and by Viewers Like You.
Another announcer: And by Delta Airlines. Because at Delta, We love to fly and it shows.
Closing [edit]
Chief: This program was bankrolled by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and by Viewers Like You. [Corporate bucks provided by Toyota. (and Holiday Inn. and later, Delta Airlines)] - Note: The speech in brackets was used on some episodes from season one.

Carmen's Final Location Information by Crooks [edit]

  • Vic: I'm gonna need some company in the slammer, so here's the scoop on Carmen. Look for her in (the United States/South America/Europe/Africa/Asia).
  • Contessa: Honor among thieves? Surely you jest! If I'm going to prison, I'm taking Carmen with me. Look for her in (the United States/South America/Europe/Africa/Asia).
  • Grunge: It's a dirty trick me bein' in da joint and Carmen on the loose. (coughs) Look for her in (the United States/South America/Europe/Africa/Asia). (sneezes)
  • Eartha: Hey, Gumshoe! Carmen double-crossed me, so I'm gonna get even! Look for her in (the United States/South America/Europe/Africa/Asia).
  • Robo: The probabilities of your capture of Carmen will be accelerated if I supply you with pertinent information. Look for her in (the United States/South America/Europe/Africa/Asia).
  • Patty: I know I shouldn't be telling you this, but it isn't fair that I'm in jail and Carmen's not. Look for her in

(the United States/South America/Europe/Africa/Asia).

  • Double Trouble: We'll party a lot hardier in the slammer if we know Carmen's on her way. Look for her in (the United States/South America/Europe/Africa/Asia).

The Taking of the Shrew [Premiere] [edit]

[Vic the Slick steals the Mona Lisa]

Chief: Detectives, ACME Art-Net has tracked Vic the Slick to the place where Leonardo painted Lisa. Vic was spotted pinching a pinkie ring at the Ponte Vecchio, where they've been making jewelry since 1593. Now this city is often called "The Birthplace of the Renaissance", and the artists Raphael, Donatello, and Michelangelo did some of their greatest works here. Their recent decision to become ninja turtles has initially been controversial, but is now regarded as just another example of their genius.
Greg: (picks up the phone) ACME Crime Net.
Mona Lisa: ACME Crime Net? It's Lisa. (furiously) WHEN a-you are gone, a-rescue me!! If this jerk drags me through the Van Gogh Museum one more time, I'm gonna throw him in the Amstel River! Everything's written in Dutch. Get me out of here right now!!!
Greg: We're on the case, ma'am! Thanks so much for calling. Been a pleasure. Bye. (hangs up the phone) I love it when she calls.
(knock at door)
Greg: Yeah, come in.
(Scott, the Dying Informant, screams as he gets thrown inside, but in the wrong position, so he moves properly to the drawn outline of a dead body)
Greg: I think we have a serious problem here. What's the matter, dude? Hey, come on. What's the matter?
Scott: (gags) I saw Vic in a Japanese-- (gags)
Greg: Come on. You can't die now. A Japanese what? A Japanese what? Come on!
Scott: An industrial center in western JAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!
Greg: Come on! We need a little bit more. Just a little bit more! Come on.
Scott: The city's famous for Bunraku... Japanese Puppet Theater! (gags)
Greg: Is that it? That's all ya had to say to me? Is that it?! Haven't ya got anymore?! (loudly) ANSWER ME!!!!
Scott: (screams, then calmly:) It's just south of... Kyoto! (he gets up, spins around, does splits, and collapses again)
Greg: Scott, the Dying Informant! (applause; Scott picks up his hat) One more time! Bravo! How wonderful! (Scott heads back to the alley)
Vic: Hey, boss lady, I gotta stash Lisa someplace. She's gettin' on my nerves.
Carmen: Take her to a souk in Morocco.
Vic: Souk? What's a souk?
Carmen: It's an outdoor market where you can find everything from snake charmers to pastries filled with pigeon meat. Vic, you'll love the souk. You can argue over the price of everything.
Vic: Yeah? Where is this Morocco place, huh?
Carmen: It's a country in northern Africa on the Mediterranean Sea. And Vic?
Vic: Yeah?
Carmen: Lose the plaid suit.

The Case of the Cribbed Crater [1.2] [edit]

[The Contessa steals the Ngorongro Crater]

Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Will you cut that blooming racket?!
Greg: It's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. Let's see what she says. Too loud for ya?
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: All that noise is about to send me 'round the bend. The Contessa went to a country that makes beautiful textiles. The Otavalos have been weavers for centuries, and their fine cloth is shipped all over the world. The country also happens to be the largest exporter on my favorite fruit. The banana. (laughs) From rainforests to the beaches, it's quite a beautiful little country. Now, go out and nab the old girl and leave me in peace.
Greg: Thanks a lot, Mrs. P. WE'LL KEEP IT QUIETER!!! Sorry. Man, she sees everything from up there.
Greg: Before the invention of the telegraph, young writers delivered the mail from Missouri to California on horseback. Were they Minutemen, the Pony Express--
Eric: (as Angel buzzes in) Pony Express. Oh.
Greg: Excuse me, you hafta-- You hafta buzz in. Angel buzzed-- Buzzed in. Go ahead, Angel.
Angel: Pony Express.
Greg: Pony Express is right. You're right. Eric,-- (laughs) Good answer though, Eric. It was right there.
(the monitor shows the ACME technical difficulties sign)
Chief: Uh, Greg?
Greg: Yeah, Chief?
Chief: Greg, in my office now.
Greg: (knocks on the monitor) Chief, I'm not quite gettin' you here.
Chief: Uh, Greg, just come in my office.
Greg: Okay, I'll be right there. You guys hang tight here. I'll be right back. I don't know what she's talkin' about. My mentor calls. (enters the office) What's up, Chief?
Chief: (headless) Oh, Greg, my head fell off and I think it rolled under the desk.
Greg: I'm sorry. One more time?
Chief: Greg, get with the program! I said my head fell off, it rolled under the desk! Would you please get it for me?!
Greg: (searches under the desk) Oh, Chief, how did this happen?
Chief: Well, I was, oh-- I was worried about the investigation you know and it just overheated and then it popped off!
Greg: Hey, you got a lotta neat stuff here. Check it out. Bicentennial quarter.
Chief: (snatches the quarter) Oh, Greg, the head!
Greg: All right. Oh, here it is right here. Okay. Got it.
Chief: Oh, good. Oh.
Greg: Oh. (strains) All right. Let's just put it right on top there.
Chief: Oh.
Greg: And just kinda give a little twist! (grunts) Better?
Chief: Oh, yeah.
Greg: Okay, Chief, how are we gonna keep this from happening again?
Chief: Oh, well, you can capture Carmen Sandiego! I'll give a free trip anywhere in the lower 48 states to the gumshoe that does. (applause) (Greg taps on her head) Oh, Greg, go away.
Greg: Yes. Okay. Sorry. (exits the office)
Chief: Acts like he never saw a head pop off before!
(Greg returns to the gumshoes and tries to pull on his head to see if it pops off, but it does not)
Greg: I'm okay.
Contessa: Get me out of this town! These Americans are so uncultured!
Carmen: Relax. I'm sending you to a country that's so cultured, their president is a writer.
Contessa: Oh, tell me more.
Carmen: His name is Václav Havel. The old government jailed him for his beliefs, but now he's in charge of the new one.
Contessa: I'm intrigued. Where will I be going?
Carmen: To a city below the Carpathian Mountains on the Danube River.
Contessa: (gasps) Oh, the Danube. I hear a Waltz already.
Carmen: Lay low or you'll hear sirens.

It's the Pits [1.3] [edit]

[Grunge steals the La Brea Tar Pits]

Chief: Greg?
Greg: Yeah, Chief?
Chief: Greg, in my office. It's this fax.
Greg: Oh. Just a second. I gotta go help her. I'll be right back. (to the audience, quietly) She needs me. (enters the office, where the fax is on the fritz) What's the matter?
Chief: You see? I can't get it to work. It's--
Greg: (smacks the machine, and the note comes out of it) Gotta smack it in the right place.
Chief: All right. Read it to me.
Greg: Uh, well, you know, it just-- It just kinda says what it says.
Chief: Well, it's gotta be something. Read it!
Greg: Okay. (reads note) "Dear Chief, you are a chump. You and your Glum-Shoes still haven't found me or Top Grunge. Catch me if you can. Regards to ACME Slime Net. Signed, Carmen Sandiego", and then, it-- It goes on from there.
Chief: Goes on.
Greg: Yeah.
Chief: What else does it say?
Greg: Uh, it says (reads the last part of the note) "P.S.: Nanny-nanny... Poo-poo."
Chief: "Nanny-nanny poo-poo"?!
Greg: Yeah. I'm sorry, (points to the note) it's right there. It's right there.
Chief: "Nanny-nanny poo-poo"?
Greg: Yeah.
Chief: (laughs) That does it! Detectives-- (looks at Greg, who looks at her)
Greg: Yeah. Sorry.
Chief: The Gumshoe who puts Carmen Sandiego behind bars will get a free trip anywhere in the lower 48 states! (applause) I've had it. (sarcastically) "Nanny-nanny poo-poo".
Greg: You know, Chief, I tell ya, I would never think of you as a chump. I mean you may have some chumpish qualities from time to time, but basically--
Chief: Go away.
Greg: Chump. Uh, check! (exits the office)

The Big Ness Mess [1.4] [edit]

[Eartha Brute steals the Loch Ness Monster]

Carmen: Eartha, those ACME agents are hot on your trail. You have to move fast.
Eartha: Oh, great! I'm hauling around a 5-ton sea monster and you expect fast.
Carmen: Calm yourself, Eartha. I have it all planned. Head for a landlocked country in South America. A henchman will meet you on its border with Peru. You can hide Nessy from ACME in one of the world's highest lakes. It's called Titicaca.
Eartha: Titi-what?
Carmen: Lake Titicaca. Now, go.

Seizing the Sea [1.5] [edit]

[Vic the Slick steals the Dead Sea]

Greg: For our next clue, we need to go to, uh-- You know, to tell you the truth, I'm not sure exactly where we go. I forgot what are next clue is. I'm sorry. Uh, Chief? Chief? I'm sorry. I forgot what the next clue was. If you could tell me, then we could-- we could get started.
Chief: Well, you got me, Greg. I don't know.
Greg: You don't know?
Chief: No.
Greg: Oh, great. Uh, well, then, I'll just go up to ACME Control Net. I'll find out. I'll give you the clue. I'll come back. I'm sorry, guys. I don't know how this happens. I'm very frustrated about this. Excuse me, guys. I'm sorry. I'm tryin' to get a job done here if you don't-- Pardon me. Excuse me. I just-- You know, if you want a job done right, the ol' Gregger. (enters ACME Control Net) Hey, guys. How you doin'? Hi. Hey, Dana, you got any clues?
Dana: Greg, you're not supposed to be in here. You're supposed to be in the office. Go.
Greg: We need more clues though.
Dana: All right, tell the Gumshoes to go to the Pompidou Center who was a Moulin Rouge. All right, now, again, we got a show to do.
Greg: All right.
Dana: Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. There's one more thing. Take these Francs. You'll need those. Okay? Now, scoot. Come on. Let's go.
Greg: Okay. You know, it is really cool back here. I've never been in here before. What is that thing right over there?
Dana: That's the Gumsholator, Greg.
Greg: Cool. Cool. What's this thing right here?
Dana: Don't touch that! (Greg pushes a button which causes static and a technical difficulty)
Greg: Hi. Sorry. They had a little technical difficulty, but we're back and everything is okay!

The Gateway Getaway [1.6] [edit]

[RoboCrook steals St. Louis' Gateway Arch.]

(the monitor shows "Presence Requested At Once")
Chief: Greg?
Greg: Yeah, Chief?
Chief: In my office right away.
Greg: Okay. Uh, I'll be right there. You guys stick here. Lemme find out what she wants. (laughs) My mentor calls. (enters the office where the Chief has grown two faces)
Chief: Oh, Greg, the investigation is starting to worry me. Now, Carmen Sandiego is--
Greg: Chief.
Chief: Don't interrupt. Carmen Sandiego is being extra tricky.
Greg: Chief.
Chief: Now, if-- All right, what is it?
Greg: Chief, it's your face. Uh, there's one more than usual.
Chief: Well, I was getting to that.
Greg: Okay. All right.
Chief: Now, if we're gonna crack this case, we'll need as many pairs of eyes as possible. So, I've grown an extra face and I suggest you do the same.
Greg: That seems a little extreme to me, Chief. Uh, there's gotta be a better way. Uh, I know, we could offer the gumshoes a trip to anywhere in the lower 48 states. That'll get 'em to catch Carmen Sandiego. (applause)
Chief: Oh, well, say, well, that should do it. Well, I guess I don't need this anymore then.
Greg: I don't think so.
Chief: (pushes her two faces back together as one) Oh.
Greg: Okay. Good move, Chief. I tell ya, (laughs) that two face thing was freaky. I mean, whoa, whoa, whoa! That was weird. I mean, they were nice faces and don't look at me wrong. But that is distracting--
Chief: Go away.
Greg: Yes, ma'am. Okay. (exits the office)
Robo: I'm running out of ideas.
Carmen: Have you ever had one? Set your course for a British crown colony in the Windward Islands.
Robo: Why there?
Carmen: You can hide your arch in the mountains, but watch out. They're volcanic. There're steaming vents and pools of boiling water I wouldn't want you to rust.
Robo: You're so thoughtful, Carmen.
Carmen: If I didn't watch out for you, who would?
Greg: (after Ali finds the Loot, the Warrant, and Robo in the right order on the very first try) Man alive! I've never seen that done before! That is amazing!

Ripping Off the Rock [1.7] [edit]

[Eartha Brute steals the Rock of Gibraltar]

Greg: Now, Eartha has been very busy. She left Germany, went over to Denmark, crossed the water, went to Sweden, cut back to Wales, then up to Ireland, then she jumped into the water, swam away, and we lost her. Sorry.

The Case of the False False Teeth [1.8] [edit]

[Patty Larceny steals the replica of George Washington's fake dentures]

Patty: Carmen, these teeth are grossing me out! Why didn't you give this job to Top Grunge?
Carmen: Quit your whining, Patty. You have to move fast. Head for Africa's second largest country. It's on the Mediterranean coast.
Patty: But I don't even know anyone in Africa!
Carmen: I have a close friend who'll meet you. She'll be wearing a veil.
Patty: A veil? Is that what all the women wear?
Carmen: Only the strict Muslims. They believe it's improper to be in public unless they cover their lower face. Now stop with the questions. You just have to go.
Voice: Greg! Greg, who's that?
Greg: Right here? This is... This is Scott. We had a little... We had a little problem. We normally have a service that comes in and...
Voice: I see. Wanna see something special?
Greg: Yeah. Yeah.
Voice: Watch this.
Greg: Okay.
Voice: Yo! Yo! Scott! Rise.
Scott: (gets back on his feet, alive) Whoo! I feel great!
Greg: Ladies and gentlemen, Scott, the Dying Informant, is alive!
(the audience cheers and applauds as Scott returns to the alley)

The Lincoln Conspiracy [1.9] [edit]

[Robocrook steals Lincoln Center]

Greg: Now, Gregg, you have some interesting career plans. Tell us about you career plans.
Gregg: Yeah, I like to be either a Stand-up comedian or a Baseball Manager. (applause)
Greg: Stand-up comedian or a Baseball Manager. Now, wait. Come right up here. 'Cause they just don't want you to talk into the microphone quite that closely. It's on. It's workin' fine. Okay. So, you wanna be a Stand-up comedian. Tell me. What kinda jokes do you do?
Gregg: Well, um, I make phony phone calls to 1-800 numbers, um--
Greg: Yeah.
Gregg: I make-- I make funny surveys and go to random people who I don't know, and um, I tell 'em knock knock jokes.
Greg: You tell 'em knock knock jokes. You can tell he's a comedian by the way he's workin' that microphone, you guys. Yeah, you can just stand right up there, Gregg. It's cool. Just stand right there. That's cool the way it is. You tell knock knock jokes.
Gregg: Yeah.
Greg: Would you guys like to hear a knock knock joke by any chance?
Audience: Yeah!
Greg: Okay, Gregory, lay one on us. Let's hear it.
Gregg: Knock knock. (Greg laughs)
Audience: Who's there?
Gregg: Humpty.
Audience: Humpty who?
Gregg: They call me Humpty, with... I say it with an "-umpty"! I really am kinda funky!
Greg: Gregg, ladies and gentlemen! Come on! Come on. Tough, tough crowd.
Rockapella: Robocrook! (sings their fanfare)
(Gregg goes to the chain, when the confetti is ready to fall, but steps back to his podium when he sees it falling)
Greg: Yeah! Yeah! Oh, yeah, get in there. (laughs) Come on over here, Gregg. (Gregg walks to the chain) Be sure you get plenty of that on you, dude.

The Canal Caper [1.10] [edit]

[Grunge steals the Panama Canal]

Greg: (upside down) Dana. Dana, wanna turn me around? I'm gonna lose the change in my pockets. Dana? (Right-side up) Thank you so much. Thank you.
Chief: Greg, some things are meant to be. Grass is meant to be green. Water is meant to be wet. Carmen Sandiego is meant to be in jail! And she's out there on the loose. She's been there for a while, and, well, the natural order of things has gone haywire!
Carmen: Grunge, those ACME agents have sniffed you out. Go to an African country with residents who might tolerate your smell.
Grunge: Thanks, Carmen. (sniffs) I just love to meet new people.
Carmen: Who said anything about people? I meant the famous mountain gorillas studied by Dian Fossey. They were in that movie Gorillas in the Mist.
Grunge: Geez, Carmen. You expect me to live with animals?
Carmen: Maybe not. They're still thinking it over. Meet them at their home in the National Park of Volcanoes.
Grunge: Those gorillas are famous, huh? Maybe I'll brush my teeth for the occasion. (sneezes)
Greg: Let me tell you something. This is a particularly tough case and when I get a tough case like this I always go to this woman right over here. Agnes Acme. She's the founder of ACME Crimenet. She's also the great-grandmother of the Chief. I often wonder what she'd do.
Moosey: Huh-huh-huh! My goodness, this is exciting! Imagine me, a television detective! Huh-huh! Hey, Bullwinkle, who's famous now?
Rockapella (singing): Wacky waterway!
Agnes: This is Agnes Acme (the words "aka Lynne Thigpen" is shown) speaking for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego, and remember, if villains make you feel remorseful, call on us. We're kind... yet forceful.
Chief: Remember the ACME motto: ACME agents will be there, catching crooks with special flair.

The Great Wall Haul [1.11] [edit]

[Eartha Brute makes off with the Great Wall of China]

Greg: Now, I have a feeling that it's highly possible the Chief will be calling me into her office right about... (the Chief appears on the monitor)
Chief: Greg?
Greg: ...now.
Chief: Now. In my office right away.
Greg: Okay. You guys stick here. Be back in just a bit. (laughs) I wonder what she'd like to talk about. (enters the office) Yeah, Chief. What's up?
Chief: Uh, Greg?
Greg: Yeah.
Chief: You and the gumshoes have been halfway around the world and you...
Greg and the Chief: ...still haven't found Carmen Sandiego.
Greg: Yeah, I know.
Chief: Right.
Greg: Yeah, I know that.
Chief: Well, now, you better get...
Greg and the Chief: ...your acts together. Otherwise, we're never gonna find her.
Greg: Yeah. I know that. (laughs)
Chief: Right.
Greg: Uh-huh.
Chief: Uh, you did you know...
Greg and the Chief: ...what you were gonna say?
Greg: Well, Chief, I need to tell you something. You're becoming just a little bit predictable.
Greg and the Chief: Predictable? (both laugh) Ridiculous. I've never felt more unpredictable in my life. What makes you think... you're saying everything I say? Stop that! Don't do that! Peanut Butter. Octopus.
Greg: See? I can tell. Everytime. You're very predictable. I can tell.
Chief: Well, all right, all right. Maybe I am just a little bit. All right? But that still doesn't change the fact that we still haven't...
Greg and the Chief: ...found Carmen Sandiego.
Chief: I'll offer a free trip anywhere...
Greg and the Chief: ...in the lower 48 states to the gumshoe who finds her. (applause)
Greg: See? See? See what I'm sayin'? Listen, Chief. You know, I don't mean any offense when I say you're predictable, because a lot of people are a little predictable. I mean, there's really nothing wrong.
Greg and the Chief: Go away.
Greg: Yes. Okay. (exits the office)
Carmen: Eartha, I'm sending you to a place where they could use your Great Wall. Almost half the country is below sea level. Try to make a deal with the government.
Eartha: So, I should go to the capitol?
Carmen: No, Amsterdam is the capital, but the seat of the government is a different city.
Eartha: What? I'm confused.
Carmen: So, what's new? Move your brawny behind.

The Case of the Burgled Bugatti [1.12] [edit]

[The Contessa steals a 1931 Bugatti Royale.]

Greg: Kelly, you have a very special hobby, right?
Kelly: Yes. I collect tigers. In fact, my nickname's "Tiger".
Greg: No kidding! So, therefore, obviously, then, your favorite baseball team would be the Detroit Tigers.
Kelly: No, I hate the Detroit Tigers! I like the Red Sox.
Greg: (on phone) Hello? Carpet delivery? No, we do not-- We don't have any carpet deliveries...
(a rolled carpet comes down before him)
Greg: Yeah, it just got here. Yeah. Thanks a lot. All right. Thanks.
Greg: Wait a second. That can only mean one thing. It's time for the…
Kelly, Garsy, and Aziz: Lightning round.
Greg: All right, this was for, uh, Crab Alfredo, and pizza. Now we're talking about detective stuff, but it was kind of a social thing too.
Carmen: I hope you're keeping a low profile, Contessa.
Contessa: Of course. I'm in the south of France, at the film festival. Everyone is here. Don and Melanie. Kurt and Goldie. Bruce and Demi. I drove down the Mediterranean coast with Dustin just this morning.
Carmen: You drove the stolen Bugatti?
Contessa: Of course not!
Carmen: Good.
Contessa: I let Dustin drive it! He just loves classics.
Carmen: Why me?!
Scott: I lost her… in the junk fleet… of Aberdeen Harbor! Oh, baby! (passes out)
Greg: Scott, you're really startin' to bug me! (to Kelly and Aziz) Now it's time for you to go to Hong Kong and where you're gonna try to find the Contessa. All right? I want you to know, though, we don't send our agents out into the field unprepared. Right, Scott? (Scott just groans.) Okay.
Chief: Now that's Kowloon in the background. It's on the mainland of China but it is still part of Hong Kong.
Chief: I had a bird once. It was a parrot, named Seymour. Oh, what a character! He could mimic everything about me. My speech, heh, my little nervous laugh, the way I tilted my head when I was self-conscious, and when…Eventually I couldn't take the mockery anymore so I had to get rid of him. So, gumshoes, the Contessa and the Bugatti are in Hong Kong. Get going. I got a little writing to do.
Chief: This is Lynne Thigpen speaking for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?, and remember: Some like music; some like books; but ACME's folks like busting crooks!

The Square Scam [1.13] [edit]

[Double Trouble steal Red Square.]

Greg: Okay, guys. It looks like the Double Trouble twins have now just... They've left the country. They boogied completely outta the picture.
Voice: Says who?!
(his hand has fake plastic fingers)
Greg: Oh, it's you. Uh... Wait a minute. Wait a second!
(he grabs a chair, stands on it, and snatches the plastic fingers off the Voice's hand)
Greg: What are these fake plastic fingers ya have on here?!
Voice: Hey! Hey! What are you...?! Stop that! How... How come... How come you get to have all the fun? How come I don't ever get to have any of the fun?!
Greg: Hey, hey. Hey! Hey, hey! Hey!! HEY!!! Listen. We're in the middle of a criminal investigation here. Now, STOP IT!!
Voice: Oh. Okay. I'm sorry, Greg.
Chief: Greg, some things are meant to be. Grass is meant to be green. Water is meant to be wet. Carmen Sandiego is meant to be in jail! And she's out there loose, for a while, she's been there, and, well, things have started to go haywire!
Carmen: Ready for another party, boys?
Double Trouble: Geez, we're always ready, Carmen.
Carmen: Good. I want you to head down the peninsula from Tijuana to Ensenada.
Double Trouble: Well, what's the occasion?
Carmen: The start of a famous international off-road race. Hundreds of drivers race all kinds of vehicles across the desert.
Double Trouble: We're rollin'!
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Would you stop that infernal R-R-R-R-R-RACKET?!!
Greg: My upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. C'mon. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger's window) Hey, Mrs. P.!
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: You're noisier than those party fellows! I could hear they're going one halfway across the country last night. They were in Shreveport, at the Holiday-In-Dixie Festival, eating crawfish gumbo. Now, go catch those hooligans, and leave me in peace! (shuts her window)
Greg: Thanks a lot. Thank you!
Chief: This is Lynne Thigpen speaking for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego, and remember, we solve cases, we deliver; ACME sends crooks up the river!

The Case of the Purloined Pen [1.14] [edit]

[Vic the Slick steals Alcatraz]

Greg: Now, unfortunately, we completely lost Vic the Slick. I don't know whether he went down at sea, there was a storm at sea, if Alcatraz is now under the Atlantic, I'm just really not...
Voice: None of the above! Greg!
Greg: Yeah?
Voice: My office. Now.
Greg: (walks up closer to the Voice) Yeah?
(the Voice slaps his face various times, ala the Three Stooges)
Greg: Come on! Why'd ya do that?!
Voice: Because I can.
Greg: Oh, yeah.
Voice: Now, listen. He went to the only territory in North or South America that's still controlled by a European country. He might just be on Devil's Island, the famous ex-prison colony there.
Greg: Okay. Thanks a lot. Appreciate it.
Voice: Don't mention it. And, Greg?
Greg: Yes?
Voice: Go away.
Greg: Yes. Okay. Sorry.
(he returns to his position)
Greg: I don't know who that guy is. But how does he know all that stuff?
Chief: Greg, Lemke just called. He says we're in violation of Crime Net regulation 336-2: The Hand-Puppet Clause. They were on PBS. Kids are watching, and we are required to use a hand puppet.
Greg: Okay. No problem. No problem. Got it handled.
(he exposes his right hand, which has become his hand puppet, Handy Hancock)
Greg: Hi, Handy. Got a clue for us?
Handy: I certainly do. Thank you, Gregory. Vic the Slick went to a city where they speak slang called Lunfardo. It's a combination of Spanish and Italian. The country recently changed its currency from the Peso to the Austral.
Greg: Really? What's Vic doing there?
Handy: He tried to sell the prison as a floating hotel, complete with tango dancers, (the Chief notices that Greg is moving his mouth with Handy's every word) and all sorts of other things that... Uh...
Chief: Well, that was interesting, Greg.
Handy: Thank you very much. Thank you.
Greg: Ladies and gentlemen, Handy Hancock!
(applause)
Handy: (takes a bow) Thank you! Thank you very much! Thank you!
Greg: Okay, guys. Now, it's time for you to go to Buenos Aires to try to find Vic the Slick. But I want you to know, what you gotta do is go out there, find 'em, and bring 'em back. But we don't send our agents out into the field. Right?
Handy: Right! Chief, how 'bout a briefing?

The Great Liberty Lift [1.15] [edit]

[Patty Larceny steals the Liberty Bell]

Carmen: Pack up the bell and hop a plane to King Khalid Airport, the biggest airport in the world.
Patty: I know where that is! Will I have to wear one of those long, black cloaks?
Carmen: You mean an abaya! No. But wear a longer skirt, out of respect for their customs.
Patty: And I can't drive, right? Women aren't allowed to drive.
Carmen: You're so smart, dear. Wait a minute! Since when have you been driving?!
Patty: Since I stole a learner's permit!
Rockapella: (sings when the Liberty Bell is revealed in the 2nd round) The Liberty Bell!

The SAT Score Scam [1.16] [edit]

[Patty Larceny steals the SAT scores from Princeton, New Jersey]

Patty: Carmen, help! Where should I go next?
Carmen: Head for the Nagoya or the Kanazawa. Some of the high school kids are going through what they call examination hell.
Patty: Eww! Sounds yucky! What is it?
Carmen: They take a series a difficult tests to get into top universities. Many of them spend lots of yen per year on special test-cramming schools after their regular school day ends.
Patty: Wow! No fun! But couldn't they call it examination heck?
Carmen: Just get going!
Rockapella: Number 2 pencil!

Torch Song [1.17] [edit]

[Eartha Brute steals the Statue of Liberty's torch]

Greg: Uh-oh. I think we're-- Think we're getting some cosmic interference here. (tunes up the monitor) Lemme see. It must be our, uh-- Our spirit gumshoe, Crystal.
Crystal: What's up, Gumshoes? I'm flying first class on the Astral plane. I'm getting vile visions from the brain of the brute. I see 19,000,000 people in one big city. Spanish people. Indian. Mestizos. It used to be the center of the Aztec Empire. Wow! This must be what Eartha's looking for. Azteca Stadium! Oops! My signal's fading. Hasta luego!
Greg: See ya, Crystal. Thanks a lot.
Eartha: I still can't find a stadium big enough to hold my games.
Carmen: Take the torch to one of my favorite capitals in eastern Europe, home to great writers like Kafka. Great composers like Dvořák. Great--
Eartha: Uh, Carmen, what about my games?
Carmen: Ah, yes. Your games. Well, the world's largest open stadium is located there. And while you're at it, try to hire Martina Navratilova. She was born in this city.
Eartha: Who's she?
Carmen: The tennis champion. One of the biggest money winners in women's sports. Don't you read the paper?
Eartha: Only the comics.
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: I've had enough of this!
Greg: Must be our upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Punpkinclanger. Hi, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger.
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: That bruiser has gone to the Highland games on the Isle of Skye. She's tossing about a 15 foot tree trunk called a caber. Now, cease your incessant meandering and go apprehend her.
Greg: Thanks. Thanks. Great hair. Love your hair.
Ice: Davs.
Gemini: Good day.
Ice: That means "hi".
Gemini: And "good day".
Ice: ...In the country where you wanna go.
Gemini: It's made up of over 400 islands in the North and Baltic Seas.
Ice: It's capital is Copenhagen.
Gemini: I hope you get there on Queen Margrethe's Birthday. When that happens, there's...
Both: No school! All right!
(they hi-5)

The Hammering Hank Heist [1.18] [edit]

[Vic the Slick steals Hank Aaron's baseball bat]

Chief: Now, Gumshoes, I like baseball. (Merengue music is heard) But when I visit this country, it's for the famous Merengue Festival in Santo Domingo.
(she dances the Merengue)
Chief: Y'know, once I hear those ol' rhythms, your Chief becomes... just a non-stop Merengue machine!
(the audience laughs)
Greg: Uh, thanks, Chief. (to the audience) Let's hear it for the Chief!
(applause)
Greg: I didn't know you can move like that! She can move! She can really... move it out!
Carmen: Vic, those ACME agents have found you. Head to a nation in the Pacific whose name means south.
Vic: Hey, Carmen, I'm headin' for the South Pacific?
Carmen: Brilliant deduction, Vic. It's one of the few countries on earth that's never been ruled by a foreign power. Now, get moving.
Vic: Oh, but Carmen, I'm waitin' for some new plaid suits to come back from the tailor!
Carmen: Forget the suits, Vic. The traditional dress here is the ta'ovala. It's a woven mat skirt worn by women and men.
Vic: Geez, Carmen, a skirt?! This could ruin my reputation as a snappy dresser! Well, I'm on my way.
Rockapella: (each time the bat is revealed)
Hank's hammer! (sung twice)
Hank's homer hammer!
Oh Henry!
Louisville slugger!
Fourth bagger!

Big Ben Bagged [1.19] [edit]

[Grunge steals Big Ben]

Greg: We just have found out that an ACME Celeb-Net agent has an update for us on his next whereabouts. Kathie Lee?
Kathie Lee Gifford: I can't believe it. That creep has turned up in my favorite place. The city where I was born! Imagine. He's probably sliming down the Champs Élysées right now. Or stinking up the Louvre Museum. Maybe he's been sneezing all over someone's cocoa ban-eseems. Yecch. Cops will never be the same. (Says something in French)
Greg: Thanks, Kathie.
Grunge: Carmen, I think those Gumshoes are on to me. Especially that detective in the middle.
Carmen: You're sounding much better, Top. Listen. Get on your chopper and head for the Pan American Highway. Ride it all the way down to the end.
Grunge: Yeah, like what's the Pan American Highway?
Carmen: It's a highway that goes all the way from Canada to the capital of Chile. That's where you're going, Grunge. (Grunge sneezes) Bless you. Now, get going!

Diamonds Are a Crook's Best Friend [1.20] [edit]

[The Contessa steals a year's production of diamonds from South Africa.]

Chief: The Contessa made tracks with nearly a 10th of the world's diamond output. Now, that's a lot of pebbles!
Chief: I have memories of sitting in a Konditorei, that's a pastry shop, and listening to Strauss music and waltz and digging into a delicious chocolate cake called a Sachertorte. Greg?
Greg: Chief, that was, uh, that was very touching. Thank you very much.
Greg: All right, now, I want you guys to know this is a pretty tough case. So, you're gonna have to really keep everything on, keep your timing--
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Will you stop this incessant whining about a tough case?!
Greg: Oh, no. That can be only one person. That's our upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger.
(he enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger)
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: You call yourselves detectives, don't you?! You'd best be off to the third largest port in Europe! It's in the Dutch speaking half of a bilingual country, and it's an international center for cutting and trading diamonds. NOW! Get on with it before I call the authorities!
(she shuts her window)
Greg: Yes, ma'am. Okay. Don't you just love your neighbors?
(Greg enters the Chief's office, where the Chief packs her suitcase)
Greg: Chief, what are you doin'?!
Chief: Ah! (shakes Greg's hand) Greg, it's been nice working with you.
Greg: Wha-What?! What is this?
Chief: Well, I think it's time for me to move on. I've been doing this a long time. I think it's time for me to get out there, get some fresh air, and see new sights.
Greg: See what?! What are you talking about?!
Chief: Well, I thought I'd do some yam-farming.
(Greg, dismayed, mouths "Yam-farming?!")
Chief: No, no, I have a cousin. Essie. She's got some land out in the country. I thought I'd travel around and see the land.
Greg: Chief, Chief, you don't know anything about yam-farming. You know nothing about that. And besides, what would the Gumshoes do without you? We need you here! Right, guys?!
Gumshoes and Audience: YEAH!!!
Greg: See? Huh? Huh?
Chief: Well, if you put it that way, I'll stay.
Greg: Okay. All right, then. Let's get this stuff unpacked.
Chief: All right. Oh, but wait, wait, wait. I bought those tickets. I have-- I have a ticket for anywhere in the lower 48 states. What am I gonna do with it?
Greg: Okay, wait. I got an idea. We'll give the Gumshoe who catches Carmen Sandiego those tickets. Huh?
Chief: (while the crowd applauds) Now, that's a good idea.
Greg: Let's get this stuff outta here. (attempts to help unpack) Let me-- Just let me help you.
Chief: No.
Greg: This is wonderful that your stayin'. And you're such an intregal part of...
Chief: No. Greg. Greg. Greg! Go away.
Greg: Yes, ma'am. I'll keep that...
Chief: No, no.
Greg: Yes. All right. (exits the office) I'm so glad she's staying.
Contessa: Madre mia! Carmen, you're a gem.
Carmen: And you're a brick. Now get going!
Greg: Now, we've sent agents to Herkimer to try to track...
Voice: Don't waste your time! (about the Contessa) She's already gone. You've bundled it again! Go to a state full of glaciers instead.
Greg: Wait a minute. Glaciers?
Voice: Yes! Glaciers! More glaciers than anywhere else in the US. The Inuits do a lot of ice-fishing there.
Greg: Wait a minute. The Inuits , who are they?
Voice: Don't you know anything?! They are native people of this region.
Greg: Well, why did Contessa go there?
Voice: What is this?! A quiz?! It's a leading producer of platinum. Now, catch her! Or I'll raid locusts upon you.
Greg: Ooh! Locusts. Okay. Will do.
Chief: (on phone to Lemke) Say hello to Mrs. Lemke for me.
Shelley: Nobody loves me for my sense of humor or my dashing profile.
Chief: The film center. Now, you know, I had a cousin named Winslow, who was into film. He was a cameraman, and... Well, he was sort of a show-off.
(the camera zooms back and forth while the Chief keeps talking)
Chief: He was always doing trick shots when nobody asked him to, and got him into trouble. And, uh, things the director never asked him to do. So, uh, finally, nobody would hire him, so he just disappeared, and I've often wondered where...
(she suddenly looks at the camera that zooms in on her)
Chief: ...He went. Winslow? Is that you?
(the camera nods)
Chief: Where have you been, Win?! You know, you... Oh! I'm sorry. Uh, Gumshoes, Manila! Go there! The Contessa and the diamonds are there. Get going! Winslow! We've been looking all over for you. You know that?

The Fall Collection Caper [1.22] [edit]

[The Contessa steals Paris' entire Fall Fashion Collection.]

Contessa: Carmen, darling I have two problems. First of all the gumshoes are on to me, second of all I'm freezing!
Carmen: Take the tods to a British Island in the West Indies. The Dejan people are lovely hosts. You can hide out in the Garrison, where George Washington slept - the only time he ever left America.
Contessa: Oooh, just my style! Ciao bella!
Carmen: I'm not your 'bella', I'm your boss.
Greg: Now, it would not be PBS if we do not take time for something right now that's very special. And that is...
(he exposes, to everyone's surprise, Handy Hancock, his hand puppet)
Greg: ...Puppets! Ladies and gentlemen, Handy the puppet! Please welcome him.
(applause)
Chief: It's Handy! Hi, Handy.
Handy: Hello! It's nice to see you. How are you?
Chief: Oh, it's good to see you, too. You're so cute.
Handy: It's good to be here.
Greg: Excuse me. Excuse me, you 2? We could kinda use a clue right here, if you don't mind.
Handy: Oh, very sorry. Okay, here we go. (clears throat) Well, it's way up north in North America, but it's warmed by the Japan current. She had a cab take her around the city. It was completely wrecked by an earthquake in 1964, and they rebuilt the place!
Chief: Oh, you are just the cutest thing.
Handy: Well, thank you very much. Thank you.
Chief: (laughs) You're welcome.
Greg: Uh, Chief? Chief, you know this is just my hand. Right? I have red stuff here...
Chief: Oh, Greg! Oh, you are such a kidder! Handy, he's such a kidder.
Greg: It's not real. (to the audience) Ladies and gentlemen, Handy the puppet!
(applause)
Greg: Okay, guys. Now, it's time for you to go to Anchorage.
Handy: Anchorage.
Greg: And you're gonna look for the Contessa and the Fall Fashion. You hafta go there, find 'em, bring 'em back. But I want ya to know, we do not send our agents out into the field. Alone. Right?
Handy: Right. Chief, how 'bout a briefing?
Rockapella: (each time the Paris Fall Fashion Collection is revealed (all are spoken instead of sung))
Très chic! (Spoken twice)
Nice clothes!
Fancy threads!
Cool duds!
The Fall Collection!
Gucci!

Minnehaha: The Filching of the Falls [1.23] [edit]

[Double Trouble steal the waterfall Minnehaha.]

Double Trouble: Hey, Carmen, we're in trouble.
Carmen: So, what else is new? Fly to Santiago, then take the falls north to the driest place on earth.
Double Trouble: Where's that?
Carmen: Just west of the Andes in the Atacama Desert. There are parts that haven't had rain in 400 years.
Double Trouble: Ooh, that's pretty dry. Doesn't sound like much fun.
Carmen: It's more fun than jail, you twin twits. Now, move it!
George: Greetings, Gumshoes! Here's the scoop. You wanna go ta'... Siam.
Kate: It's not called Siam. Not anymore.
George: Is the capital still Bangkok?
Kate: That it is.
George: Does it still border Myanmar, Laos, and Cambodia?
Kate: You're right.
George: Yes, "Siam"!
(he laughs)
Kate: George!
Chief: Fine work, Jessica! And I've upgraded your status from Gumshoe to Sleuth!

The Radioscope Ripoff [1.24] [edit]

[RoboCrook steals the Arecibo Radioscope from Puerto Rico.]

Greg: Okay, for our next clue then, Jessica, you may find this one particularly well. We have our next clue coming in from a person who taught M.C. Hammer everything he knows. Take it away, Nana Rap!
Nana Rap: (laughs) You're such a nice young man. I'd be happy to do some chill slammin' and jammin' for ya. Hit it! (rock music plays)
You got the Zoo and the Navy,
But that ain't the scene.
For astronomy heads,
It's the scope that's a dream.
When it comes to star gazin',
Almost nothing is clearer
Than Mt. Palomar's telescope's
200-inch mirror.
So, get yourself to this country
In the Golden State.
That's where Robocrook's chillin'.
There's no time to waste!
You got the Nana! Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na Nana. (laughs)
You got the Nana!
Greg: Nana Rap, ladies and gentlemen!
Carmen: Robo, those ACME agents have found you. Head for an Asian country that was part of French Indochina.
Robo: Please specify. This description fits more than one nation.
Carmen: Very good, Solderhead. Just testing your memory banks. Go to the city of Vientiane. You'll get there in time for Bun Bang Fai. That's the rocket festival.
Robo: Destination acknowledged, but what is the purpose of this festival?
Carmen: It's a wild celebration to kick off the rainy season, so don't forget your rust proofing. Now, get going.
(during the briefing session before the Jailtime Challenge)
Chief: Ah. Coins and fountains. You know, that reminds me of a story. Once, there was a little girl whose only wish was to grow up and be a law enforcement official. Now, if she wasn't reading detective books, she was watching detective movies. One day, the girl came across a fountain near City Hall. She closed her eyes, she took out a shiny quarter from her pocket, and she made her wish, and tossed the coin high into the air! Missed the water completely. (audience laughs) Today, she's a carpenter somewhere in Florida. Alright, gumshoes. Robocrook and the Radioscope are in Rome, Italy. Go after 'em!

The Checkmate Checkout [1.26] [edit]

[Robocrook steals the Deep Thought chess computer]

Carmen: Robo, those ACME agents are on to you. Head for a large industrial center in Europe.
Robo: An industrial center? Thank you, Carmen. Perhaps I can make friends with the machinery.
Carmen: No social calls, Solderhead. Just hide out. It's a river valley north of Cologne.
Robo: Location acknowledged. Permission requested to seek a humanoid chess partner.
Carmen: You can try, but a traditional hobby there is pigeon racing. Thousands of people do it. There's even a special pigeon hospital in the city of Essen. Now, get moving.
Greg: Gumshoes, look, I know we're still hot on the trail of Robocrook and the computer. The thing is, though--
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Hot on the trail?! That's poppycock!
Greg: It's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. Be back in a minute. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger) Hey, Ms. P.
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: You wouldn't know a hot trail if it jumped up and burned you! Robocrook's in the republic of Azerbaijan. Such a famous resort city on the Caspian Sea. It's the birthplace of Kasparov, the world chess champion. Oh, I do love gettys endgame. (laughs) Now, go round Robo! (shuts her window)
Greg: Okay. Okay. Huh. Gee, I always thought it was me she loved.

The Forbidden City Snatch [1.27] [edit]

[Double Trouble steal the Forbidden City]

Carmen: Those Gumshoes are on to you. Take the Forbidden City to Basse Terre. That's a city in the French West Indies.
Double Trouble: Well, gee, Carmen, we're not sure just where that is.
Carmen: It's on twin islands with one name.
Double Trouble: Just like us. Cool.
Carmen: You'll love it, guys. There're lots of resorts, and they even got a Mardi Gras festival.
Double Trouble: We're gonna party, party, party!
Carmen: Just lay low or you'll get busted, busted, busted.
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Please be quiet.
Greg: It's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. Come on. Let's find out. Sorry, Mrs. P.!
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: I'm baking a souffle. I need absolute quiet, or it will fall. Look for those nasty boys on the hills above the shores of the Ohio river. You'll find the Bengals at Riverfront Stadium. Now, I must get back to my souffle. Shh. (shuts her window)
Greg: Thanks a lot, Mrs. P.

The Case of the Missing Queen [1.28] [edit]

[The Contessa steals the RMS Queen Mary]

Scott: (as the Dying Informant) Hey! Could I get a towel?
Greg: Oh, yeah. Could we get a towel for this fine, brave, young man, please?
(Tons of towels get thrown all over Scott)
Scott: Thank you.
Greg: You're welcome. Hey, listen, that was a nice job, by the way. Really nice.
(He helps Scott up)
Greg: Careful. Don't catch colds.
Scott: Need a towel?
Greg: Uh, no. We have plenty. Thanks.
(Scott throws his towels to him anyway)
Greg: All right. Thank you, anyway.
(He dumps the towels onto the floor)
Greg: Scott, ladies and gentlemen.
(Applause)
Chief: Greg?
Greg: Yes? Yes, Chief?
Chief: In my office pronto.
Greg: Okay. All right, I'll be right there. Doesn't seem like she's really herself. Lemme, uh, go check in her. You guys just hang tight right here. Uh, I'll be right back. (enters the office) Chief, what's the matter?
Chief: (in tears) I've begged. I've pleaded. I've cajolled. I've done everything to get this investigation moving!
Greg: But, Chief, listen, you hafta be kinda easy on 'em. I mean, they are rookies. And...
Chief: Oh, I know that. But you don't understand. See, it's my reputations on the line here. Headquarters-- They don't care about those kinda things. They just want results! (voice breaks) And if I don't find Carmen Sandiego, they're gonna take my job away. I need a Kleenex.
Greg: Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. Here, here, here, here. (hands the Chief a Kleenex) Here, here, here. Right here. Right here. It's okay. I'm s-- I didn't realize it was gonna get you this upset. (tries to comfort the Chief) I mean, they're just rookies, and I...
Chief: Don't touch me.
Greg: I'm sorry, but I didn't--
Chief: Stop!
Greg: Yes, ma'am. (to the Gumshoes) Listen. If you guys really care about the Chief, you've gotta pull together right now! Okay, come here. (he walks up closer to the camera) I'll make a deal with you. All right? If you find Carmen Sandiego, I'll give you a chance to go on a trip to anywhere in the lower 48 United States!
(the audience cheers and applauds)
Greg: Huh? All right.
Chief: Greg.
Greg: Yeah, Chief?
Chief: Greg, isn't that bribery?
Greg: Oh, no, we're calling it incentive.
Chief: Oh, that's all right. Uh, Greg?
Greg: (walks up to the Chief) Yeah, Chief? Yes?
Chief: Go away.
Greg: Yes, ma'am. (he exits the office) All right. Listen very closely. Gumshoes at home, we're trying to find the Contessa, who has taken the Queen Mary. If we do that, we'll be able to get Carmen Sandiego, and possibly a trip. I need your help. Matter of fact, I need everybody's help. Crew, are you behind me?
Production Crew: YEAH!
Greg: Rockapella, are you?
Sean, Scott, Barry, and Elliot: YEAH!!
Greg: Audience, are you behind me?!
Audience: YEAH!!!
Greg: Well, all right, then! Let's do this thing! Come on, let's do it!
Contessa: (says something in Italian) I'm so seasick!
Carmen: You don't have time to be sick now! They're on to you! Hide the ship in a bay, the one with the highest tides in the world. Up to 70 feet.
Contessa: Oh, no! Please! My stomach can't take it!
Carmen: Set your course northeast, to the inlet between Nova Scotia and New Brunswick. And take a bromo.
Contessa: Next time, I take a plane!

Raceway Ripoff [1.29] [edit]

[Grunge steals the Indianapolis Motor Speedway]

Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Zip that incessant chatter down there!
Greg: Oh, goody. It's our upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. (laughs as he enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger)
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: I'm sick to death of your tiresome meanderings. Grunge has taken the speedway to the Amalfi Drive. A beautiful and treacherous mountain road. He's headed for a city near there. It's just west of Pompeii. The ancient Roman town that was destroyed by the eruption of Mount Vesuvius. Now, go find him, and leave me in peace! (she shuts her window)
Greg: (waves goodbye) Thank you. Gosh, she's so sweet, isn't she?
Carmen: Grunger, they're on to you, but I've got a surprise. Take the speedway to some islands where there aren't any roads.
Grunge: No roads, Carmen? (coughs) Don't the people there drive?
Carmen: That's my surprise, fumeface. They're uninhabited. So, there's no one you can offend.
Grunge: No people, Carmen? Where on earth--
Carmen: I was just getting to that. These British islands are in the South Atlantic at the east end of the Scotia Sea. Just think, piston breath. You'll have that speedway to yourself.

The Case of the Reef Thief [1.31] [edit]

[The Contessa steals Australia's Great Barrier Reef]

Greg: We have a report now from one of our agents in Italy. That's where she was last seen. Mona?
Mona Lisa: I told you. I am not in Italy anymore. And neither is the Contessa. She's at the festival commemorating Saint Marinus. It's a national holiday of the oldest republic in the world. At least that's what the citizens call it. The Contessa isn't so young either, hey. That's why she didn't get the toolfun from her summer home in Urbino.
Greg: Okay, thanks, Mona.
(Greg enters the Chief's office to find her gone)
Greg: Chief, you there? Chief? The Chief's not here. Guess I'll just sit and wait for her. (laughs; sits at her desk) Oh, this is nice, huh? This is what it feels like. I like this. Hey! (magnifies his eye with her magnifying glass) Whoo! I like this. (imitates the Chief's voice) Greg. Greg. You're the nerve-center of this whole operation. You're the only one that I can count on. Carmen Sandiego is somewhere in the universe, Greg. The boys down at Photo Recon have put together a few slides. Lemme show 'em to ya. (turns on the slide projector displaying a blank image) The earth. Population 5,000,000,000. Nice place. Try food. It's a local specialty. (displays a second blank image) The sun. Climate sunny. Don't go barefoot. (laughs and displays a third blank image) Black hole. Roaches check in, but they don't check out. (audience doubles over in laughter) (the Chief walks in) That's the universe. Remember the ACME Triangle of Excellence. (forms the triangle with his hands) My left hand. My right hand. Thumbs. Greg, what're you doing? GRE--!
Chief: (turns off the projector) GREG!
Greg (normal voice) Oh! Ah! Hi, Chief, how are ya?
Chief: You're wasting time! Now, you and the gumshoes have got to find Carmen Sandiego. And I will give a trip anywhere in the lower 48 states to the one that does.
(applause)
Greg: Chief, look, uh, I knew you realize I wasn't makin' fun of you; it was more like a tribute, sorta.
Chief: Go away.
Greg: Yes, ma'am. (exits the office)
Contessa: Carmen, I think they're on to me! Send me someplace really fabulous!
Carmen: Sorry, glamour-puss. Take the reef to a beach town in New Jersey.
Contessa: (gasps) Ah, the one with the casinos!
Carmen: No, it has no casinos. But it has a famous boardwalk and an old bar called The Stone Pony, where Bruce Springsteen's Band started out.
Contessa: Carmen, I want glamor! Not an old bar!
Carmen: Tough, toots. Have some cotton candy for me.
Greg: Now, for our next clue we go to ACME Rap-Net. Here's D-Nice.
D-Nice: Check it. It's called the City of Roses; there's a festival in June. And not a lot of skyscrapers; a block away the moon. It was founded by Lovejoy and Pettygrove too. And there you have it. The D-Nice clue for you.
Greg: Thanks, D.
Greg: I tell ya, on a tough case like this, I always make sure that I check with the founder of ACME Crime-Net. It's the Chief's great-grandmother, Agnes Acme. She always knows what to do.
Agnes: That's Miss Acme to you, young man. Now quit looking at me, and look for the Contessa in the province of Saskatchewan. She's in a city who's name is a Native American word for "berry". It was founded by anti-alcohol activists, and in my day they were called temperance societies. Now don't ruminate. Get to work!
Greg: Thanks, Agnes.
Greg: Okay, looks like everybody's made a decision. You know, Canada is a big place and uh, unfortunately we just lost the Contessa's trail there.
The Voice: As usual.
Greg: Why it's that mysterious voice again.
The Voice: You talk like an actor. Get over here. You'll be right at home where the Contessa is now. She's taking in a play at the Pantages Theater. The Academy Awards were held there for 11 straight years. Earlier she went boating at MacArthur Park.
Greg: Uh, well, what else do you know?
The Voice: I know everything.
Greg: Thank you so much.
The Voice: Oh, and Greg?
Greg: Yes.
The Voice: Go away.
Greg: Yes. Thank you so much.

The Great Head Heist [1.33] [edit]

[Grunge has stolen the Easter Island Head statues]

Scott: Fjord!
Sean, Barry, and Elliot: FJORD!
Scott: Viking!
Sean, Barry, and Elliot: VIKING!
Greg: "Viking".
Scott: Scandanavia!
Sean, Barry, and Elliot: SCANDANAVIA!
Greg: "Scandanavia". Thanks, guys.

The Troubled Triangle [1.35] [edit]

[Double Trouble steal the Bermuda Triangle]

Greg: I'm not exactly sure where Double Trouble took the Triangle.
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Now you've done it!
Greg: That's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. C'mon. (he looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger's window)
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: You've really done it this time. You've ruined all the maps! While you're down there being indecisive, a vital spot in New York has vanished into the Triangle! It's the spot mapmakers use to measure road miles from New York City. And now, it's just a big hole! Traffic's a nightmare on Broadway! Now, get out there and do something! (she frantically closes her window)
Greg: Jonathan Swift was a writer born in Ireland. His story about a gentle giant in the land of Lilliput has become a classic. In the story-- (Frank rings in) Frank.
Frank: The Jolly Green Giant?
(BUZZER!)
Greg: I'm sorry. That's not the answer we're looking for. In the story, Jack and the Beanstalk-- Is the story Jack and the Beanstalk, Ghostbusters, or Gulliver's Travels? (Judd rings in) Judd.
Judd: Ellivle's-- Gulliver-- Gulliver's Travels.
Greg: I think we can accept that. Gulliver's Travels. Yeah. I know exactly what you're goin' through there, pal.
Carmen: Those ACME agents are closing in fast. Hop into the triangle and disappear.
Double Trouble: Geez, Carmen, we could make ACME disappear.
Carmen: A lovely thought, boys, but I've got another idea. Go to an Italian city and stash the triangle in St. Mark's Square. You will have arrived just in time for the Biennale.
Double Trouble: The Bie-what, Carmen?
Carmen: The Biennale. It's a world-famous art show that happens every 2 years. Simply everyone will be there, boys. Don't miss it.
Double Trouble: Geez, Carmen, we love those artist types; we're on our way!
Rockapella: (singing) Spooky Triangle!
Greg: Nice Job, You got Double Trouble. There's one more thing you gotta do now, and that's put 'em in jail. Pull this train-- cha-- trains...
(Judd pulls the chain, and Double Trouble ends up in jail)
Greg: This chain and do it! (Rockapella does Double Trouble's in jail tune) We normally have a train here that you pull, but we had a chain here today.

The Case of the Purloined Pipeline [1.38] [edit]

[Grunge steals the Alaska Pipeline]

(Greg enters the Chief's office to find her gone)
Greg: Hey, Chief! Chief! The Chief's not here. Guess I'll just have to wait for her. (laughs; sits at her desk) This is nice. I like this. This is pretty. (examines some of her things) Cool. Look at all this stuff she has. (magnifies his eye with her magnifying glass) Whoo-whoo-whoo! (laughs) (imitates the Chief's voice) Greg, you're the nerve-center of this whole operation. You're the only one I could count on. Carmen Sandiego is somewhere in the universe, Greg. The boys down at Photo Recon have put together a few slides. Let me show 'em to ya. (turns on the slide projector displaying a blank image) Earth. Population 5,000,000,000. Nice place. Try food. It's a local specialty. (displays a second blank image) The sun. Climate sunny. Don't go barefoot. (laughs and displays a third blank image) Black hole. Roaches check in, but they don't check out! (displays a fourth blank image) Carmen may be prowling around Pluto or hiding on Uranus. Search 'em both. Well, gumshoes, that's the universe. (the Chief walks in) Remember the ACME Triangle of Excellence. (forms the triangle with his hands) My left hand. My right hand. Thumbs. Greg, you're not listening to me. GRE--!
Chief: (turns off the projector) GREG!
Greg (normal voice) Oh! Hey. Sorry. Hi, Chief.
Chief: Wha-- You're wasting time! Now, you and the gumshoes have got to find Carmen Sandiego. I'll give a trip anywhere in the lower 48 states to the one who gets her. (applause)
Greg: Chief, listen. Uh, I hope you don't think that I was makin' fun of you because actually it was more of a tribute.
Chief: Go away.
Greg: Yes, ma'am. (exits the office)
Chief: I don't sound like that.
Carmen: Grunge, you'd better hide that oil where ACME can't find you. Head for the southern end of the Arabian Peninsula. It'll cost you a few Rials to stay in a hotel. You'll love the place. Water's an extremely short supply.
Grunge: Great. No danger of a bath.
Carmen: But you'll have to wear a shirt.
Grunge: Why?
Carmen: It's an Islamic country, Grunge. They find uncovered arms offensive.
Grunge: Gee, Carmen, I like to think that my arms are offensive anywhere.
Carmen: Why me?

Monumental Malfeasance [1.39] [edit]

[Eartha Brute steals the Washington Monument]

Chief: Here's the lowdown on Eartha Brute. When she's not pumping iron, she's pounding heads. Your mission, Gumshoes: Loosen Eartha's grip on the monument, return it to its rightful place, and then, capture Carmen Sandiego! Greg!
Eartha: This thing's getting awful heavy.
Carmen: Quit your belly-aching. ACME's closing in on you. Take the monument to Monument Valley, and hide it behind a butte.
Eartha: But--
Carmen: Not but. Butte. It's a giant rock formation. You'll find it in a southwestern state near the Four Corners.
Eartha: But--
Carmen: Butte! Butte, you Brute!
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Quit your yakking and find that obelisk!
Greg: Oh, man. This is my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. C'mon. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger) Hey. Hey, what's an obelisk?
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: You ninny! The Washington Monument is an obelisk. A stone monolith that tapers to a pyramid at the top. Eartha's in a country where the earliest known obelisks were erected at Abu Qir. Now, catch her and keep your nasty voices quiet! (shuts her window)
Greg: Thank you, love of my life. (blows kisses)
(phone rings and Russell attempts to answer it)
Greg: Oh, hold on a second. I-- Well-- You wanna get it?
Russell: Yes.
Greg: Okay, go ahead. (Russell pulls out the phone) Yeah, just pull it out, there. All right.
Russell: Hello? (Eartha tells Russell to go to Asia)

The Case of the Lifted Lines [1.40] [edit]

[Grunge steals Peru's Nazca Lines]

Grunge: Carmen, those ACME agents have found me again.
Carmen: No wonder, Grunge. You smell like yesterday's garbage. Now, go to the most remote capital in Europe. It's in a valley surrounded by Pyrenees mountains.
Grunge: Gee, Carmen, you're always sendin' me to remote places. (coughs) How will I get there?
Carmen: A henchman who speaks Catalan will take you. Just look for a guy in a gas mask.
Grunge: A gas mask? Carmen, is the place polluted?
Carmen: No, your breath is polluted. Now, get moving!
Greg: Our next clue is coming to us from ACME Make-Believe-Net. Watch.
X: Well, Top Grunge went to Lancaster County. It's known for its large Amish and Mennonite population. Those are religious groups that believe in livin' a very simple life. Like me. They don't drive cars or use electricity. Top Grunge caused quite a commotion when he roared up from Harrisburg, and he was a big problem around the Shoofly Pie.
Henrietta: Meow meow meow meow?
X: Oh, Henrietta, please don't give it away. Wish you well.
Henrietta: Meow meow.
Greg: Thanks a lot, neighbors.

The Rosetta Rip-Off [1.42] [edit]

[Patty Larceny steals the Rosetta Stone]

(Rockapella parodies The Temptations "My Girl")
Sean: There's a salmon ladder... Oh, yeah...
On the Bonneville Dam.
Oh-oh.
Look for Patty there. Hmm-hmm.
'Cause that's where she am.
Whoa-whoa
Well...
All: Maybe at the Ashland Shakespeare Festival
In the Beaver State where she's arrestable.
Sean: Bad girl!
Scott: Bad girl!
Elliot: Bad girl!
Sean: Oh, Patty's one bad girl.
All: P-P-Patty!
Sean: Ooh-be-do. Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
All: The Warrant!
Sean: Oh, yeah.
Greg: Rockapella, everybody! Let's hear it! Come on!
Carmen: Patty, those ACME agents have found you. Head for Hobart. It's the second oldest European settlement in Australia.
Patty: Gee, Carmen, isn't that where they sent British convicts?
Carmen: (laughs) Only the worst ones, Patty, but that was long ago. Now, it's the capital of one of Australia's best nature regions.
Patty: A nature region, huh? Sounds like a good place to hide the stone.
Carmen: Of course it is, Patty. That's why I do the thinking. Go to Freycinet National Park. A henchman will be there to guide you.
Patty: Carmen, I'm on my way!
Greg: Now, guys, it's time for us to turn to the Paula Abdul of the geriatrics set. Please welcome Nana Rap!
(applause)
Nana Rap: (laughs) You're such a nice young man. I'd be happy to do some chill slammin' and jammin' for ya. Hit it! (rock music plays)
Just north of Kalimantan.
Is where 2 states lie.
Is where the rest of the nation.
It borders the tides.
You got rubber production.
Those plantations are sight,
But when it's time to relax,
People love flying kites.
The curtock, a drum makes it sound like its name.
And top-spinning contests are a popular game.
Now, go capture Patty, 'cause I've told you enough.
And show Carmen Sandiego your crime-bustin' stuff!
You got the Nana! Na-ah-ah Nana! Get down with the Nana! Na-ah-ah--
Greg: Let's hear it! Nana Rap! Come on!

The Time Bandit [1.43] [edit]

[Robocrook steals the Aztec calendar.]

Greg: You know, Gumshoes, they say sometimes that dreams can answer questions. Well, I happened to have a dream last night that could probably give you some answers if I can just remember... how that went... that crazy... dream...
Dreaming Greg: Oh, so confusing. Robo's in two time zones. 4:00... Sioux Falls... 3:00... Badlands... What? Missouri River? No. No! Can't swim. Can't swim! (wakes up) Waaauuuggghhh! Waaauuuggghhh! Waaauuuggghhh!
Greg: Oh, whoa, rough night. Heh-heh.
Greg: Now, we found this next informant slinking around an orchard. Watch.
Snake: I sssssaw that clanky guy. He was trying to sssssell a calendar in Jerusalem. That's the Jewish homeland. But they use the Hebrew calendar. They sssay it goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden. Sssounds about right to me. Wanna bite?
Carmen: Go south of Israel along the Red Sea. I want you to head for Mecca. It's the Arab city where Mohammed was born.
Robo: Clarify. Who is Mohammed?
Carmen: You tinhead. He's the founder of Islam, one of the biggest religions in the world. Stop outside of the city, though. You can't enter if you're not Muslim.
Robo: Acknowledged. When do I arrive?
Carmen: In the Islamic year of 1412.
Robo: Isn't that 579 years ago?
Carmen: No. In Mecca, it's right now.
Greg: Now, bad news, Gumshoes. Uh, we didn't get--
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Will you knock it off down there?!
Greg: Oh, no. That's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger)
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: I'm sick of your noise! He went here. He went there. Look on the South Pacific island of ʻEua. Just west of the International Date Line, for goodness sakes! It's close to Samoa. Now, go get him and stop making such a racket! (shuts her window)
Greg: Isn't she a sweetheart?

The Fat Lady Sings No More [1.45] [edit]

[The Contessa steals the Sydney Opera House]

(Contessa sings in Italian)
Carmen: You'll be singing a different tune when ACME nabs you.
Contessa: (gasps) Mama Figimasta! What should I do?!
Carmen: Head for the west-African coast. You can park the Opera House on the Goree Island. You'll love the French restaurants and the beautiful beaches in this town.
Contessa: It sounds delightful!
Carmen: Yes, it is. Just be sure to brush up on your Wolof. It's the nation's main indigenous language.
Contessa: Carmen, you make me crazy! Every day, with the brushing up! What am I?! A criminal or a translator?!
Carmen: Contessa, darling, you're going to be an inmate if you don't hurry up. Now get moving!
Chief: Back when I was a little Chieflet, I used to take opera lessons. I practiced every evening, while I helped out at my father's China shop. (sings opera) Lamu. Lamu. La-MUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(lots of things in her office break)
(the audience laughs)
Chief: But as soon as I started getting the hang of it, Dad made me give it up and take mime instead.

The Case of the Pilfered Palace [1.50] [edit]

[The Contessa steals the Alhambra Palace]

Chief: (about the Great Salt Lake) You couldn't sink in this water if you wanted to.

The Case of the Purloined Pole [1.51] [edit]

[Robocrook steals the North Pole]

(Barry enters the room dressed as Santa Claus followed by Scott dressed as an elf)
Sean and Elliot: Jingle bells! Jingle, jingle bells, jingle bells...
Greg: Looks like we have Special Agent Claus with us today.
Santa: I'm really T'd off this time. I'm really T'd off! That Robo creep is gonna get coal for Christmas this year! First, he stole the North Pole, and then he's in my summer house in Turku, on the shores of the Gulf of Bothnia. First, he scared the reindeer, and then he turned off the northern lights. Ooooooh... I'm mad! (he and his elf return to the alley)
Greg: Okay, okay. Ooh! I'd hate to rile that guy! Not a good idea.
Robo: Made it. I've vaulted across the Atlantic to the Garden State.
Carmen: Listen up. They're on to you. Hotfoot it over to the University and blend in at the game.
Robo: Game? What kind of game?
Carmen: You know, football. When you get there, hide in the ivy.
Robo: But I'm not in that league.
Carmen: Just do what I tell you. Leave the thinking to me.
Greg: Hey, guys. What's the Word on the Street?
Sean: The word is "49,000".
Elliot: Hey! That's not a word. That's a number!
Sean: There's a 49,000-year-old meteor crater near the city of Flagstaff, and it's in the 49th state, Greg.
Elliot: Hey! No, it's not. It's in the 48th!
Greg: Guys, guys, guys.
Sean: Sorry, Greg.
Greg: It's okay. (exits)
Barry: Bye.

The Return of Dracula's Castle [1.55] [edit]

[RoboCrook steals the Bran Castle from Transylvania, Romania.]

Greg: What you have to do now is track Carmen Sandiego through 7 different countries, identifying each country with a marker. If you're right, you'll hear this sound. (siren sounds) But if you're wrong, you'll hear this sound. (BUZZER!) Now, if you're wrong 2 times, don't worry about it, leave the marker where it is, go on to the next one. But if you're right 7 times, within 60 seconds, then you're gonna win that trip to wherever you wrote down in that portfolio just a minute ago. Sound okay to you?
Dhaval: Yeah.
Greg (to the audience): Sound okay to you, guys?
Audience: YEAH!!!

The Purloined Pooch [1.58] [edit]

[Patty Larceny steals the Lhasa Apso]

Chief: I want results, Greg! I want you to find Patty! I want you to bring back that pooch! Lhasa Apsa... What's his name?
Greg: Lhasa Apso. Yep.
Chief: Yeah. If you get Patty, she will lead us to Carmen Sandiego, and that's what I want! Now, report, Buster!
Greg: Okay. Well, we had a talking yak for a while, which kinda threw us for a little bit. But...
Chief: All right. Wait. I'll sweeten the pot for the Gumshoes. (to the Gumshoes) Gumshoes, find Carmen, and I will send you anywhere in the whole country.
Greg: Uh, Chief.
Chief: What?
Greg: (whispers) We can't do that.
Chief: Why not?
Greg: We're talkin' 'bout budget. (whispers an idea to the Chief)
Chief: Oh. (to the Gumshoes) Anywhere in the lower 48 states.
Greg: Hey!
(the audience cheers and applauds)
Chief: Hey, it's still a heck of a deal!
Greg: Heck of a deal!
Chief: Yeah. (to Greg) Go away.
Greg: Yes, ma'am. Okay.
(he exits the office)
Greg: Everything's okay.
Patty: If it isn't too much trouble, please bring 100,000,000 lire to the Via De La Scrofa. I'll be enjoying fettucine at Alfredo's. If I don't get the money by the time they serve the cappuccino, Apso will become a little dog gone. Molto grazia. I mean, thank you so very much. Ciao!
Greg: Hmm. Nothin' like a polite threat!

The Disoriented Express [1.62] [edit]

[Double Trouble steals the TGV Train]

Greg: Chief, d'you have any money?

Island Copping [1.63] [edit]

[Patty Larceny steals the Hawaiian Island of Kure.]

Patty: Aunt Carmen, they're closing in fast. What should I do?
Carmen: Hide on the world's largest island. Then rent a dog sled. That's how some of the children get to school there.
Patty: Sounds cold.
Carmen: It is. Most of the island is covered by ice a mile thick.
Patty: Anything else I should know?
Carmen: Yes, dear. Brush up on your Danish. The island is a province of Denmark.
Greg: (about Scott the Dying Informant, prior to the 2nd round) He's really starting to annoy me.

The Costume Caper [1.65] [edit]

[Double Trouble steals Madame Tussaud's wax figures]

Carmen: Head for Kyoto. When you see fire on a mountain in the shape of a symbol for big, you'll know you're there.
Double Trouble: Sounds like fun. What's the occasion?
Carmen: It's the Daimonji festival. The end of the Bon season. When the spirits of the dead return to earth.
Double Trouble: Geez, sounds kinda scary to us, Carmen.
Carmen: Don't worry, it's a celebration.
Double Trouble: Hey, celebration's our middle name.
Chief: (refers to the St. Charles Streetcar Line) Take a ride. It's absolutely stellar. (imitates Marlon Brando) Stella. Stella! STELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
(the audience laughs)
Chief: This is Lynne Thigpen speaking for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?, and remember, if you get robbed, don't worry, Jack. We'll find your stuff and give it back!

Season 2 [edit]

Funding Spiels [edit]

Opening [edit]
Chief: Today's caper is presented by WQED Pittsburgh, and WGBH Boston. Carmen's gang is bankrolled by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and by Viewers Like You.
Another announcer: And by Delta Airlines. Because at Delta, We love to fly and it shows.
Closing [edit]
Chief: This program was bankrolled by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and by Viewers Like You.
Another announcer: And by Delta Airlines. Because at Delta, We love to fly and it shows.

Opening sequence [edit]

Chief: Today's episode, (Insert episode title)!
[Rockapella scatting]
[Chief gives out the instructions to the gumshoe about the villain and their crime]
[Scene change to the opening sequence with the camera zooming over to a bunch of applauding studio audience]
Chief: All of these people want to know! (In Disturbing the Heavenly Piece, She went "Have no fear, The Celebrity Gumshoes are here today on,")
Rockapella: (singing as we see an animated graphic of Carmen walking, and gets flashed into the title logo) Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
Chief: And one of these Gumshoes could find her!
[One of the Rockapella calls out the names of the gumshoe]
Chief: And here he is, The ACME agent who is in charge of new recruit, Greg Lee!

[edit]

Chief: All geographic information were accurate as of the date this program was recorded.

Carmen's Final Location [edit]

  • Double Trouble: We're doin' the jailhouse rock. But it just isn't a party without Carmen Sandiego. You'll find her in (continent). (Version A)
  • Vic: If I gotta make one more license plate, I'm gonna melt my polyester! Go get Carmen to help me! She's in (continent). (Version A)
  • Robo: RoboCrook in jail? Carmen's still free? Illogical. Does not compute. Look for Carmen in (continent). (Version A)
  • Grunge: Hey! I've got some good dirt for ya. Then again, all dirt is good. Anyway, Carmen Sandiego is in (continent). (coughs and sneezes) (Version A)
  • Patty: This jail is so neat. All the colors match! Gray, gray and gray. I want Carmen to enjoy it, too. Look for her in (continent). (Version A)
  • Eartha: This is Eartha Brute calling. All I do here in jail is split rocks. I've never been so happy in all my life. Bring Carmen over to share in the fun. You'll find her in (continent). (Version A)
  • Wonder Rat: Nobody here in jail appreciates my classic good looks! Get Carmen in here! She loves me! You'll find her in (continent). (Version B)
  • Vic: Carmen's commitin' crimes while I'm penned up in prison, playin' poker for peanuts! You can find Carmen in (continent). (Version B)
  • Wonder Rat: If there's one thing a rat can do, it's rat! If you wanna find Carmen Sandiego, sniff around (continent). (Version A)
  • Patty: Carmen's still free and I'm not! Well, she can just go to fiddlesticks. Better yet, she can go to jail. To arrest her, go to (continent). (Version B)
  • Kneemoi: Gee, another amazing Earth concept. Jail! I must show this to Carmen. Look for her in (continent).
  • Grunge: I'm gettin' lonely here in jail. Me without Carmen is like a dog without a flea. (coughs) You'll find her in (continent). (sneezes) (Version B)
  • Robo: It really burns my fuses that Carmen is still free. To find her, scan (continent). (Version B)
  • Double Trouble: The warden threw a party in the county jail. The prison band was there and they began to wail... for Carmen Sandiego. Go find her in (continent). (Version B)
  • Eartha: Gee, I'm mad at Carmen! She's out there, running around, and having fun, while I'm stuck in jail! You'll find her in (continent). (Version B)
  • Double Trouble: We're partying in prison, and we crave Carmen's company. Look for her in (continent). (Version C)

Disturbing the Heavenly Peace [2.1] [edit]

[Double Trouble steal Tiananmen Square.]

Chief: (After Double Trouble's profile) Pilfering and partying are the primary preferences of this pair of perpetrators.
Conrad Knuckle: (as the Chief) Greg, in my office on the double.
Greg: Okay, Chief. I'll be right there. You guys stay here. I wanna check with her. Gotta fix that sound. (enters the office) Chief, what's up?
Conrad: Greg, what's the latest on Carmen Sandiego?
Greg: Whoa, Chief. (imitates Conrad) "What's the latest on Carmen Sandiego?". (normal voice) You sound kinda weird today. What's with your voice?
Conrad: Well, Greg, that's because I'm not myself.
Greg: Okay, if you're not yourself,... then who are ya?!
Conrad: I'm Conrad Knuckle, joint director for E.M.C.A., another anti-crime agency.
Greg: EMCA? Hey, wait a minute, that's ACME spelled backwards.
Conrad: Yes. I've taken over the Chief's mind for awhile.
Greg: Well, when are you gonna stop being Conrad Knuckle, (furiously) and start being my beloved Chief again?!
Conrad: All right! As soon as I make this offer to your gumshoes. My organization, EMCA, will send whoever catches Carmen on a free trip to the sausage packing room of Mueller's meat company in Beaver Dam, Wisconsin.
Greg: Gee, Conrad, that's a nice offer, but it's not really the ACME way. I'm not sayin' it's a bad deal or anything. I'm just--
Conrad: What do you suggest?
Greg: Well, how about offering a trip to anywhere in North America to the gumshoe who captures Carmen Sandiego?
Conrad: Hmm, yeah. That might be better incentive than the meat thing. Okay. Anywhere in North America, it is.
Greg: Great.
Conrad: Now, to get me to leave the Chief's body, you must hit my shoulder repeatedly with a squeaking toy hammer.
Greg: Well, what a coincidence. (pulls one out of his jacket) Just happen to have one right here. (starts hitting the shoulder)
Chief: Greg! What on earth are you doing?!
Greg: Chief, you're back. Hi. See, your body was filled with Conrad Knuckle. He's the head of EMCA which is still good guys, but it's ACME spelled backwards, and he said I, uh, had to hit you with this. (hands the Chief the squeaking toy hammer) I'm gonna go-- Glad you're back. (exits the office)
Greg: (in feminine voice) Okay. Back to work.
(he reacts and hits himself with the hammer)
Greg: (normal voice) Okay. Back to work.
Greg: (after the Chief chases Sean and Elliot before the Chase) (laughs) My favorite part of the show.
Rockapella: (each time Tiananmen Square is revealed in the 2nd round)
Asian burglary!
Ragin' Asian!
Tension's mounting!
Pressure's building!
Go, Lindsey!
Go, Santhosh!
Go, team, go!
Jeremy: Hello? No! You cannot be on Growing Pains. Oh. (to Lindsey) It's for you. (hands Lindsey the phone)
Lindsey: Hello?
(the twins tell her to go to Asia)
Greg: So what did they say?
Lindsey: Um… Asia!
Greg: …Asia!
Jeremy: …Asia!
Greg: So that means you and I are going to… Asia!
Jeremy: …Asia!
Chief: You've done great work today. (knocks on her desk) And we're proud of you. A-- (notices that the screen isn't popping up) WALTER!! (the screen pops up with the Chief's magnifying glass) I hereby upgrade you. (she grabs her magnifying glass) You are now a Sleuth! (holds her magnifying glass in front of her eye) Congratulations!

The Immigration Station Perpetration [2.2] [edit]

[Double Trouble steal Ellis Island]

Greg: Oh, uh, usually, I get a call from the Chief about this... (sees on the monitor that she is absent from her office) ...time, but-- Chief? She's not there. Lemme go-- Just lemme go check on her. I'm gonna find out. You guys stay here. Just wanna find out. (enters the office) Chief! Hey, Chief! That's funny. The Chief isn't even in here. (sees a note on her desk) Wait a minute. What's this? It's a letter. (sits down; reads letter) It says: "Dear Chief, This is good-bye? I can no longer stand by where you devote all your time to capturing Carmen. What could've been will never be, because what could be can't be, if you won't be and I can't be. So good-bee..." I mean, "-bye. Signed, Horace. P.S.: I can never get used to calling you Chief." Ah! That is so sad! Oh! But I guess that's the price ya pay when ya dedicate your life to fighting crime.
(the Chief returns, wiping her eye)
Chief: Oh, Greg, I'm sorry I'm late.
Greg: Oh, Chief, that's okay.
Chief: I had something in my eye.
Greg: Well, that's perfectly understandable. It sure is. Yes, it is understandable.
Chief: What do you mean it's understandable?
Greg: Well, Chief, you know, I had my heart broken, too. Yeah. Her name was Patti Fitzbingling-Enhoffendorffer. I called her Patti. And not a day goes by when I still don't think about her, except maybe yesterday, and of course, Tuesday, I didn't think about her...
Chief: Greg, what are you blathering about?!
Greg: Well, Chief, we saw the letter, and, you know...
Chief: Oh. That! Oh. (laughs) This is a letter I got when I was just a little Chieflet in the 2nd grade. It's scrap paper! What's important is what I wrote on the back.
Greg: (sees the back of the letter) I see. ACME Memo. (reads) "To all Gumshoes, regarding reward, the agent who captures Carmen Sandiego will get a free trip anywhere in North America."
(applause)
Greg: That's great, Chief. Yeah. Uh, Chief, by the way, whatever happened to Horace? Did he get married? Or...
Chief: Go away, Greg.
Greg: Maybe it's too personal.
Chief: Greg?
Greg: Okay.
(he exits the office, and the Chief pulls out a hidden picture and looks at it in tears)
Chief: Horace.
(as for Greg, he comes out of the office, crying; the audience groans in sorrow)
Greg: Patti. (blows his nose, wipes his tears, and returns to work) Okay, Gumshoes!
Rockapella: (each time Ellis Island is revealed in the 2nd round; the first three are parts of the "Gilligan's Island" theme song)
A three hour tour!
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale!
The movie star!
The Loot!

The Blarney Burglary [2.3] [edit]

[Vic the Slick steals the Blarney Stone]

Chief: (after Vic's Profile) He thinks he's a high living playboy, but he's really just a low rent hustler.
Chief: (as her office tilts to the left) Greg, come into my office.
Greg: Right, Chief. I'll be right there. You guys stay here. I wanna check with her. Looks like this may be serious. Be right back. (enters the office) Chief,-- (the office tilts to the right) Whoa! Chief, what's happenin' today?
Chief: Well, the office is being balanced today.
Greg: Balanced?
Chief: Mm-hmm.
Greg: What do you mean balanced?
Chief: Well, as a building gets older, it settles usually unevenly and every few years, the ACME Balancing Bureau. They come in and they rebalance my office.
Greg: No kiddin'.
Chief: Yeah.
Greg: (wiggles around, which causes the office to do the same) It's somethin'. (laughs)
Chief: Yeah. Uh, how close are you to nabbing Carmen?
Greg: Well, that's a very good question, Chief. You know, she can be very elusive sometimes. Sometimes, she's over here. (runs the left side of the office and it tilts in that direction)
Chief: Whoa!
Greg: And we think we've got her and (runs back to the right and the office tilts in that direction) we've gotta move back over this way and she's right-- You feelin' okay there, Chief? You look maybe sick.
Chief: I get the point, Greg.
Greg: I would hope so, Chief. You know, sometimes, when I think it's some of the capers she's pulled, it turns my stomach, too.
Chief: Yeah.
Greg: Uh, what do you think we oughta give the gumshoe that captures Carmen Sandiego? You know, I've been thinkin' about this and part of me sayin-- (he is about to make the office tilt to the left, but the Chief stops him)
Chief: Greg. Let's give the gumshoe who nabs Carmen Sandiego a free trip to anywhere in North America! (applause)
Greg: That's good.
Chief: Yeah.
Greg: That's good. Because that way (runs to the left) when she's over here.
Chief: Greg!
Greg: We're gonna know when she's right there. And then right before she moves, (runs to the right) we'll be right over there. Chief, you don't look so good.
Chief: Greg, I'll feel a lot better when you go away.
Greg: Chief, someday you're gonna miss me. (runs to the left and back to the right and exits the office)
Vic: Carmen, I don't know about this Blarney Stone. It hasn't changed the way I talk at all.
Carmen: That's because you're already full of Blarney, Vic. Listen. Head for the rocky cliffs of the Monterey Peninsula. This area used to supply sand to the golf courses all over the country.
Vic: Hey, I love Golf!
Carmen: You'll be near the town where celebrities come every year to Golf in the National Pro-Am tournament. Bing Crosby founded the tourney in 1936.
Vic: Hey, I love Bing, too. (sings "White Christmas") I'm dreamin' of a White Christmas. (laughs)
Greg: Hmmm, usually that song puts me in a very festive mood, but now I'm a little nauseous.
Plastic Diver Guy: Vic just hid the Blarney Stone in the Charles River. He's in a city that's home to hundreds of thousands of Irish-Americans, and they've seen their share of Blarney. During the 1920's, Mayor James Curley sweet-talked his way into office, even though he was indicted for fraud.
Greg: Was he convicted?
Plastic Diver Guy: He spent the first 5 months of his mayoral term in jail. It's also home to that snooty PBS station that wouldn't hire me to host NOVA, even though I begged!
Greg: Now, come on. That is a very lengthy process.
Plastic Diver Guy: Uh-oh! Greg! It's the ominous music! Oh, no! It's too late! It's... IT'S...! (he suddenly gargles when a huge doll lands on him)
Rockapella: The one and only Plastic Diver Guy!
(applause)
Greg: Plastic Diver Guy!
Rockapella: (as the Blarney Stone is revealed) Blarney Rubble!

A Carmen for Carmen [2.5] [edit]

[Vic the Slick steals Carmen Island.]

Carmen: They're on to you, Vic. Hide Carmen Island on Devil's Island in South America.
Vic: You mean the famous prison?
Carmen: It's not a prison anymore. Now tourists go there believe it or not, and it's in the same place that the launch site used by the European space program.
Vic: I didn't know Europe was puttin' people in orbit.
Carmen: Not people. Satellites. The space program is run as a business. They launch satellites for companies and other nations.
Vic: A space business, huh? Geez, those frequent flier miles must really add up.
Joey: Okay, gumshoes. Look for Vic in Asir National Park. There's hiking, cool temperatures, and mountain scenery, and it's a Mideast nation with one of the world's largest deserts. The desert's about the size of France, but so hot and so dry that almost no one goes there. No wonder Vic headed for the hills, but you gotta keep the heat on.
Rockapella: (each time Carmen Island is revealed in the 2nd round)
Beach booty!
Mr. Lonely!
No cable!
Lost lagoon!
Far from Greg's house!
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale!
Lookin' for an island!
Lil' buddy!
Let's go to Greg's house!

No Brainer [2.6] [edit]

[RoboCrook steals a Brain Institute.]

Contractor: You guys are great. You know what else I like? I like every day, (to Greg) when you come into the office here, (to the Chief) and you tell him (Greg) to...
Greg and The Chief: "Go away.". (they all laugh, and the contractor heads back to work)
Greg: Well, he really likes that part.
Chief: You, too.
Greg: Yes, ma'am. (he exits the office)
Greg: I tell ya, Norm Abram would be proud! (laughter)
(Rockapella parodies "The Brady Bunch" theme song)
Scott: Here's the story of the Florida city...
That was founded back in 1824.
As the capital of the territory.
Who could ask for more?
It's a college town, and Robo's got the brains.
At FSU and ANM, he stopped for lunch.
Then he did a little fishing at Lake Jackson.
And that's where Robo stashed the Brainy Bunch.
Sean: Oh, the Brainy Bunch.
Scott and Elliot: Brainy Bunch.
Sean: The Brainy Bunch.
Scott and Elliot: Brainy Bunch.
All: That is where Robo stashed the Brainy Bunch!
Sean: Oh, yeah!
All: Ba-da ba-da ba-ba-da-bop!
Greg: Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen!
Greg: (about Robo during The Chase round) He hid out in the capital of Georgia. Name it. (Kristyna buzzes in)
Greg: Kristyna?
Kristyna: What is Atlanta? (laughter)
Greg: Atlanta's right! Welcome to Jeopardy! and Carmen Sandiego.
Greg: (imitates Alex Trebek's voice) Hi. I'm Alex Trebek, and now it's time for final clue of this round (normal voice) which means you have to decide how much you wanna to risk.
Rockapella: Goin' out of my head over you!

The Autobahn Con [2.7] [edit]

[Grunge steals the Autobahn]

Grunge: Wow. What a great road. No speed limit! (laughs)
Carmen: Stop laughing and start leaving, asphalt breath. I want you to haul the highway to N'Djamena. It's the capital of a landlocked African nation.
Grunge: I don't know, Carmen. Ain't there a war goin' on?
Carmen: Not anymore. The Muslim nomads in the north and the non-Muslim farmers in the south used to fight each other, but that's over. If the city's too risky, head north to the mountains of the Sahara Desert. And get a camel their blanket. It's cold there.
Grunge: Sounds kinda itchy, Carmen. You know how sensitive my skin is.
Carmen: That's only because you never washed it.
(garbled audio)
Greg: 'Scuse me just one moment. I think I'm getting a message from Kafka. (sets off for The Roach Hotel) Let's check into The Roach Hotel.
Kafka: Greg, hi. You caught me eating lunch. Anyway, Grunge is on a Peninsula in the Atlantic. Where birds from all over stop on their way south every year. Humans seem to like it, too. The town on the Peninsula's tip is full of lovely Victorian boarding houses and Hotels. The birds like it. The humans like it, but it just isn't damp and stinky enough for a roach like me. Speaking of damp and stinky, I love these things. They're awful.

The Cave Art Caper [2.8] [edit]

[Patty Larceny steals the Lascaux Cave paintings.]

Chief: (after Patty's Profile is shown) She's the most dangerous criminal who ever polished an apple.
Chief: Oh. Excuse me. You've got to grab a bite to eat when you can on this job. Hmm? I just can't resist a plate of fried shrimp. But, let's get down to business. Patty Larceny was last seen in a city on the northwestern shore of the Gulf of Mexico. Now, this area is home to many Vietnamese families who move there during the 1970s and 80s from their war-torren homeland. Because of the warm weather in costal locations, a lot of these immigrants went back into the business they had left behind in Asia. (about her fried shrimp) Shrimping, hmm? Now, Patty might hide the paintings behind the 10-mile long seawall, built to protect the city from hurricanes. Now, you catch her before those priceless pictures are washed away!
Greg: Thanks, Chief. Will do. Uh, enjoy your lunch.
Greg: (about the Stool Pigeon) Yeah, yeah. He just can't seem to keep his beak shut!
Greg: All right gumshoes… (Acts disgusted) Pardon me, I'm better now.
Chief: (in a high squeaky voice) Greg, come into my office. And hurry!
Greg: Okay, Chief. I'll-- I'll be right there. You guys wanna stay here. Uh, looks like the Chief might need me. (enters the office) Chief?! Hey, Chief... Wow, that's odd. WHOA! Look at the size of that bug on the Chief's desk! I'll squash it with this book.
Chief: No, Greg! No! No! No! It's me! The Chief!
Greg: Chief?! That's you?! That's an amazing disguise! How'd you get so tiny?!
Chief: The gang at ACME Shrinking-Things Net accidentally shrunk me, so, uh, the effects haven't worn off yet.
Greg: Well, that's too bad, Chief. I guess you could say they made a *tiny* mistake.
Chief: Greg.
Greg: It was just a little joke, Chief. Come on! Look on the bright side. You'll never be late cuz you know all the shortcuts. (laughs)
Chief: Greg?
Greg: Come on, you can always get work as a short-order cook! (laughs)
Chief: That will be quite enough, Greg! Now, listen. You go back and tell the gumshoes, that the one who captures Carmen Sandiego will get an all-expenses-paid trip to anywhere in North America!
Greg: That's good, Chief. A little *wee* bit of incentive. (laughs)
Chief: You're making me mad, Greg!
Greg: Now, Chief, don't get short-tempered! I mean, you can always get into the movies for half-price, and you'll be the last one to know that it's raining.
(all of a sudden, the Chief returns to her normal size)
Chief: Greg?
Greg: Uh... H-h-hi, Chief?
(the Chief kneels down before him)
Chief: Go away!
(Greg exits the office)
Greg: Didn't really matter. I was outta small jokes anyway.
Carmen: The gumshoes are after you, Patty. Take the cave paintings to the northernmost part of the Indian Ocean.
Patty: Is it a gulf?
Carmen: No, it's a sea.
Patty: But I thought a sea was an inland body of saltwater.
Carmen: Not this one. It's part of the ocean that extends into the continent.
Patty: But that's a gulf!
Carmen: It looks like a gulf, but it's called a sea! See?
Patty: Si. Uh, I mean, yes.
Carmen: Good. Cruise up the coast of Oman. Maybe ACME will think you're just another oil-tanker.
Patty: Carmen, who do you think I am? Top Grunge?!
Cree: Patty Larceny, you just flunked current events! EEEHHH! Thanks for playing Patty.
Charnelle: EEEHHH!
Chief: They named a small hill after one sibling, a road after another, but, the oldest son, Kyi, they named the whole town after him, Kiev. Now, this will come as no surprise to anyone who has a big brother.
(an image of a decaying skeleton is shown)
Chief: Talk to our agent on the inside. He's been there for quite awhile, so he knows what's up. And don't let the disguise fool you, he's a heck of a dancer! And now, you'd better to some fancy stepping too, gumshoes. Patty and the Lascaux Cave paintings are in Kiev. Go get 'em.
Rockapella: (each time the Lascaux Cave paintings are revealed in the 2nd round)
Lascaux Van Gough!
Subterranean Scratchings!
Barry: Gentlemen, dip your brushes.
Greg: (laughs) What?!
Chief: This is Lynne Thigpen speaking for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? and remember: If you're a villain, we'll burst your bubble. When crooks meet ACME, their troubles double!

Trouble On Tanganyika [2.9] [edit]

[Eartha Brute steals the Liemba Ferry.]

Chief: (as her phone rings constantly) Greg, come here to my office.
Greg: Yes, ma'am. I'll-- I'll be right there. You guys stay here. I wanna check with her. Somethin' strange is goin' on. (he enters the office) Chief, your phone's ringing.
Chief: Yes. It's been ringing all day. But whenever I pick it up, there's no one on the other end!
Greg: I hear it. Let me try it. (picks up the phone) ACME Crime Net! Yeah. She's right here. (hands the phone to the Chief) It's for you, Chief.
Chief: (to phone) Hello? (firmly) Hello? (furiously) Hello?! D'oh! (hangs up) They did it again! It's probably Carmen up to her old tricks. You know, it's a fine mess when I can't answer my own phone.
Greg: Chief, wait a minute. There's somethin' in your ear. That's why--
Chief: What?
Greg: There's something in your ear!
Chief: Oh, there is?
Greg: Yeah. Lemme-- You want me to get it out? (pulls out an earplug) Oh. Oh. Oh, Chief, no wonder you couldn't hear. You had an earplug in your ear.
Chief: (laughs) Of course. It was noisy last night, and I put in my earplugs. That's much better.
Greg: I bet so. Yeah. Now, is there anything you want me to tell my Gumshoes today?
Chief: Yes. Tell them if Carmen is put behind bars, the Gumshoe packs her in the slammer will get a free trip anywhere in North America!
(applause)
Greg: That is good news, Chief.
Chief: Listen. You get out there. Get back to work, Greg. Huh?
Greg: Yes, ma'am. Okay.
Chief: Oh, and one-- By the way, could you get this one out?
Greg: Oh, yeah. Sure. Lemme see. Oh.
Chief: Yeah.
Greg: Oh. (pulls out the other earplug and brings it with him as he exits the office) Oh, okay. Oh.
Chief: Oh.
Greg: Bye, Chief.
Chief: Ooh, yeah. Bye.
Rockapella: (chatter like the Beatles)
Greg: Wait a minute. I'm getting a Fab 4 kinda feeling and I think we're drawn to this television. (turns a knob bellow the monitor, then hits the side and Rockapella appear on it dressed as The Beatles and perform a parody of "Yesterday")
Rockapella (singing to the tune of the "Chattanooga Choo-Choo" as the Liemba Ferry is revealed in the 2nd round): Pardon me, boys, is that the Tanganyika Ferry, Greggie?
Greg: (laughs) The Beatles, ladies and gentlemen.
(phone rings and Greg answers it)
Greg: Do you wanna take it or should I?
Daniel: You can take it.
Greg: I'll take it first. Hello? No, you don't want me. Okay. (hands Daniel the phone) They never want me.
Daniel: Hello? (Eartha tells Daniel to go to Asia)
Greg: (sees Daniel trip and fall) Oh! Careful. (he runs to him) You all right? Come on. You all right? Come on. You got it? (buzzer sounds) Oh, are you okay, buddy?
Daniel: Yeah.
Greg: Okay. How many did you get there? You got how many? How many? 6 in 45 seconds. You guys, give him the biggest round of applause you possibly can.
Greg: (holds up the red siren light of a broken marker) We have the head here! We almost got her!

Bad Day On Broadway [2.10] [edit]

[Double Trouble steal the Tony Awards.]

Chief: (upside-down) Greg, come into my office.
Greg: Yes, ma'am. I sure will. You guys will stay here. I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. (enters the office, where it has been turned upside-down) Chief, what are you doin' on the ceiling?
Chief: I was just about to ask you the same question.
Greg: I'm on the floor, Chief.
Chief: Oh, no! I must have gotten so upset by Carmen's latest caper that I just flipped!
Greg: Well, what do you want me to do about it?
Chief: Well, you'll have to turn the verto-inverter knob. That should flip me back. It's over by the light switch.
Greg: All right. (goes to the entrance of the office, turns the knob, and the office is turned right-side up. However, Greg is now upside-down as he walks back to the Chief) Ah, Chief, nothin' happened!
Chief: Yes, it did. Now, I'm right-side up and you're upside-down.
Greg: I can't stay like this. What am I gonna tell my gumshoes?
Chief: Well, you can tell them that whoever captures Carmen Sandiego will get a trip to anywhere in North America!
(applause)
Greg: Now, Chief, that's one good thing. Wait a minute, I got an idea. (flips the office upside down and himself right-side up)
Chief: Greg, put me back!
Greg: No.
Chief: Greg, you put me back this minute! (Greg puts his fingers in his ears and sings goofily)
Greg: Can't hear ya, Chief. (continues singing)
Chief: Greg, you get me on the floor, now!
Greg: Nanny-nanny-poo-poo! (he leaves)
Chief: Greg, when I get down on the floor, you have no idea the things that I can do to you. I'm the Chief! You know that we-- (the office is flipped right-side up and Greg is sideways)
Greg: See? I got ya mad. You flipped again. It worked! Whaddaya say, Chief?
Chief: Go away, Greg.
Greg: I think I'm gonna... just... slide on outta here. (slides out of the office) It's really hard on the arches.
Carmen: Take the Tonys to an African country, where theater has been used as a weapon.
Double Trouble: Well, that's a pretty big weapon to carry around, Carmen.
Carmen: Not that kind of weapon. Playwrights like Athol Fugard and Mbongeni Ngema use their words as weapons to fight apartheid.
Double Trouble: Wow! That takes courage.
Carmen: That's right. Now, apartheid is ending and the country's creating a new constitution with equality for all.
Double Trouble: Well, let's give those playwrights a Tony or 2. We've got a ton of 'em.
Carmen: If you flash those awards, the only bright lights you'll see will be on the guard towers in prison.
Double Trouble: Oh, Carmen, you never let us have any fun.
Greg: Too bad, guys.
Rockapella: Filched Follies!

The Statue Steal [2.14] [edit]

[Wonder Rat steals the statue of Gnassingbe Eyadema from Sarakawa, Togo]

Chief: (after Wonder Rat's profile) He's so desperate to promote himself, he'd pose for the photo on a box of rat poison.
Carmen: ACME's about to trap you. Head for a city whose population went from 0 to 10,000 in one day.
Wonder Rat: Holy cheese! Why do they hurry?
Carmen: Because the US government was giving the land away. It's in a state that was called Indian Territory until it was open for settlement. At noon on April 22, 1889, gunshots were fired. That was the signal for thousands of people to charge in and state their claims.
Wonder Rat: So, the government took Indian Territory and gave it away to other people? Nyah, that's stealin'.
Carmen: You oughta know, Cheesemeister. Now, move.
Chief: This marker stands at the southernmost point in the US outside of Hawaii, and-- Oh, now, will you look at that? What? See those two names on top? Someone has thoughtlessly put graffiti on it. Let's try to get a closer look on them. (the camera zooms up closer to the top of the marker) Focus on them. Uh,-- Oh, yes. Sue and Janet. Well, I can't quite make out the last name. Well, Sue and Janet, if you're watching this show, how does it feel to have 5,000,000 people know you have defaced public property?
Rockapella: (to the tune of the Bee-Gee's "Stayin' Alive"; when the statue is revealed) Ah, ah, ah, ah, Stayin' Alive! Stayin' Alive!

The Amazing Boomerang Effect [2.15] [edit]

[Robocrook steals Australia's bommerangs]

Robo: Carmen, ACME is closing in. Send me somewhere safe.
Carmen: Head for the city of Göteborg by the North Sea. It's in a country where peace and safety are a way of life. It's in the nation of Doug Hammershald, who founded the UN Peacekeeping Force in the middle east.
Robo: So, it's peaceful, but is it safe?
Carmen: Violence is a no-no. It's even illegal for parents to spank their children.
Robo: So, the Gumshoes can't spank me?
Carmen: No, but they can still bust you. Keep out of sight.
Robo: Robocrook transmitting from a correctional institute. Carmen Sandiego presently located in South America. Ta-ta.

School's Out [2.16] [edit]

[Patty Larceny steals the University of Costa Rica]

Rockapella: (sings to the tune of Alice Cooper's "School's Out") School's out forever!
Greg: Nice job. Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen.

Rockin' Rio Ripoff [2.17] [edit]

[Double Trouble steal the Son Libre Recording studio from Rio de Janeiro]

Greg: I guess that Double Trouble are in that very same country.
Rockapella: Good guess, Greg!
Greg: Thank you very much. (laughter)
Chief: Greg, my office, now.
Greg: Yes, ma'am. I'll be right there. You guys stay here. I'm gonna go check with her. Time for my daily chat with the Chief. (enters the office, where the Chief is missing some of her things)
Chief: Greg-- Greg, I feel like I'm going crazy!
Greg: What's the matter, Chief?
Chief: Things are disappearing. Like my ACME Crimenet fountain pen. I had it just now and it's gone. I can't find it.
(a strange hand gives it back)
Greg: Uh, Chief, is this your, uh, fountain pen?
Chief: What? Greg, (Greg laughs) where did you find that?
Greg: I don't know. What else do you need?
Chief: My coffee mug.
Greg: Coffee, uh, mug. (receives it from the hand) Uh, is this it?
Chief: Yes. (Greg laughs) Where did you find--
Greg: Well, I don't know. Uh, what else do you-- Missing, Chief?
Chief: Uh, nothing. No. Um, my piggy bank.
(the hand gives it back)
Greg: Piggy bank. Ha!
Chief: A-ha! Uh-uh. My slot is on the top.
Greg: (throws away the piggy bank) Chief, I knew that.
Chief: Greg, what is going on here.
Greg: Honestly, Chief, I don't know, uh--
(the hand shows a magnifying glass)
Chief: What?
Greg: Oh.
Chief: What? What are you?
Greg: I think he's tryin' to give you a clue, Chief.
Chief: Clues? Oh, the detective... (the hand shows a Carmen hat) who puts Carmen Sandiego... (the hand shows jail bars) behind bars... (the hand shows a small model airplane and hands it to Greg) wins a free trip...
Greg: Can I keep this?
Chief: No. (the hand shows a map of North America) anywhere... in North America!
(applause and confetti falls on the two)
Greg: Oh, Chief, now that is great, huh? Uh-- (the hand motions for Greg to go away) Oh, look. Uh, I think tryin' to tell me somethin'. Scratch my back.
Chief: No, no, no, Greg. Go away. (Greg exits the office) Go away. (mouths "Go away." to the audience)
Greg: Hey guys, check it out. I got this cool little plane. (the hand knocks on the door and Greg opens it) Yeah? (hands the hand the plane) Wasn't that cool?
Carmen: Boys, the heat's on. Head for the cooling trade winds in a South Pacific Paradise called Pora Pora.
Double Trouble: Sounds real nice. But isn't it pronounced Bora Bora?
Carmen: Not in Tahitian. That language has no letter B. It's Pora Pora, which means first born.
Double Trouble: Well, what do we do for entertainment?
Carmen: Go to La Fete de Juillet. It's a 2-week celebration that happens every July. There's everything from canoe racing to ceremonial fire walks across burning coals.
Double Trouble: We've gotta find some hot dates there.
Rockapella: (sings the end of their song parody of The Beatles' "Money (That's What I Want)") Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...!!!
Greg: (closes the door) This is "rock ending", if you've noticed it.
Rockapella: (reopen the door) YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...! (Greg tries to keep the door shut while reading the next question)
Rockapella: (sings) The Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase!!!
Greg: (after he shoves Rockapella away before the Chase) Gotta maintain control.
(an image of the Missouri River is shown)
Chief: The Missouri River. Exactly the sort of place those bad boys might make their music. In the 20's, its shores were a haven for tough guys, gamblers, backsliders, cattle rustlers, meat mustlers, (shouts) cheaters, crooks, creeps, cretins...! (her phone rings and she picks up) HELLO?! No-- I am calm! (hangs up) (calmly) It's time to send those crooks up the river. Double Trouble and the Son Libre Recording studio are in Kansas City. Now, go get 'em, Gumshoes!

Where'd the Alamo Go? [2.18] [edit]

[Robocrook steals the Alamo]

Carmen: Robo, the gumshoes are after you. Head for a country just south of Chad.
Robo: Orders acknowledged. Will I encounter communication problems, due to numerous tribal languages?
Carmen: Not here. There're more than 80 different ethnic groups living together, but many speak a common language called Sango.
Robo: Ah, good. I've learned Sango in high school. Could you suggest a location for food?
Carmen: Of course. Try the restaurant in the city of Bangui. You'll find everything from cooked monkeys to warthogs.
Robo: Just a nice simple dish of axle grease would suffice.
Rockapella: (each time the Alamo is revealed)
Tex mex!
With Ice Cream!
Try to remember the--

Case of the Little Boy Lost [2.19] [edit]

[Grunge steals the Mannekin Pis statue from Belgium]

Grunge: Hey, Carmen, this statue's leavin' a trail!
Carmen: Head for Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming and hide the statue behind the famous geyser.
Grunge: What's a geyser?
Carmen: A hole in the earth that spits out water and steam. It's generated by red-hot magma beneath the earth's surface.
Grunge: I don't know, Carmen. Didn't they have a huge forest fire a few years back?
Carmen: Don't worry. If it happens again, the mountains can help put it out. And you'll love the geyser, Grunge. It smells like sulfur.
Grunge: What does sulfur smell like?
Carmen: Rotten eggs. Just like you.
Grunge: Carmen, that's the nicest thing you ever said to me. (sneezes)
Chief: This is Lynne Thigpen speaking for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? and remember: It's not a brag, it's not a bolt, we turn criminals into pulp.

Superscam [2.20] [edit]

[Wonder Rat steals Metropolis]

Wonder Rat: Nyah, I'm thinkin' of changin' the name of this town I stole. How does Ratopolis sound?
Carmen: How does jail sound? ACME's about to nab you. Head for Monrovia, the capital of a West African nation that's home to one of the world's largest fleets of privately owned ships.
Wonder Rat: Yeah, yeah, right. Ship owners all over the world register there, 'cause they charge low taxes and lenient regulations. Say, I could use a nice rat-cruise.
Carmen: Forget it. You've got to hide. Head into the rainforest and disguise yourself as a Pygmy Hippo. This is one of the few parts of Africa where they live.
Wonder Rat: Gee, I don't know Carmen. Wonder-Dwarf-Pygmy-Hippo-Rat? It just doesn't roll off the tongue.
Greg: Hmmm, no it doesn't.
Rockapella: (each time Metropolis is revealed in the 2nd round)
Superman Land!
Kryptonite!
Faster than a speeding bullet!
More powerful than a locomotive!
Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!
Dated Lois! In the movie!
LOOK! Up in the sky!

Chumps D'Elysees [2.21] [edit]

[Eartha Brute steals the Arc de Triomphe]

Chief: (After Eartha's profile) She's a cross trainer, a weight gainer, and a no brainer.
Eartha: Carmen, how long do I have to carry this Arc around?
Carmen: Quit whining. ACME's on your tail, Brute. I want you to hide the Arc behind the Barrier Reef off the caribbean coast of Central America. Then, head inland where the Howler Monkeys live.
Eartha: How do I find them?
Carmen: They sound like this. (makes monkey sounds) You can hear their cry almost a mile away.
Eartha: Hey, sounds like my brother.
Greg: For our next clue we turn to James Avery, an informant from ACME Shredder-Net. Watch.
James: Pssst. Gumshoes, Eartha's in a Chinese city, on the eastern bank of the Yangtze River. It's a site that's been inhabited for thousands of years. Twice this century, the city was capital of China, but not anymore. Now it's a bustling commercial center that's capital of Jiangsu Province. That's all I know. Good luck. Get outta here!
Greg: Thanks, James. Robert, do you recognize him? Cartoons? Shredder. Shredder everybody.
Rockapella: Prankster of Paris!

Baaaaad News in New Zealand [2.22] [edit]

[Vic the Slick steals all of New Zealand's sheep]

Chief: Yesterday, Vic the Slick, disguised as Little Bo Peep, rounded up 65,000,000 of the clothing hook curting and herded them away. Every last sheep from Wellington to Wakawa is gone, gone, gone.
(the Sheep are heard bleating in the background)
Vic: All this bleepin' bleatin' is givin' me a headache, Carmen.
Carmen: Take two aspirin and scram before ACME makes mutton out of you.
Rockapella: (sings when the Sheep are revealed in the second round) Little lost lambies!

Ta-Ta Kenyatta Cantata [2.24] [edit]

[Wonder Rat steals the Kenyatta Conference Center]

Greg: (to everyone in ACME Control Net, who are asleep, via noxious gas) C'mon, it's a big joke, right? HEY! Big jo--! (he then comes up with an idea) LUNCH!
(everyone wakes up and Greg laughs)
Greg: Hey, you guys! You guys! Hey! You guys! You guys! HEY!
(everyone stares at him)
Greg: I was jokin'!
(everyone angrily throws things at him as he exits)
Carmen: Head for a national park with one of the world's biggest volcanoes. Native Americans called it Tahoma.
Wonder Rat: Aw, a huge volcano? Gee, Carmen, I hope you're not trying to get rid of me!
Carmen: Relax. There hasn't been a major eruption for about 2,000 years. These days it's home to the largest single-peak glacial system in the U.S. outside of Alaska.
Wonder Rat: Tahoma, huh? I never heard of it.
Carmen: That's because it was renamed by a British explorer. He called it Mount Rainier.
Wonder Rat: Hey. If he can rename it, then I can rename it. How about Mount Ratnier? (giggles)
Greg: Hmmm...I don't think so!
Greg: (after Rockapella's parody of the Supremes' "Why Do Fools Fall in Love") Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen! Along with Lisa Price! Give 'em a round of applause!
Greg: (after Rockapella chases Lisa before the Chase) Lisa Price, with Rockapella.
Greg: Darwin Research Station. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Nothing!
Greg: No. Thank you. Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen.

WSK Gone [2.25] [edit]

[Wonder Rat steals the WSKG television station]

Mike Ziegler: Hey! When that rat stole the station, he stole me with it! He holds the station south, just across the Rio Grande. We're getting T.V. shows from a network called Televisa. It's huge! They've got 4 national channels, lots of original programming, and even some American T.V. shows dubbed with Spanish voices. I hope you get this tape, Gumshoes. Remember, (forms the ACME Triangle of Excellence with his hands) Vigilance, Dedication, Courage. Now, get me outta here!
Wonder Rat: Yeah! So, Carmen, this is great! I'll have my network goin' in no time.
Carmen: ACME's on to you. Head for the home of Chennai Cheetah Studios.
Wonder Rat: Yeah, Yeah. Where Federico Fellini directed his movies. He could do my life story. We'll call it La Dolce Vita Rat On. That means this sweet ratlife.
Carmen: I know what it means. Just lay low and stay away from the reconte vershoto.
Wonder Rat: Yeah, Yeah. I gotta watch my weight in these tight space. Maybe I could market a diet drink. Maybe?
Carmen: God o mina. Move!
Greg: And, uh, maybe not.
Rockapella: (each time WSKG is revealed in the 2nd round)
Cool totebag!
Viewers like you-ooo!
Won't you be my neighbor?!
Pledge Drive!

Wondering Where the Water Went [2.27] [edit]

[Vic the Slick steals the Los Angeles Aqueduct.]

Carmen: Vic, ACME's after you. Hide the river in a sea where you'll find the Greek Archipelago. It was home to Europe's first known great civilization.
Vic: Hey, Carmen, what makes 'em so great?
Carmen: The Minoan culture on Crete goes back about 5,000 years. At a time when most Europeans were still living in the Stone Age, the Minoans were master artists and builders who used a decimal number system and created a form of writing.
Vic: Eh, that's pretty good, but no culture is truly great without polyester.
Carmen: You're hopeless, Vic. Just get moving.
Barry: Ladies and gentlemen, Elliott has left the building.

Big Bank Bingo [2.31] [edit]

[Robocrook steals the Dai-ichi Kangyo Bank.]

Chief: Greg, come into my office.
Greg: Yes, ma'am. I'll be right there. Uh, you guys stay here. I'm gonna have to check that monitor. Be right back. (enters the office where it has been turned black and white) What's up, Chief?
Chief: Ah, Greg, does anything in this office seem strange to you?
Greg: (looks around the office) Uh, nope.
Chief: Use your deductive skills.
Greg: (sniffs) Oh, you got rid of that dead mouse. That dead mouse behind the wall.
Chief: No, Greg! This office has lost its color.
Greg: Well, Chief, did you pay the color bill?
Chief: What? Greg, there's no such thing as a bill for color.
Greg: (laughs) Yes, there is, Chief.
Chief: What?
Greg: It came in the mail last month.
Chief: But I never saw it.
Greg: Well, uh, (pulls the bill out of his jacket) it's because it's here. That's a color bill right there. (hands her the bill) See?
Chief: Well, it says here I have to send a check for 9 cents to the department of color and tending?
Greg: 9 cents? Chief, that's more than I make in a week.
Chief: Well, listen, Greg. If the gumshoes find out we can't pay our bills, we're going to get discouraged. Now, what do you think we should do to keep their mural up, so they'll stay on the trail of Carmen?
Greg: Well, Chief, I'll tell you this. We could make a deal. The gumshoe that captures Carmen Sandiego will get a trip to anywhere in North America.
(applause)
Chief: (gasps) An excellent idea.
Greg: Thanks, Chief. Oh, and wait. I think I still may have some, uh, color from the last animated clue. Take a look at this. (pulls the color out of his jacket and throws it, turning the office back to color)
Chief: (gasps) Oh!
Greg: Huh?
Chief: Much better. Thank you.
Greg: Well, you're welcome. Now, Chief, I wanna remind ya. Be sure and pay the anti-helium bill.
Chief: What?
Greg: It's due today.
Chief: What anti-helium bill?
Greg: Chief, the anti-helium bill that was due today. Oh, never mind. You probably already payed it anyway.
Chief: Greg, there's no such thing as an anti-helium bill.
Greg: (pulls the bill out of his jacket and hands it to her) You see it? Right here.
Chief: Greg, go away.
Greg: Yes, ma'am. (exits the office) You know, that reminds me, I've got to remember to pay that anti-16 ton weight bill. It's due tomorrow.
(as he leaves for the Phone Tap, a 16-ton weight falls to the ground)
Carmen: Robo, get on the Trans-Canada Highway and head for the Yellow brick road.
Robo: This is no time for The Wizard of Oz. I need directions.
Carmen: These are directions. The Yellow brick road leads to a huge Gold Mine discovered in the 1980's. In fact, this province is the second biggest gold producing region in the western hemisphere, and it produces more industrial goods than the rest of Canada can buy.

Beach Blanket Bye-Bye [2.37] [edit]

[Patty Larceny steals Ipanema Beach.]

Carmen: Patty, they're after you. Head for one of the states where Yellowstone National Park is found. Hide out in the Silent City of Rocks.
Patty: Gee, Carmen, it sounds kind of spooky.
Carmen: Don't worry. It's just a Graffiti formation. Pioneers in the 1800s thought the rocks looked like a city. You can still see their names written on the Graffiti, and legend says a bandit is $90,000 in stolen gold nearby.
Patty: Wow! A bandit! I feel right at home. Has anyone ever found the gold?
Carmen: Not yet. Bring a metal detector.

The Perilous Penguin Pilferage [2.39] [edit]

[Robocrook steals a pack of penguins from Antarctica.]

Robocrook: Without Carmen to guide me, I am like a screw without a driver. You'll find her in the U.S.A.

Topkapi Turban Topper [2.42] [edit]

[Vic the Slick steals Suleiman the Magnificent's Topkapi Turban from Istanbul, Turkey]

Carmen: Vic, they're on to you. Head north of the Arctic Circle to Auyuittuq National Park. It's in a Canadian district.
Vic: G-G-Geez, Carmen, sounds a little c-c-cold.
Carmen: A little cold? Auyuittuq is an Inuit word that means "the land that never melts". The ground freezes at 1,000 feet down. I hear there are no trees at all.
Vic: Sounds like I'll have the joint to myself.
Carmen: Nope. It's home to the Inuit and Dene people. It was named for an Englishman who got lost there, looking for a passage from the Atlantic to the Pacific.
Vic: Lost, huh? Eh, couldn't I just go to Baltimore?
Carmen: Sorry, bub. Get out your polyester earmuffs.

The Nefarious Nobel Napper [2.45] [edit]

[Vic the Slick steals the Nobel Peace Prizes from Stockholm, Sweden]

Vic: Carmen, babe, these prize medals look great on me. Real class.
Carmen: Vic, you wouldn't know real class if it hit you in the face with a gym sock. Now, listen. Go to a money museum in a federal reserve bank.
Vic: Hey, sounds great.
Carmen: It has all kinds of cash on display. Like some of the first coins ever minted, and a block of tea that was once used as currency. It's in a former capital of the Confederate States of America, and hide those medals, or ACME will be on you like that cheap suit.
Vic: Hey, I pay top dollar for this suit.
(Vic tells Josh to go to Europe; Josh is surprised to hear it)
Josh: No way!
Greg: You're kidding! What'd-- What did he say?!
Josh: We're goin' to Europe!
Greg: Chief! We're goin' to Europe!

In the Rat Bird Seat [2.49] [edit]

[Wonder Rat steals the Stone Bird from Zimbabwe]

Carmen: ACME's closing in on you. Bag the bird, then head for the capital of a southern state. It's where the civil rights movement got underway back in 1955. That's when Rosa Parks, an African American refused to give up her seat on a bus to a white man.
Wonder Rat: Yeah. Yeah, I know the place. Uh, listen. Can I head for that lunch joint with a huge buffet of local homemade food?
Carmen: You mean the Farmers Market Cafeteria.
Wonder Rat: Yeah. I'm thinkin' the customers might wanna see my rat-o-mania road show.
Carmen: The customers might want to see you in jail, rat-face. Keep your tail out of sight.

Mountainous Mayhem [2.50] [edit]

[Kneemoi steals Mt. Everest]

Chief: (after Kneemoi's profile) She's an extra sneaky, extra crafty, extra extraterrestrial.
Greg: Okay, Gumshoes. For our next clue, we turn to ACME Celeb Net agent LeVar Burton. LeVar, what's the latest?
LeVar: Greg, I've tracked some tricky aliens around the galaxy, but no one as slippery as Kneemoi. She has stashed Mt. Everest in a trench. Not a land trench. This one's on the ocean. Located in the North Pacific, it forms one of the deepest parts of any ocean on earth. It's about 7 miles down, so if Kneemoi put Everest on the bottom, its peak would be about a mile and a half below the water's surface. Wow, that's what I call being in over your head. Go get 'em.
Greg: 'Kay, thanks a lot, LeVar.
Carmen: Head for a town on the California coast. It was a setting for John Steinbeck's great novel Cannery Row.
Kneemoi: Canary Row? He wrote about little birds in cages?
Carmen: Not canaries. Canneries! Factories where they put fish into cans. Steinbeck wrote about the poor homeless men who worked in them, but the place has changed a lot. The canneries are gone and some of the most expensive real estate on earth is nearby.
Kneemoi: Oh. Just one more question.
Carmen: What?
Kneemoi: How did the fish breathe inside those little cans?
(Carmen sighs)

Tomfoolery in Thailand [2.55] [edit]

[Patty Larceny steals the Thailand Sister Statue.]

Patty: I just adore these sisters. They're pretty, but they're dangerous. Just like me!
Carmen: But always remember, dear, they are good guys, and you're a bad guy. Now, listen. Sail off the Río de la Plata to the capital of Uruguay. Hide the Heroines behind the Gaucho statue. It's a bronze monument to these hard riding horsemen.
Patty: I know what Gauchos are. They're cowboys.
Carmen: That's right, Patty, dear. Now, quit showing off and shove off.
Rockapella: Sassy Sisters!

She Took the Notes Right Out of My Mouth [2.56] [edit]

[Kneemoi steals the boys Choir's voices from Vienna, Austria.]

Chief: (on the monitor with static) Greg, my office now.
Greg: Yes, ma'am. There's some snow on here. Gonna have to get that monitor looked at. Be right back. (enters the Chief's office where it is snowing and the Chief is wearing a hat, mittens, and a scarf) Chief, what's goin' on in here? It's snowing!
Chief: I know it's snowing in here. (Greg laughs) A freak storm has settled in on my office.
Greg: Chief, this is amazing. This is great.
Chief: Yes. Greg, I want you to do something for me.
Greg: Yes. Yes. Oh--
Chief: You know what it is?
Greg: Yes, of course. I'll go get my mittens. I'll come back here. We'll make a little snowman. I got a carrot in my office.
Chief: No, no. Greg.
Greg: Wait a minute! Better, Chief. I'll get a toboggan. We'll use this desk. I'll get a little snow ramp thing.
Chief: Greg!
Greg: Better. Better. Better idea, Chief. We'll go out into the interstate. We'll make one of those snow barricade with just a little hole, and the cars will come through, and we'll charge 'em tolls. I have not--
Chief: Greg! Greg! There will be no snowmen! There will be no tobogganing! There will be no snow tolls! Now, I want you to go out and tell the Gumshoes that the one that captures Carmen Sandiego today will win a free trip anywhere in North America! (applause) You got that?
Greg: Yeah, Chief, we could do that. We always do that. But it's a shame to let all this nifty snow go to waste! Chief, you wanna make snow angels, Chief!?
Chief: No! Greg, go away.
Greg: (furiously) All right, Chief! (exits the office)
Chief: And don't slam the...! (Greg slams the door and more snow falls onto the Chief and her desk) ...door.
Greg: I wonder why it's snowing in there and yet in here, it's sunny. That's so-- (a sun appears) Oh, it's Mr. Sunshine. (laughs)
Kneemoi: Carmen, I-- (church music is heard playing in the background) Hey! Hey, pipe down! Carmen, I can't get these voices to pipe down!
Carmen: Here, let me talk to them. Pipe down! (silence) There. Now, I want you to go undercover down under, to the capital of Australia.
Kneemoi: Australia? Who's that?
Carmen: Not who. Where. The capital is a completely planned city on the Molonglo River.
Kneemoi: On the river? How do they keep it from sinking?
Carmen: No! No! No! That's just a geographical expression. It means built beside river.
Kneemoi: (to herself) I'll never understand humans. Never!
Greg: Shebra, we're gonna start with you. You have 50 crime bucks. How much did you risk? (Shebra puts the 50 card in front of her) You risked 50. Everything. What'd ya say?
Shebra: Rio De Janeiro.
Greg: Is not the answer we're lookin' for. Sorry. You go down to 0.
Rockapella: (each time the Voices are revealed in the 2nd round)
Help us!
Where's my Mommy?!
Copped Choir!
De nois boys!
Swiped singers!
Go, Rachel!
Go, Jeanne!

The Great Train Slobbery [2.57] [edit]

[Grunge steals the Trans-Siberian Railroad]

(the Chief comes out of hiding from behind 2 jumbo-sized Rubik's Cubes)
Chief: Oh. Uh, yes. Yes. Uh, hi, there. These puzzles were named after architect Ernő Rubik. He originally used them as a teaching aid for his students in 3-dimensional design. (picks up an average-sized Rubik's Cube) Now, Top Grunge mailed this one to me from Rubik's hometown, Budapest. And I... I just can't seem to... (fumbles in trying to solve it) Get... Oh! Dagnabbit!
Greg: Chief, don't get upset. Lemme try to show you.
Chief: (snickers) Okay. But you will never solve it.
(she hands Greg the Rubik's Cube, and he tries solving it while the Chief finishes)
Chief: Anyway, the rail system in Rubik's country is called Gyorjvinaht. Now, Grunge was last seen barreling down the Gyorjvinaht tracks with his stolen Trans-Siberian train.
Greg: (shows the Chief his finished puzzle) There ya go, Chief. I got it. See? Take a look.
Chief: (surprised) How did you do...
Greg: Well, you have to relax your mind. Free yourself of any outside problems.
Chief: Greg! Give that to me.
(Greg hands the Chief the cube)
Chief: Quit playing with toys! Get back to work. There's a smelly crook on the loose!
Greg: Yes, ma'am. Thanks very much.
(knocking is heard at the door)
Greg: Not really expecting anybody. Let me find out who's here. (opens the door to reveal Scott, the Dying Informant, who screams in agony) OH! Dying Informant! Gimme some time, will ya? I'm a little behind. Just hold on one second. Hey, Josh, can you throw me a pillow real quick? Please? (catches a pillow thrown at him) Thanks. (sets it on the floor) Okay! (Scott screams as he passes out at the door and Greg runs over to him) Okay, what happened, buddy? What's the matter? Tell me what happened.
Scott: I was chasing Grunge! I got caught in the crossfires of the internal fighting in Kinshasaaaaaaa!!! (passes out)
Greg: Oh, no! So you were shot?!
Scott: No, I was fine. But then there was a herd of charging hippos along the banks of the Zaire River! (gags and passes out)
Greg: You mean you were trampled, then?
Scott: No, I got away. But then Grunge tossed me into the Nyiragongo volcano. It's still active. Ooh! Hot! Hot-hot-hot! Hot... hot... (passes out)
Greg: Oh, so you were burned!
Scott: No, I wore my asbestos skivvies.
Greg: Nice thinking. So, what's the matter then?
Scott: When I knocked on your door... I got... (raises his right index finger) a splinter! (passes out)
Greg: You know, the next time Norm Abram comes by, I'm gonna have him take a look at that. Thanks a lot, guy. Listen. We got a case to go. (pushes him back into the alley) Good luck. Thanks a lot. (closes the door)
Greg: Hello?
Norm Abram: Greg, it's Norm Abram. Without an S.
Greg: Uh, Norm, I'm sorry. We thought it had the S. We'll take it off.
Norm: Listen. You have to catch Carmen Sandiego. She ran off with my plunge router guide. How am I supposed to build that scale model of the Taj Mahal out of cherrywood without my plunge router guide? You've gotta do something, Greg.
Greg: Well, now, Norm, far be it from me to give you advice, but I would use a brace and a bit.
Norm: Thanks, Greg. Bye.
(Greg hangs up)

The Case of the Filched Freedom Fighter [2.58] [edit]

[Robocrook steals the Freedom Fighter Jet]

Greg: Chief, what's with the fruit here?
Chief: Greg, is this one of your practical jokes?
Greg: No, Chief! No way! You made me promise, no more practical jokes after that disaster with the hair dryer and the 9 ferrets.
Chief: Ooh! Then it must be Carmen Sandiego who's behind this! (laughs like a maniac) Well! If this is the way she wants it, I'm going to fight fire with fire!
Greg: Or melons with melons!
Carmen: Robo, those ACME agents are closing in. Head for an African capital located on a large river called the Zaire.
Robo: Affirmative. It's in a country that's also called Zaire. Was the river named after the country?
Carmen: No, it's the other way around. Zaire is the Portuguese version of a Kikongo word that means large river.
Robo: So, the country called Large River is on a large river that's called Large River? That is very logical. What is the meaning of Kikongo?
Carmen: It's one of the national languages spoken in Zaire, but the official language is French because it was once a Belgian colony.
Robo: Orders received. I'm on my way.
Rockapella: (each time the Freedom Fighter Jet is revealed in the 2nd round)
Filched Fighter!
$10 headsets!
Off we go into the wild blue yonder! ("The U.S. Air Force")
Leavin' on a Jet Plane! (John Denver song)
Be all that you can be! (Army jingle)
(Robo is revealed, to Greg's surprise)
Greg: WHOA!!! WHOA!!! Oh, my goodness!
Rockapella: (singing) Robocrook! YOU'VE WON!! (sings their fanfare)
(Ricky goes to the chain, when the confetti is ready to fall)
Greg: (races to Ricky, pushing him back to his podium) Wait! Wait! (laughs) Go back and... some of this! (Ricky finishes getting confetti) There you go. Now come over here. (he and Ricky walk up to the chain)
Chief: This is Lynne Thigpen speaking for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? and remember: We're on the case like fleas on Lassie, with better ratings than Degrassi.

I Lost Lucy [2.59] [edit]

[Grunge steals the skeleton known as Lucy]

(Rockapella parodies the "I Love Lucy" theme song)
Barry: Tres! Cuatro!
Scott: Grunge loves Lucy, and there they went.
Dinosaur National Monument.
That's where the creep took the skelly-ton.
He's such a VILE, nasty smelly-ton.
He wants to take her to ski at Vale.
Toss that big, wheezing crook in jail.
Check Pueblo out for the Grunge path!
And please...
Oh, won't you please?
Oh, won't you give...
Sean: Oh, won't you please give ol' Lucy a great, big, beautiful sponge...
All: BATH!!!
Greg: Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen, if you will, please!
Greg: Hello?
Dennis Miller: Hello. Greg, Dennis Miller. Look, I've got a little message for you and your puttyboots, pal.
Greg: They're Gumshoes.
Dennis: I don't care if their horseshoes, cha-cha. Okay? Listen. There's a pan-global kleptomaniac in a slouch hat running around out there, and it's time you did something about it. I know trilobytes who are closer to... catching Carmen Sandiego than you. You're lurals are creasing, Greggo. It's time to stop resting on them, pal. (hangs up)
Greg: Nice guy. Dennis Miller, my good buddy. (hangs up the phone)

Stoneheist [2.60] [edit]

[Robocrook steals Stonehenge]

Chief: (on phone) Greg, please come into my office.
Greg: Yes, ma'mm. I'll be right there. (her phone starts ringing) You guys stay here. I'm gonna-- I'm gonna check with her. I gotta catch the phone. (enters the office where he discovers that she is missing) Yeah, Chief? Chief! Well, the Chief isn't here, but I better answer this phone. (clears throat and picks it up) ACME Crime Net!
Chief: This is your Chief.
Greg: Oh, hi, Chief! Where are ya now?
Chief: I am unavailable, due to classified business. I have left these taped voicemail instructions. Please dial 1 to continue.
Greg: Voicemail! I love voicemail. All right. (he dials 1, then looks at the Chief's papers) What's this?
Chief: Please do not touch my papers! Listen up!
Greg: (puts down the Chief's papers) Yeah.
Chief: 1st question: How close are you to catching Carmen Sandiego?
Dial 1 for: We got her,
2 for: We're extremely close,
or 3 for: As usual, she's evaded us 3 times, and we look like dopes.
Greg: Oh, I guess that would be 3. (he dials 3)
Chief: Well, I'm not surprised. 2nd question: How should we encourage the Gumshoes to work harder?
Dial 1 for: Threaten to fire them,
2 for: Poke them with sticks,
or 3 for: Offer the one who catches her a free trip anywhere in North America.
(applause)
Greg: Hmm... Ah! That's a tough choice. I'm gonna go with 3. (he dials 3 again)
Chief: Thank you. Inform the Gumshoes. 3rd question: How should I terminate our discussion?
Dial 1 for: Tell you you're a great guy,
2 for: Offer you a raise and a big office,
or 3 for: Set you up with my gorgeous cousin, Gladys.
Greg: Ooh! Uh, I'm gonna go, uh, 3-amundo! (he dials 3 again)
Chief: I thought you'd choose that one. Greg, go away. (disappointed, Greg hangs up)
Greg: You know, I don't need her. I'll dial Information. I'll get Gladys' number myself. That's no problem. (he dials Information and picks up the receiver)
Nasally Voice: (on phone) Hello. Information.
Greg: Uh, yeah. Calling for Gladys.
Voice: Gladys Who?
Greg: The Chief's gorgeous cousin.
Voice: Who's calling?
Greg: This is Greg.
Voice: Greg?
Greg: Yeah?
Voice: Go away. (the phone clicks, and Greg hangs up and exits the office)

Cur Cribs Curves [2.61] [edit]

[Vic the Slick steals Lombard Street]

NOTE: This episode contains two Gregs. Greg Lee, the host, and Greg Spatz, the Gumshoe. The lines will be revealed as "Greg" for Greg Lee, and "Greg S." for Greg Spatz.
Greg: (hears pounding coming from the alley) Wait a minute, something's goin' on in here. Let's, uh, go find out what it is. I'm not sure exactly. (enters the alley) Hey!
Scott: What?!
Greg: HEY!!
Scott: WHAT?!!
Greg: WHAT'S THE WORD ON THE STREET!?!?!
Scott: (stops pounding) Hey, man, you don't hafta yell. Greg, the Word on the Street is "industria". That means "industry" in Spanish. Now, industry's growin' really fast in Mexico, and Vic's in a city where about a quarter of all of Mexico's factories are located and they get their power through big natural gas pipeline that runs into the city from nearby Texas. (he and the rest of Rockapella resume pounding)
Greg: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Scott: What?!
Greg: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Scott: WHAT?!
Greg: I just, uh-- I just wanted to say thank you,... because courtesy still counts around here, Mister.
Greg: How do you feel, Greg?
Greg S.: I feel GOOD!
Greg: Yes, sir! Oh, yes!

Perfidious Party Poach [2.62] [edit]

[Double Trouble steal Trinidad and Tobago's Carnival.]

Double Trouble: Dance all night and eat all day. Say no more, we're on our way!
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Zip that infernal chatter!
Greg: Mrs. Pumpkinclanger obviously has a bee in her bonnet. Gotta go talk to her again. Sorry, are we buggin' you again, Ms. P?
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Again?! Try "constantly"! Those terrible twins are in a festival for the birthday of the monkey god. On a small island of the tip of the Melee Peninsula. It's quite a scene. Chinese mystics who claim to be possessed by the monkey god filling good trans and pills there tongues and teeth would spill. It's all good clean fun and everyone enjoys themselves. Now, go apprehend that dreadful duo, and leave me in peace! Please!
Greg: Okay. Often wonder what Mr. Pumpkinclanger's life must be like. Haven't you?

Swiping the Supremes [2.63] [edit]

[Patty Larceny steals the Supreme Court of the United States.]

Greg: It's now time for our second clue. So, listen very closely. This one comes in now-- We turn to a gal who is presently choreographing Madonna's next world tour. Nana Rap, whatcha got for us?
Nana Rap: Word to the gumshoes, Gregmeister. Let's rock the house! (rock music plays)
Alex Haley was the man, listen to what I say.
Trace an ancestor here named Corsican face.
Check out a map. A nation side a nation.
'Cause with Senegal, it forms a confederation.
They got beautiful beaches. Tourists soak up the rays.
And if you like wrestling, it's a national craze.
So, west African coast is where you'll pick up the trail.
Now, go bust Patty. Lock her up in jail!
You got the Nana! Nana-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Nana-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Nana. Ooh...
Greg: Nana Rap, ladies and gentlemen!
Carmen: Convene that court and move out fast. Head for a country where King Hammurabi once ruled.
Patty: Sure, Carmen. That was part of ancient Mesopotamia. It's where they created writing, and the wheel, and the 60-minute hour, and...
Carmen: And unfortunately for us, Patty, they created one of the first systems of law. Its main principle was the strong shall not injure the weak. Hah! Can you imagine?
Patty: Gee, Carmen, how did you ever learn so much about the law?
Carmen: I make it a point to know my enemy.
Scott (sings to the tune of The Supremes' "Stop! In the Name of Love" as the Supreme Court is revealed in the 2nd round): Stop! In the name of law!

The Waltz Whammy [2.64] [edit]

[Kneemoi steals the Waltzing Matilda.]

Carmen: ACME's closing in on you. Hide in the mountains of Morocco, south and east of Marrakech. If you want to blend in with the Berber women who live there, paint yourself with henna.
Kneemoi: What's henna, Carmen?
Carmen: A red dye made from the leaves of the henna plant. The Berber women use it to draw intricate patterns on their hands and feet.
Kneemoi: Which ones are my hands and which are my feet?
Carmen: Why do I bother? On second thought, just turn invisible.
Greg: (sees the picture going blurry) Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, HEY! What's goin' on here?! Exc--!
Dana: Greg, Greg, don't worry. We're just making some adjustments. You just keep workin' out there.
Greg: Come on, man!! I can't put up with this. You guys, I'm sorry. I'm gonna go upstairs and check on this. (sets off for ACME Control Net) You know, I usually try to keep a pretty good attitude around here. I'm sorry! I try to keep a good attitude, but this time, they're tickin' off the ol' Gregger!
Greg: Okay, it looks like everybody's made a decision. We have a tie game goin' on here. Kamala has 80, Jimill has 80, Felicia has 80, okay. So, here is the question and our final clue. Listen carefully. We have our next clue now comin' to us from field agent Maury Povich of Acme Mr. Connie Chung-Net. Watch.
Maury: Here's the news, gumshoes. Kneemoi whisked the Waltz to the city of Wheeling. Then, she went whitewater rafting on the New River. But the New River isn't really new. It's actually the oldest river in North America. At least that's what some geologists say. How do they know? Don't ask me. I'm not a geologist. I'm a talk show host. Good luck.
Greg: Okay, thanks a lot, Maury.
Jamill: Pearl S. Buck Home.
Greg: Pearl S. Buck Home.
(the Loot is revealed)
Rockapella: Filched folk tune!
Greg: (laughs) Go ahead, Jamill.
Jamill: New Vrindaban.
Greg: Ah, yes. New Vrindaban.
(Kneemoi is revealed)
Rockapella: Kneemoi!
Greg: Nice job. Now, you've found the loot. You also found Kneemoi, but remember you have to go in the right order. Loot, warrant, crook. So, Jamill, use some strategy. Be careful here.
Jamill: Uh,... State Capitol.
Greg: State Capitol.
(the Warrant is revealed)
Rockapella: The Warrant!
Greg: Okay, tough break. You got those out of order. We're gonna turn 'em back around. Felicia, your turn. Go ahead.
Felicia: Pearl S. Buck Home.
Greg: Pearl S. Buck Home.
(the Waltzing Matilda is revealed again)
Rockapella: Greg's favorite song!
Greg: (laughs) Go ahead, Felicia.
Felicia: State Capitol.
Greg: What is it?
Felicia: State Capitol.
Greg: State Capitol.
(the Warrant is revealed)
Rockapella: The Warrant!
Greg: You need one more.
Felicia: And New Vrindaban.
Greg: New Vrindaban.
(Kneemoi is revealed)
Rockapella: Kneemoi! YOU'VE WON! (performs fanfare, but stops quickly when Felicia starts going to the chain when the confetti is ready to fall)
Greg: Oh, yeah! And she's gone! The confetti! The confetti! Quick! Get under the confetti! Quick! Quick! (Felicia does) Okay, now come over here. All right! (Felicia starts pulling on the chain immediately when she arrives at it) Oh, and she's pulling! And it's in jail already! Pull it again! (foghorn sounds) All right, very good. That's good. (Rockapella does Kneemoi's in jail tune)
Greg: Congratulations! We have a happy person here! We have a happy person! (both he and Felica are bouncing up and down)
Greg: (after Felicia gets nothing in the map) Oh, tough break! That is a tough map. Give her a nice round of applause, you guys. (groans)

Gotta Get a Yeti [2.65] [edit]

[Wonder Rat steals the Yeti.]

NOTE: Tahare Campbell was eliminated from that episode, but only due to a geographical error, he returned in the Season 3 episode The Glacier Erasure
Carmen: Rat, that Yeti is drawing too much attention. Head for the Atlantic Coast of the United States. Hide out in Grover's Mill, a small town east of Princeton.
Wonder Rat: Aw, don't send me to the states, Carmen.
Carmen: You'll like it. The place is famous for a big media hoax. It happened on Halloween Eve in 1938. People were listening to their radios when they heard a report that space creatures were invading near Grover's Mill.
Wonder Rat: Gee, I didn't know Kneemoi hung out in the Garden State.
Carmen: It wasn't Kneemoi. It was a radio drama, but lots of people thought it was true and panicked.
Wonder Rat: Geez, if I could get that kind of attention, just think. Newspapers, magazines, CNN--
Carmen: FBI, criminal court, jail.
Wonder Rat: Yeah. Yeah. I'll stay outta sight.
Greg: Tahare, we're gonna start with you. You have 75 crime bucks. How much did you risk?
Tahare: (reveals his wager) I risked 50.
Greg: 50 crime bucks. What'd ya say?
Tahare: (reveals his answer) I said the Aegean Sea.
Greg: Sorry. It is not the Aegean Sea.
Rockapella: (sings to the tune of "Puff the Magic Dragon") Puff the Magic Yeti!
Chief: The is Lynne Thigpen speaking for "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego" and remember, stealing never grants your wishes. You end up washing jailhouse dishes. (Due to a factual error in this game, Tahare Campbell has been invited to play a new game in our next season.)

Season 3 [edit]

Funding Spiels [edit]

Opening [edit]
Lynne: Today's caper is bankrolled by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and by Viewers Like You.
Closing [edit]
Lynne: This program was presented by WQED Pittsburg and WGBH Boston. And as always, gumshoes, Carmen's gang is bankrolled by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, and by Viewers Like You. Corporate bucks provided by Toyota.

Carmen's Final Location [edit]

Grunge: This jail cell is awful! No matter where I stand, I'm never more than 12 feet away from the soap. (coughs) And it's all Carmen's fault! Go get her in (Continent). (coughs)
Robo: RoboCrook Unit-059 calling. According to my default program, when imprisoned for more than 11 seconds, I automatically rat on my owner. Look for Carmen in (Continent).
Patty: I used to be a sweet innocent schoolgirl. Now I'm a sweet guilty schoolgirl and it's all Carmen's fault! Go look for her in (Continent).
Vic: Darn that Carmen! I've gone from Salesman of the Century to starchin' socks in the prison laundry. I'm climbin' down the ladder of success. Look for Carmen in (Continent).
Eartha: Uh-oh. If Carmen finds out I'm in jail again, I'll get fired for sure. Do me a favor and don't mention that you caught me when you're chasing her through (Continent).
Sarah: Aw, man! This prison is heinous! The guards keep playing Michael Bolton tapes. Get Carmen in here! She'll make 'em stop! She scooted to (Contient).
Wonder Rat: All right! Now I can sell my prison memoirs and make a zillion! Get Carmen in here so she can make me a publishin' deal. She's hidin' out in (Continent)
Kneemoi: Oh, another planet, another prison cell. Maybe I could spend my sentence getting to know Carmen better. Look for her in (Continent).
Double Trouble: That Carmen's a party pooper. We've been in jail for 17 seconds already, and she hasn't even visited yet! Look for her in (Continent).

Bathing Booty [3.1] [edit]

[Grunge steals the Szechenyi Medicinal Bath from Budapest, Hungary]

Rockapella: (sings to the tune of the Contessa's jingle) The Clue-Fish!
Greg: Excuse me, Chief. I don't mean to bother you, but, uh, (pulls out a gift) well, I have a little somethin' for ya.
Chief: Oh, you remembered. How sweet.
Greg: Well, you know, Chief, it's a little hard, you know to forget the first time I ever met you. I mean...
(he thinks back meeting the Chief for the first time, dressed as a punk)
Greg: (in a fake British punk accent) Right! This ACME Crime Net?
Chief: Yes.
Greg: I got a package for you. It's a new "Best of the Bee Gees" album. Right!
Chief: Oh, fabulous.
Greg: I hate the Bee Gees. Right!
Chief: Oh, well, what kind of music do you like?
Greg: Right, I got me own punk band, right? With 4 other guys. And we play loud music and sometimes, we would take a box of 64 crayons and crush 'em for no reason! Right?! That's the kinda music I love!
Chief: And you make a living doing this?
Greg: No! Why do you think I'm deliverin' packages?
Chief: Oh! I need somebody to help me fight crime. You want the job?
Greg: All right. What I gonna do?
Chief: (hands Greg a piece of paper) Oh, well, first of all, all you have to do is read this to the gumshoes at home.
Greg: Right! Everyday, we'll watch--
Chief: No, no. Softer, softer. (does the contest rules along with Greg, who finishes it and congratulates the winners) Oh, now, that was a very, very nice! You've got the job. And one more thing. Could you lose the fake accent? You do it so badly.
Greg: (normal voice) Oh, okay. No problem. I was wondering-- Is it possible that you can a job for the other 4 guys in my band?
Chief: Oh, no, I don't think so. I don't like punk music.
Greg: Oh, but listen. They sing pretty good a capella.
Chief: Oh! Oh, all right. (hands Greg a hat and jacket and shakes hands with him) Well, then, bring them by!
Greg: Thanks a lot!
(flashback ends)
Greg: Oh, boy, that brings back a lotta memories, huh?
Chief: Well, are you glad you came to work with me?
Greg: Oh, Chief, I wouldn't have missed it for the world!
Both: (imitate heavy metal rock stars) RIGHT!! GO AWAY!!
(Greg leaves the office)
Greg: You know, I am so much more mature now than I was... back... then. (pulls out gum and sticks it on the camera)
Rockapella: The Amazing Disgusting Glob!
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to The Ozarks)
Greg: Hey, if I'd known we were takin' the amphibious cars, I had brought my waterskis.
Chief: That's why I didn't tell you, Greg.

Robot Robotnapper [3.2] [edit]

[Robocrook steals the Pizzabot from Los Angeles, California]

Rockapella: ACME Radio Net! More hits, moooooooooooore MUSIC!
Chief: Greg, my office right away.
Greg: Yeah, Chief. I'll be right there. You guys, if you'll excuse me just a moment. She really can't do anything without me. (enters the office) Hey, Chief, what-- Wait a minute, you look different. No, you do. You look-- You look spiffier or somethin'.
Chief: Oh, well, I just had my earrings polished. Thank you, Greg for noticing.
Greg: That's it! Boy, you really look good! I'm not kiddin' ya.
Chief: Oh, I'm glad you think so.
Greg: Listen. Would you mind-- Just let me go-- I gotta show this to the gumshoes. Just let me bring--
Chief: No, No, No, No. Greg, we don't have time. We barely have enough time to tell the home viewers about the contest.
Greg: Yeah, that's right. I forgot about that. (Greg does the contest rules along with the Chief)
Greg: Yeah, good for that, huh?
Chief: Yeah.
Greg: Yeah. You know, by gosh, Chief, really. I mean, you look so good. Just let me go get 'em! And I'll bring 'em back. It won't take that long.
Chief: No, no, no, no, no. Greg! I can't have all three of them just trooping through the office. What do you think this is? Grand Central Station!?
Greg: Well, no. I-- (a giant clock descends from the ceiling, commuters walk through the office and a man is heard speaking over a p.a.) Look at that. Really. (laughs) (to a commuter) Oh, man, sure. (laughs) You know, Chief, it's funny, but, uh, I haven't really noticed this before. Thank you. I haven't noticed this before, but, you know, it really is like Grand Central Station.
Chief: What?!
Greg: I'm sure she's talkin' about now, because, uh--
Chief: (to the commuters) Everybody,...! GO AWAY! (everyone exits the office, and so does Greg, but one is still sitting on her desk) Go! You too! Paper! Go! Go!
Conductor: Tickets! (the Chief looks in her wallet for a ticket, but does not find one and the conductor leaves)
Greg: Okay-- (a train whistle blows and more commuters run into the office) Whoa! Hey! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Hold it. Wait a second. Just a second.
Commuter: Hold it, Greg!
Greg: Okay.
Commuter: Hold it, Greg!
Greg: (sighs and closes the door) I tell ya, we do for a couple extra bucks around here, huh?
Carmen: Robo, take the robot to a city on the Mediterranean coast in a region claimed by two different countries. It's one of the world's oldest cities.
Robo: I know the place, but don't recall signs of ancient civilization.
Carmen: That's because it's been destroyed in war repeatedly over the years, but archeologists studied there have found plenty.
Robo: Please elaborate.
Carmen: They unearthed an ancient cavehouse that may dig back 6,000 years.
Robo: Wow. They were making androids out of mud back then.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to The Azores)
Greg: Wow! How can we afford this cool monorail, Chief?
Chief: 3 words, Greg: "Viewers like you."
Rockapella: (each time Pizzabot is revealed in the 2nd round)
Pizzabot heck!
Pizzabot Greg!
Pizzabot wow!
Pizzabot oy!
Pizzabot!
Rockapella: (when Robo is revealed) Robocrook! BINGO!!

Little Dog Gone [3.3] [edit]

[Patty Larceny steals Bobby the Dog.]

Chief: And this is Patty Larceny, Carmen's sneaky sophomore snitcher.
Rockapella: (singing) P-P-P-Patty
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Edinburgh, Scotland. Bobby the Dog belonged to a shepherd named John Grey. On market day, Grey and Bobby always stopped for lunch at a tavern across the street from Greyfriars Church. When Grey died in 1858 and was buried in the churchyard, the dog refused to leave his master's grave. For 14 years, Bobby left only once daily to eat at the tavern. When Bobby finally went to doggy heaven, friends built a statue of him near the churchyard. And, it stood there until today when Patty, armed with a heavy duty leash, tempted the terrier with a savory smelling dog biscuit. First, he resisted her advancement, but then she collared him and walked him away. Gumshoes, you've got to find out where that...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...LITTLE DOG GONE!
Patty: Carmen, this bronze dog is awfully heavy and he doesn't even know any tricks.
Carmen: Don't whine, Patty dear. The Gumshoes have sniffed you out. Go to an island nation east of Mozambique.
Patty: Hey, I'll stash the loot there.
Carmen: You won't be the first. Pirates use this island as a base in the 17th and 18th centuries. It's also famous for its chameleons-- lizards who can change color.
Patty: If I were a chameleon, I'd go for a nice floral print.
Carmen: Your color's going to be jail cell gray if you don't get moving. Now, scoot.
(as the Chief, Greg and the gumshoes travel to Denver, Colorado)
Chief: Oh, this guy is such a good driver.
Greg: He knows how to stay on a straight line. That's for sure.
Chief: Yeah.

Tricky Trickle Trapper [3.4] [edit]

[Vic the Slick steals the Source of the Nile]

Chief: Greg?
Greg: Yeah.
Chief: It's time.
Greg: Oh, yeah.
Chief: You ready?
Greg: Oh, yeah.
Chief: Come on.
Greg: I'll be right there.
Chief: Come on.
Greg: I'll be there. You guys stay here. Chess ACME style. (enters the office) You ready?
Chief: (shakes Greg's hand) Let's rumble.
Greg: GO! (both run to one end of the desk and grab each others hands) Hey! Oh! Ahh!
Chief: (laughs) Pickle hops the queen's right shoulder! (picks up a bat and runs to Greg's side and he gives chase)
Greg: Hey, you can't do that on the first move!
Chief: I already did!
Greg: Can't do it! Then, I call mayonnaise!
(they run up to the camera)
Chief: You can't do that.
Greg: Already did! PSYCHE! (laughs) Listen. (does the contest rules, but the Chief interrupts him in the middle of the second line)
Chief: Uh-uh-uh! Sloth! Steal sloth! Steal sloth! Steal-- (butts Greg over)
Greg: Whoa! Oof!
Chief: (finishes the second line of the contest rules) You--
Greg: Mud piling jumped the turtle, too.
Chief: Oh, no! (runs to the back of the office)
Greg: (laughs as he jumps off the desk) Every day, we'll pick 5 people whose lists are correct and send them each a Carmen T-Shirt. Here are the winners for today.
Chief: (as the contest winners are revealed) Oh! Oh, no, you can't do that!
Greg: Hey, come on! You're outta bounds!
Chief: No, no, no, no!
Greg: You're outta bounds!
Chief: I'm not outta bounds! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not!
Greg: Time out! Time out! Time out!
Chief: You can't call time out!
Greg: Congratulations to all the winners.
Chief: (laughs as she throws a net on Greg) The con log roll-capture!
(buzzer sounds)
Greg: Oh, rats! Rats!
Chief: Oh.
Greg: All right. Well, listen. (shakes the Chief's hand) Nice game.
Chief: Thanks.
Greg: You knew you're ahead by one.
Chief: Yeah? I thought I was behind.
Greg: (pulls out a notepad) No. See, you were ahead. Same time next week?
Chief: You bet.
Greg: All right. (exits the office with the net still on his head)
Chief: (to the home audience) What's the matter? You act like you've never seen two people play chess before.
(when Greg returns to HQ, he notices that Sean and a gorilla are playing the exact same game, so he removes the net from his head)
Greg: (throws the net on Sean) Pumpernickel's a dog toenail!
(Sean groans and Greg laughs)
Greg: Hey, buddy! Yeah!
(he and the gorilla hi-5, and the gorilla heads home)
Vic: Hey, Charmin', this spring is makin' my polyester kinda soggy. Where can I stash it?
Carmen: Hide it in a city in southern Nevada whose name is Spanish for the meadows.
Vic: Sounds like a sleepy farm town.
Carmen: It's anything but sleepy. In fact, it's been the fastest-growing American city in the past few years. While the tourist industry alone generates over $14,000,000,000 a year.
Vic: Holy savalas! I could buy pinky rings for all 12 fingers with that kinda dough. (laughs)
Greg: (as he, the Chief and the gumshoes prepare for departure to Guatemala) Okay, guys, listen up. Now, it's time for us to go to Guatemala to try to track down Vic the Slick and get back the Source of the Nile. You guys ready to go? Right?
Brenna: Yeah.
Greg: You ready? All packed and everything?
Chief: Greg? I got information to help you.
Greg: Yeah, Chief?
Chief: It's time to hit the road!
Greg: We were just doin' that, Chief. I'm sorry, guys. Go ahead. Felipe, go through the door. If you Brenna, grab my hat. Just take a right out there. We'll stop by my apartment and see what I forgot.
Chief: (while traveling) Uh, Greg, I heard the bridge is out.
Greg: No problem, Chief.

Might Takes Wright [3.5] [edit]

[Eartha Brute steals Falling Water.]

Chief: And this is Eartha Brute, Carmen Sandiego's brawny brawling burglarest.
Rockapella: (singing) Eartha Brute HUH!
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Western Pennsylvania. In 1935, department store owner Edgar Kaufmann commissioned architect Frank Lloyd Wright to build a vacation home near a waterfall on Bear Run. Wright surprised Kaufmann with a plan to build a house directly over the waterfall. The building called Falling Water was completed in 1939. One soller called Falling Water a complete masterpiece of 20th century art. Well, today, that complete masterpiece is completely gone because Eartha barreled up Bear Run, admired the architecture, and bowled it with the building and the waterfall and all. Gumshoes, it's a fright when...
Rockapella: (singing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...MIGHT TAKES WRIGHT!
(while Greg, the Gumshoes, and the Chief travel to Algeria, Greg and the Chief hum "Wait for the Wagon")
Chief: All together now!
Greg and the Chief: Wait for the Wagon.
Wait for the Wagon.
Wait for the Wagon,
and we'll all take a ride!
Greg: The M'zab (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Nothing!
Greg: Thank you!
Rockapella: Whatever! (Greg laughs)
Greg: You guys ready?!
Audience: YEAH!!
Greg: I just wanna make sure that everybody is really ready for this. Okay? So everybody, repeat after me! It's time...!
Audience: It's time...!
Greg: To catch...!
Audience: To catch...!
Greg: Carmen Sandiego!
Audience: Carmen Sandiego!
Greg: I said it's time...!
Audience: It's time...!
Greg: To catch...!
Audience: To catch...!
Greg: Carmen Sandiego!
Audience: Carmen Sandiego!
Greg: It's time...!
Audience: It's time...!
Greg: To catch...!
Audience: To catch...!
Greg: Carmen Sandiego!
Audience: Carmen Sandiego!
Greg: Lemme hear you cheer! Let's do this! (to Kavir) C'mon, man!
(the audience cheers)

Feckless Felons of Fenway [3.6] [edit]

[Double Trouble steal Fenway Park]

Pinch: Greg.
Greg: Yeah?
Pinch: I need to see your cards for a sec.
Greg: Oh, sure. What's the matter?
Pinch: Yeah, there's a mistake. You wanna take a break while I fix them?
Greg: Oh, yeah. Thanks.
Pinch: Okay.
Greg: Cool. (in his mind) A break? Sure I could use a break. Maybe I'll just pluck around back here for a clue. (puts a "KICK ME" sign behind a cameraman) A-ha! (sees a man dressed as a viking holding a card) A viking. For chance, the boys are in southern Ireland. In an important harbor that's the country's second largest city.
Pinch: (in her mind) Now, how did he get that from a viking costume? Wouldn't like leprechaun be more appropriate?
Greg: Well, you see, Pinch, vikings sailed up Ireland's rivers in the 800s and they establish lots of cities. Including this one.
Pinch: Oh, gotcha. Hey, you'd better get back to work. (hands back Greg's cards) Here are your cards.
Greg: Thanks. (returns to the gumshoes and kicks behind the cameraman; aloud) I guess we're just on the same wavelength.
Chief: Greg, come into my office.
Greg: Oh, sure, Chief. I'll be right there. You guys just excuse me one moment. We got a lotta things goin' on today. I'll be right back. Hang tight. (enters the office) What's up, Chief?
Chief: Greg, I can't find the ACME field agents tracking folders. You know where they are?
Greg: Oh, yeah. I put them down in the basement.
Chief: What basement? I didn't know we had a basement.
Greg: Sure we have a basement. It's downstairs.
Chief: What? I know it's downstairs.
Greg: You said you didn't know we had a basement.
Chief: You know what I mean.
Greg: Okay.
Chief: Could you get them for me please?
Greg: I'd be glad to. Just hold on a second. I wanna check the light on this thing, too. Because it was-- Whoa! (falls down the "basement stairs") Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, here they are right here. (climbs back up the "stairs" and hands the Chief the folder) Oh. The light's not workin' by the way.
Chief: Oh, great.
Greg: It's dark.
Chief: Greg.
Greg: Yeah?
Chief: There's only one sheet of paper in here and it says "Note to viewers" (does the contest rules) Uh, Greg?
Greg: Yeah?
Chief: This is great information, but the tracking folders?
Greg: Oh, right.
Chief: Now, be careful.
Greg: I will. (heads back down the "stairs") You know, it's so dark down here, Chief. Sometimes, you have to really watch your step, but I got my really nifty filing system, (the Chief stands up from her desk to notice Greg ducking down and that there was no basement) and I think most people would be proud of it.
Chief: Greg.
Greg: Hiya, Chief.
Chief: Oh, I knew there was no basement. Here we are in the middle of an investigation, and instead of getting the files I need, you're wasting time with juvenile trickery! Now, stand up, Mister, and get outta here!
Greg: All right, Chief. (hands her the files) Here are your files. (exits the office and returns to the gumshoes coming up the "stairs" behind the monitor as he does his Phone Tap introduction)
("Charge" is heard playing in the background)
Double Trouble: Hey, Carmen! This baseball is fun! Double-headers, long summer nights, hot dogs...
Carmen: Well, you're headed for the winter leagues. Go to a Russian port city on the White Sea.
Double Trouble: Nothin' like winter baseball, boss lady. A slight chill in the air, and...
Carmen: No, boys. This city gets serious winter. Sometimes, the harbor freezes for 7 months, and they keep it open with special ice-breaking ships. The sky stays dark for months, so make sure the ballpark lights are working.
Double Trouble: Jeez, Carmen. You think we could put fake fur seats in Fenway?
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to the Andes Mountains)
Chief: Uh, Greg, are you sure you know how to steer this thing?
Greg: Uh, I thought you knew, Chief.
Chief: Oh.
Greg: My mistake.
Greg: Machu Picchu. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Gesundheit! (Greg laughs)
Rockapella: (each time Fenway Park is revealed)

Foul balls! Green monster!

Where the Wandering Wildebeests Went [3.7] [edit]

[Kneemoi steals southeastern Africa's Bearded Wildebeests]

(ship's horn sounds)
Greg: Okay, uh, if you guys could just wait here for a moment. I just remembered that I hafta go, uh, recycle my dental floss. I'll be-- I'll be right back.
(enters the alley and the viewing turns black and white)
(Rockapella sings a catchy tune, and the Shadow walks up to Greg)
Greg: We meet again?
Shadow: Yes. The volleyballs have the mumps.
Greg: Okay, don't tell me. Volleyballs-- Uh, volleyballs mean... Sti--
Shadow: Oh, you never know the code!
Greg: I've been busy!
Shadow: Kneemoi is in the first permanent European settlement in the United States.
Greg: Yes.
Shadow: Ponce de León landed there in 1513 while looking for the Fountain of Youth.
Greg: Well, the Fountain of Youth--
Shadow: But don't look at me!
Greg: Sorry!
Shadow: Of course, the Timucua people were there 1,000 years before him. The alligators wrestle on the farm.
Greg: Okay, the alligators wrestle on the farm--
Shadow: It's not code, Greg!
Greg: I knew that.
Shadow: You can go to an alligator farm there and watch them wrestle.
Greg: All right.
Shadow: One more thing.
Greg: Yes?
Shadow: You're stepping on my pig.
Greg: Okay, you're stepping on my pig. (sees his foot on a piggy bank)
Rockapella: Baadow!
Greg: Oh, yes, stepping on my-- That was very-- (sees that the Shadow has left) Yes. Yes. Good one. That's good. (returns to the gumshoes from the window behind the monitor) Okay, we're done with the bit. Let's have the color back, please. (the viewing turns back to color) Thank you.
Chief: (in a worried voice) Greg, don't come into my office, right away.
Greg: Uh, you know, I think something's the matter with the Chief. If you guys would just hold on here. This is, uh, rather confusing. Just-- I'll be right back. Hold on. (enters the office) Chief, what's goin' on?
Chief: Oh, I'm glad you're not here, Greg.
Greg: Uh, Chief, don't you mean you're glad I am here?
Chief: No.
Greg: Wait a minute, this is very strange. Say, Chief, do you like lima beans?
Chief: No!
Greg: A-ha! I happen to know the Chief loves lima beans. Lemme try somethin' else. Uh, Chief, are you a waterbug?
Chief: Yes!
Greg: Ha-ha! I also happen to know the Chief is not a waterbug. I sense a pattern here. Chief, you're saying the opposite of everything you mean, aren't you?
Chief: No!
Greg: Ha-ha! I thought so! Now, (looks around the office) what could possibly-- Well, Chief, here's the problem right here. It's your polarity. (comes up to a panel of two switches) It's on negative.
Chief: Oh, please don't switch it!
Greg: Oh, don't worry, I will. (turns the switch to positive)
Chief: Bring on the lima beans!
Greg: Hey!
Chief: Oh, ho, that's better. Oh, ho-- Oh. I almost forgot.
Greg: Yeah.
(Greg and the Chief do the contest rules)
Greg: (sees a different switch below the polarity) Hey, Chief, what's this right here?
Chief: Oh, no, don't touch that dial, Greg. It's very delicate instrument, (Greg turns the dial to fast, which causes the Chief to move and speak fast forward) and you might do something wrong with it. Greg, don't touch the dial! If you do that, it will get broken and we'll never be able to fix it! Greg! Greg! Put that dial back right now!
Greg: Sorry, Chief.
Chief: (normal voice) Greg?
Greg: Mm?
Chief: Go away.
Greg: All right. I'll go away. I'll be right out the door, Chief. (turns the dial to slow before he exits the office)
Chief: (in a slow-motion voice) Sometimes, he makes me so mad.
Greg: (returns to HQ; in a high-speed voice) Okay, guys. Remember, we're still after Kneemoi and the Wildebeests. Fortunately for us, though, ACME Bug Net has just intercepted this phone conversation between Kneemoi and Carmen Sandiego. Watch.
(as Greg, the Chief, and the gumshoes travel to Norway)
Chief: Greg, watch it! You don't want to exceed the speed limit.
Greg: I'll stay under 5 zillion miles an hour, Chief. I promise.
Chief: (before the Photo Recon) There are 15 places here in Norway where you might find Kneemoi, the Warrant, or the Wildebeest. Uh, Wildebeests. Wil-- Wildebeestees. Wil-- Whatever.
Greg: Glåma River. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Nothing!
Greg: Thank you!
Rockapella: You're welcome!
Rockapella: (sings to the tune of the theme from the movie "Beauty and the Beast") Beauty and the Wildebeest!

Withdrawal Symptoms [3.8] [edit]

[Sarah Nade steals the SEWA Bank]

Chief: And this is Sarah Nade, Carmen Sandiego's poodle-headed punk pilferer.
Rockapella: (sing) Sarah Nade!
Chief: Her last known whereabouts: Ahmadabad, India, home to SEWA, the Self Employed Women's Association. It's mission: to help Indian women who work for themselves. One of SEWA's projects is the SEWA Bank. It lends money to women who aren't eligible for business loans from regular banks. All the bank's procedures are specially designed for poor frequently illiterate women. For instance, their bank books have picture IDs instead of signatures. SEWA's loan repayment rate is very high... or it was until today, when Sarah Nade arrived in Ahmadabad and made a very large withdrawal. She stole the whole bank. Gumshoes, you've got to solve today's case...
Rockapella: (sing) Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS!
Chief: Greg, something extremely important has come up. Could you come in here for a moment?
Greg: Oh, certainly. Absolutely, Chief. Guys, excuse me. Obviously something very important here. I'll be right back. (enters the office) Yeah, Chief.
Chief: Pick a number.
Greg: Oh, I love these things! What are they called again?
Chief: It's an ACME Fortune Teller Foldie-Thing. Now, come on, Greg. Pick a number.
Greg: Uh, 2.
Chief: Okay, pick a color.
Greg: Uh, Chartreuse. (both glare at each other) Okay, Red.
Chief: R-E-D.
Greg: Uh-huh. Okay.
Chief: "You will tell the gumshoes at home about the contest.". Well, that's a pretty specific fortune you have there, Greg.
Greg: Yeah, absolutely, I mean I can't imagine that it's ever gonna come true. WHOA! (does the contest rules) Hey! Why did I do that?
Chief: Well, the power of the Foldie-Thing is so powerful and mysterious. (finishes the contest rules and reveals the winners)
Greg: Congratulations to the winners. Okay, Chief, now it's your turn. Pick a number.
Chief: Uh, 2.
Greg: 2. 1, 2. Uh, pick a lunch meat.
Chief: A lunch meat. Uh, Olive Loaf.
Greg: Olive Loaf. O-L-I-V-E L-O-A-F. Okay, here it is right here. It says that, "You and your partner will dance the Polka, and then, you'll turn and yell "Chocolate Waffles! Chocolate Waffles!" to each other, and then, he will immediately leave the office.".
Chief: Oh, that's the most the most ridiculous thing I've ever-- (a bugle horn sounds, and Greg and the Chief stand)
Greg and the Chief: WHOA!! (polka music plays, they both dance the polka then turn to each other) CHOCOLATE WAFFLES!!! CHOCOLATE WAFFLES!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! (Greg darts out of the office)
(After Greg exits the office, he screams)
(rock music is playing in the background as Sarah rollerblades on-screen)
Carmen: Turn down that noise and listen! (silence) ACME is up to something. Take the Bank to a group of islands northeast of Cape Horn.
Sarah: Charmin', Carmen! My, ya like, pined for a horn section.
Carmen: No, Cape Horn. In South America. Britain controls the islands now, but Argentina tried to capture them in 1982.
Sarah: (inaudible) on stilts! I know the place! Argentines call 'em the Malvinas. I'm blastin' past last pass!
Carmen: (to herself) I know 12 languages, but I never understand a word she says.
Zap: Hi, gumshoes. Sarah Nade is in a city in north central California. She's hiding out in a children's museum.
Turbo: But, ya'd better fan out. The city has 5 of 'em.
Zap: My favorite's the Visionarium. 'Cause it's like a fun house of education and you could learn all about science. They're playing with bubbles, and racing golf balls. Goofy stuff like that.
Turbo: Oh, and stop by the Governor's mansion. I heard the Gov got the goods for the gumshoes.
Zap: See ya.
Chief: (on the phone at the end of Round 1) Yes, you're right, Lemke. It was a fine effort. Mm-hmm. Ooh, that's a good idea. (she hangs up the phone)
Greg: (as he, the chief, and the gumshoes prepare for departure to Sacramento, California) Okay, guys, now, what we have to do is go to Sacramento to try to find Sarah and the Bank. You guys ready to go?
Heather and Jamie: Yeah.
Greg: Okay, I almost am. If you can take my hat and if you can get the door please. Uh, I need to go get my toenails--
Chief: Uh, Greg?
Greg: Yeah?
Chief: I got some information for you now.
Greg: Yeah?
Chief: Let's hit this show on the road!
Greg: We're doin' that. We're doin' that. (heads out the door through the alley to catch up with Heather and Jamie)
Chief: (while traveling) Greg, are you sure you're staying below the speed limit?
Greg: I'm goin' 55 miles an hour, Chief. Honest!
Rockapella: Wrangled Rupees!
Rockapella: (when Heather wins the 2nd round) Sarah Nade! Honderees!
Chief: This is Lynn Thigpen for Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?, and remember: You'll be mopping prison floors if you take stuff that's not yours!

Officers' Mess [3.09] [edit]

[Grunge steals the United States Military Academy]

Chief: Greg, you'd better come into my office.
Greg: Yeah, Chief. I'll be right there. You guys, if you'll excuse me for just a moment. The Chief obviously is a need of me. (enters the office, where the Chief has ping-pong balls on her desk) What's up, Chief?
Chief: Uh, Greg, something weird is going on. I can't explain it, but a certain thing happens whenever anybody says Carmen's last name, so from now on, it's just Carmen.
Greg: Okay. Okay. Don't worry, Chief, I won't say "Carmen Sandiego".
(ping-pong balls fall from the ceiling onto the Chief)
Chief: Thanks, Greg. I knew I could count on you.
Greg: I'm sorry. Never again. I promise. I won't say "Carmen Sandi... armpit." Carmen Sandieggsalad. Carmen Sandielephant.
Chief: Oh, for goodness sake, Greg! I keep thinking you're about to say "Carmen Sandiego".
(ping-pong balls fall)
Greg: Uh, uh, Chief, do you think maybe this is maybe a good time for the home viewer contest?
Chief: Yes.
Greg: 'Kay.
(Greg and the Chief do the contest rules)
Greg: Great. See ya later. (exits the office, but the Chief stops him)
Chief: Uh, Greg. Greg, one more thing.
Greg: Mm-hmm?
Chief: You-- You know the squeak in my chair.
Greg: Oh, yeah.
Chief: I wonder if you could just check it out for me.
Greg: Squeak in a chair? All right. (sits down)
Chief: Right there. (to the ceiling) Carmen Sandiego!
(nothing happens)
Greg: Nope. No squeak that I could find. I gotta get back to work. See ya. (exits the office)
(the Chief sits back down at her desk and the ping-pong balls fall again)
(Greg returns to HQ and looks up at the ceiling to see if ping-pong balls would fall, but they don't until one does when Greg leaves for the Phone Tap)

Roaring Rodent Road Show [3.10] [edit]

[Wonder Rat steals Cody, Wyoming]

Chief: Showman Buffalo Bill Cody founded this town. His traveling Wild West Show made stars out of Annie Oakley and Chief Sitting Bull. The show's memorabilia is now displayed at Cody's Buffalo Bill Historical Center. Some say Bill's greatest achievement was turning himself into a legend. Well, oneself promoter deserves another and the other showed up today. When Wonder Rat, Carmen's second rate superhero stole the whole town. Wyoming is wailing and we've got to whip that wonder weasel. Gumshoes, your job is to wrangle that rat and his...
Rockapella: Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...ROARING RODENT ROAD SHOW!
Chief: This is Lynne Thigpen for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?. And remember: Our gumshoes are strong and steady, and some them have moms named Betty. Not mine but some of them do.

The Pied Pirates of Petra [3.11] [edit]

[Double Trouble steal Petra, Jordan]

Chief: No, don't bother to talk about the case, Greg. We're on snack time, and I intend to enjoy it!
Greg: Well, me, too, Chief! What'd ya bring?
Chief: What did I bring? Why do you ask?
Greg: Well, Chief, it's Trade Day. Y'know, everybody brings somethin' a little special in their snack box, so they can trade it with their friends. Now, what'd ya bring?
Chief: I got Shitake mushrooms en Croute, surrounded by new potatoes with parsley. And I don't want to trade. I like what I brought.
Greg: But listen, Chief, I did not make up the rules! Okay? All I know is, it's snack time, and it's Trade Day, so, here ya go. All right?
(he swaps his snack with the Chief's mushrooms)
Greg: Listen. Actually, you're in a lotta luck today, because I made my special Vienna-sausage-and-watermelon sandwich, and just for you, buddy, I put on an extra layer of mayo and peanut butter. It is great!
Chief: (looks closely at said sandwich) Greg, this is on white bread!
Greg: You better believe it, Chief. Mmm, nummy! Hoo.
(he chows down on his mushrooms)
Greg: Oh, Chief, this is fantastic.
Chief: I know.
Greg: This is great! MMM!
Chief: Let's show today's home contest winners.
(the winners are shown)
Chief: Congratulations to the winners.
(Greg grabs a loaf of sourdough bread to add to his mushrooms, while he and the Chief finish the contest rules)
Greg: (after he's finished) Chief, listen, that was great. What do you have for dessert?
Chief: (exasperatedly reveals her dessert) French pastries.
Greg: (amazed) Oh! Petifores! Chief, I love these! These are fan-- Thank you very much. (hands the Chief his own dessert and takes the pastries) Here's mine right here. Listen, I gotta go.
(he exits the office with the pastries, and the Chief looks at the dessert she got from Greg, and is dismayed, so she picks up Lemke's special phone)
Chief: (on phone) Uh, Lemke. Yeah. Chief here. Mmm-hmm. What've you got for dessert? Huh? Yeah? Why don't you bring it up to the office immediately? It's Trade Day.
(after Greg exits the office, Sean walks up to him with his own dessert)
Sean: Trade Day. (swaps desserts with Greg)
Greg: Oh. Yeah, thanks. Thanks a lot. Thank you.
Elliot: Trade Day. (swaps desserts with Sean)
Barry: Trade Day. (swaps desserts with Elliot)
Greg: Hey, Trade Day. (swaps desserts with Barry, thus retrieving his French pastries) (laughs) Phone Tap.
Carmen: Boys, pack up Petra and roll out. Those ACME Dumbshoes are on to you.
Double Trouble: Geez, Carmen, we were just skankin' to some Dancehall music.
Carmen: Dancehall music? You mean that jammin' mix of Reggae and Rap? Well, guess what? You're going to Kingston! Then, Montego Bay.
Double Trouble: Kingston? Hey, Carmen, that's where Dancehall music got started. And now, it's played all over the island. We never figured you'd be hipped to it.
Carmen: Don't underestimate me, boys. I've stolen every record Shavarings ever made.
Double Trouble: Carmen, you are de dum.
(As the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Ottawa, Canada)
Greg: Hey, Chief?
Chief: Yes, Greg?
Greg: I can see your house from here.
Greg: National Gallery of Canada. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Nothing!
Greg: Thank you.
Rockapella: You're welcome! (Greg laughs)
Rockapella: (when Zeeshan wins the 2nd round) Double Trouble (Trouble)! Yes, indeedy-doo!

The Gambian Gambit [3.12] [edit]

[Robocrook steals Gambia's Stone Circles.]

Chief: Greg, step into my office.
Greg: Yes, ma'am. I'll be right there. If you guys will please just excuse me. The Chief obviously cannot run this office without me. (enters the office) What's up, Chief?
Chief: Uh, Greg, I need to borrow a quarter for the ice machine.
Greg: Oh, is that all you wanted me for was a quarter?
Chief: No. It's just the first thing.
Greg: All right, let's see. (shows a coin holder in his jacket) You're in luck here. (pulls a coin out from the holder) Try this. (hands the Chief the coin)
Chief: Oh, okay. Greg, what are these? I've never seen coins like this before.
Greg: Chief, come on. Look. Nixon on the front, blank tapes on the back. 12 and a half cent piece.
Chief: Greg, the ice machine will not take these coins.
Greg: No?
Chief: No.
Greg: Oh, here, gimme that. (takes the coin) Try these. (pulls out two different coins and hands them to the Chief) Here, try those.
Chief: All right, here's-- Okay a dime.
Greg: Dime.
Chief: And-- What the heck? Greg.
Greg: What?
Chief: This coin has Millard Fillmore on it.
Greg: Right, it's a 15 cent piece. Plus the dime. That's 25. Simple arithmetic, Chief.
Chief: A 15 cent piece.
Greg: Yes.
Chief: Yeah, Fillmore on the front.
Greg: Yes.
Chief: And-- Oh, there's a motto on the back. It says (magnifies the coin and does the contest rules)
Greg: That is incredibly small type.
Chief: Yes, it is.
Greg: Let's show 'em who won today.
(the contest winners are revealed)
Greg: Congratulations to the winners. Here, Chief, take a look at this. (pulls out another coin and hands it to the Chief) Very proud on that. Take a look.
Chief: Ozzy Osbourne?!
Greg: You'd better believe it. Negative 35 cent piece, Chief.
Chief: Greg, I still can't use these coins in the ice machine. Oh, say, now, there is an interesting motto on the other side of this one.
Greg: Okay, what is it?
Chief: It says "Gregorious scramous outous".
Greg: Lemme see that. (the Chief hands him the coin) "Gregorious scramous outous". I wanna go look this one up. (exits the office)
Chief: Yes, Greg. You do that.
(Greg returns to HQ, looking in a Latin dictionary and sets it aside)
Greg: Very funny.
Carmen: Robo, those ACME agents are closing in. Hide out in a football game at Maracanã stadium.
Robo: Ah, football. No team is superior to da Bears.
Carmen: Not American style football, Robo. The game called soccer in the US is called Football in most other places.
Robo: Foot... ball? Football. Da Bears. Where in the stadium should I hide?
Carmen: Just blend in with the torsidorch. That's Portuguese for spectators. They beat drums, wave flags and yell cheers to support their team.
Robo: Do you think I could trade the stone circles for IDCA's autograph?
Carmen: Am going to trade you for a Toyota if you don't move now.
(as Greg, the Chief, and the gumshoes travel to Venice, Italy)
Chief: Well, what do you think of our new ACME monorail, Greg?
Greg: Ah, Chief, doesn't even have a caboose.
Rockapella: (each time the stone circles are revealed)
Burgled boulders!
Like a Rolling Stone! (Bob Dylan song)
Whoa! The stones, man!
Rockapella: (when Mark wins the 2nd round) Robocrook! GET DOWN!
Greg: Point right over there. Just point.
(Mark points to the phone, and it rings)
Greg: Look at the power! Hello? Yeah, it's for you.
Mark: Yes? (Robo tells Mark to go to Africa)

The Persian Incursion [3.13] [edit]

[Wonder Rat steals the Persian Gulf]

Greg: Hiya, Chief. Listen, I was expectin' you to call me in.
Chief: Well, I couldn't, Greg. My intercom doesn't work, and look, (shows her magnifying glass) my magnifying glass won't magnify. The blotter won't blot. Well, I can't even open my drawers.
Greg: Chief, listen. Maybe your desk is outta gas. Now, when was the last time you had it filled?
Chief: Well, you know, I've been so busy, I haven't even thought about it lately.
Greg: Look here, this is your problem. It's bone dry, huh? I'll fill it up for you. (taps the left side of her desk to summon the monitor she had previously used for the Photo Recon segment in Season 2)
Chief: Oh, thanks. And while you do that, I'll tell the home viewers at home about the contest. (Greg puts a gas pump in the top of the monitor to have her desk filled with gasoline and cleans the "windshield"; during this the contest is announced)
Greg: Heck of a deal. All right, uh, pull thing there, Chief. (removes the gas pump and the Chief starts her "car" and Greg taps the monitor to descend back down) All right. Safe as always.
Chief: (hands Greg his tip) There you go. Keep the change.
Greg: Thank you. Drive safely.
Chief: (turns on her "headlights") You bet.
Greg: (as the Chief drives off) And don't play your radio too loud. You know what happened last time. (the Chief waves goodbye and so does Greg) See ya. (exits the office with the gas pump)
Carmen: You'd better take the gulf on the lam.
Wonder Rat: I am on the lam, Carmen. I've been in 4 countries in the last 8 minutes.
Carmen: I mean the Lam Sea. That's what the local people used to call it, anyway. The sea is officially part of Russia, so you see its modern Russian name on maps. Head for Sakhalin Island.
Wonder Rat: Gee, you'll think I'll run into any of my faithful devoted fans, Carmen?
Carmen: No, they're both in prison, but keep your claws out of the water. The sea is full of crabs.
Wonder Rat: Hey, crabs love me! I'll get a crustacean ovation! (laughs)
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Glasgow, Scotland)
Greg: I love drivin' this car, Chief.
Chief: Well, just don't push the ejector seat like you did the last time.
(Wonder Rat tells Diana to go to North America)
Greg: What'd he say?
Diana: We're goin' to North America!
Greg: (laughs) Do it again!
Diana and Greg: (point to the camera) We're goin' to North America!

The Glacier Erasure [3.17] [edit]

[Vic the Slick steals Perito Moreno Glacier]

Greg: We made a mistake, Tahare, the last time you were on this show last season. So we asked you to come back. So good luck to you. Thanks for comin' back. Ladies and gentlemen, Tahare's here.
Carmen: They're after you, Vic. Take the glacier to the last African colony to declare independence from Britain. A small landlocked kingdom in southern Africa.
Vic: Landlocked? This ice is tough haulin' on land, Carmster.
Carmen: Hire some help. Pay them with emalangeni. That's the country's currency. King Mswati III is pictured on the bills.
Vic: Hey, maybe I could sell the king this burg, huh?
Carmen: Can you bargain and speak Swati?
Vic: Eh, no, but good taste is a universal language.
Carmen: Then, you're universally illiterate.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Tianjin, China)
Chief: Uh, Greg, isn't this where we're supposed to meet the ferry?
Greg: Ferry?
Chief: Yeah.
Greg: What ferry?

Rio Rock Wranglers [3.18] [edit]

[Double Trouble steal Sugarloaf Mountain]

Greg: Now, I really do think we're gettin' close to catchin' Double Trouble. All we hafta do is contin--
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Oh, you think so, do you?!
Greg: It's my upstairs neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger. (enters the alley and looks up at Mrs. Pumpkinclanger) Hey, Mrs. P!
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: "How that red rain hath made the harvest grow", said the poet Lord Byron. He was describing a sight in the center of Belgium, where Napoleon fought his last battle in 1815 and now Double Trouble are a blight on that same sight. Uh, you know, I'm a bit of a poet myself. (shows a book) The stench of crime lies heavy upon us. Like a patient etherised upon a table and alas my downstairs neighbors are a clumsy surgeon and trusted with its cure. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Good-bye. (shuts her window)
Greg: Good-bye. Thank-- Thank you very much. Thanks a lot. By the way, we have copies of her book in the lobby after the show. Okay?
Carmen: If you guys don't move, you'll be in a mountain of trouble.
Double Trouble: Where to, Carmen?
Carmen: Go to the country once known as Mesopotamia. It was one of the first civilizations on earth.
Double Trouble: Well, that was then. What's there now?
Carmen: The country's capital is a big city on both banks of the Tigris River. It's also the center of industry and transportation. They're reconstructing after the damage from the Gulf War.
Double Trouble: We're there, boss! Let's rock the Cradle of civilization!
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Ulan Bator, Mongolia)
Chief: This thing is sorta drafty, Greg. Can you close the window?
Greg: No windows, Chief. This is the economy model.

The Grand Trunk Punk [3.19] [edit]

[Grunge steals the Grand Trunk Road]

(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Cape Cod, Massachusetts)
Chief: Hey, nice boat, Greg.
Greg: Yep, all the comforts of home.
Rockapella: (when Grunge is revealed; in a grungy voice) Top Grunnnnnnnnnnnge!
Greg: Yeah!
Rockapella: Movin' on! (sings their fanfare; as Earl is about to leave his podium, when the confetti starts falling)
Greg: No, wait! (Earl heads back to his podium) Okay, yeah. Good. Okay. Now come here. Oh, we're very serious about our confetti, sir.

Brazilian Lingo Sting [3.23] [edit]

[Kneemoi steals the Portuguese language.]

(Greg enters the office where she is having brain surgery and Barry is dressed as a brain surgeon)
Greg: Hi, Chief.
Chief: Oh, hi, Greg.
Greg: What is going on?
Chief: Well, Greg, I know so much, my memory is full. So, I'm having some old memories removed from my brian to make room for new ones. (Barry pulls out ballet shoes) Oh, I remember 4th grade ballet. I hated ballet. Toss 'em. (Barry puts them in a memories box) Oh, my. My mind feels less cluttered already. Oh. Oh, I remember Pinch my Parakeet from 11th grade. Oh, keep him. (Pinch flies off)
Greg: Chief, your, uh-- Your bird just, uh, flew out the window.
Chief: What bird?
Greg: Forget it.
Chief: Uh, Greg?
Greg: Yeah.
Chief: I wanted to tell viewers something. Uh, oh.
Barry: Oh, I must've already removed that memory.
Greg: What? Oh.
Barry: Check the discarded bin please.
Greg: Oh, yeah. Sure. I'll do it. (searches through the bin)
Chief: Something I wanted to say.
Greg: (pulls out a card with the ACME logo on it) Uh, I think this is it, Chief. (does the contest rules)
Chief: Congratulations to the winners.
Greg: (pulls out an album with Mr. Rogers on it) Chief, a Mister Rogers album? (laughs)
Chief: Oh, Greg, give me that. (snatches the album) Oh, I think it's time you got back to the investigation.
Greg: Okay, Chief. (laughs as he exits the office)
Chief: Here, put that back. (Barry puts the album back in her brain and she sings a brief line of "Won't You Be My Neighbor?") It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood. A beautiful day in the neighbor. Would you be mine? Could you be mine?
Greg: Thanks for the memories. The nights we spend in Rome. (humming) We thank you so good. Pretty nice. Good fine. Well-- I don't-- I don't-- I don't have a partner. (Rockapella leaves) Phone Tap!
Carmen: Kneemoi, head for a southeast Asian country where most people practice a very traditional form of Buddhism.
Kneemoi: Buddhism? Is that different from Shuism?
Carmen: Kneemoi, it's a religion. Centered on the 37 Nats. Mythical figures who each have a story. Believers honor the Nats and give offerings. Sort of the Buddhist version of Catholic saints.
Kneemoi: On my planet, we honor plumbing devices.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Richmond, Virginia)
Chief: Greg, are you sure you could drive this thing?
Greg: No problem, Chief, a chimp could do this.
Greg: Agecroft Hall. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Nothing!
Greg: Thank you!
Rockapella: Don't mention it! (Greg laughs)

The Hope Elopement [3.27] [edit]

[Patty Larceny steals the Hope Diamond.]

Patty: I used to be a sweet innocent schoolgirl. Now I'm a sweet guilty schoolgirl and it's all Carmen's fault! Go look for her in South America.

The Bollywood Shuffle [3.28] [edit]

[Double Trouble steal the R.K. Movie Studio.]

Carmen: Boys, those ACME goons are on to us. Where've you been?
Double Trouble: Well, now, chill out, Carmen. We took the studio starlets ice skating in West Africa.
Carmen: Ice? In West Africa? Who do you think you're kidding?
Double Trouble: Not you, boss lady. We're at the Hotel Ivoire in Abidjan. Home of West Africa's first ice rink.
Carmen: Abidjan? That's just 5 degrees north of the Equator.
Double Trouble: Yep. Ain't modern refrigeration amazing? Listen, Carmen. We'll shake ACME as soon as we practice our Triple Sow Cow.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to El Paso, Texas)
Chief: Watch the altitude, Greg. The air gets thinner up high.
Greg: Don't worry, Chief, this is a pressurized basket.
Greg: Hello?
Neil Patrick Harris: Greg?
Greg: Yeah?
Neil: This is your doctor.
Greg: Yeah.
Neil: I got your letter about your little problem.
Greg: Well, I don't think I want you to talk about that on national--
Neil: No, No, there's nothing to be ashamed of, Greg. Lots of people drool in their sleep.
Greg: Oh, yeah.
Neil: All I suggest is, uh, sleep in a raincoat or put a spittoon by your bed.
Greg: Well, I think that's kinda silly.
Neil: And hey, hey, you're in good company, Greg. Plenty of celebrities drool.
Greg: Like who?
Neil: Lassie, Mr. Ed, Scooby Doo.
Greg: Yeah.
Neil: Benji.
Greg: Benji? (hangs up the phone) I had no idea what he was talkin' about. All of that was completely made up. What we're waiting for now is a call from Carmen Sandiego. (the phone rings again) There. This must be her. Yes? Thank you for callin'. (hands Folake the phone) It's for you.
Folake: Hello? (Double Trouble tell Folake to go to North America)

The Cheese Steak Brute Quake [3.29] [edit]

[Eartha Brute steals Philadelphia, Pennsylvania's Cheesesteaks.]

Greg: For our next clue, we turn to our agent from ACME kindly dear old granny net. Hit it, Nana Rap!
Nana Rap: Thanks, sonny. Let's rock the house! (echoes 4 times and rock music plays)
Eartha's styling east with the Philly Steaks
To the biggest city in the smallest state.
In the 1630s, this town was formed,
So religious freedom could be the norm.
The Moshassuck River is where it set.
River number 2 is the Woonasquatucket.
Well, I'm droppin' Science, Greggie dear.
Check you later.
I'm outta here!
'Cause I'm the Nana! (echoes) Nana!
Greg: Nana Rap, ladies and gentlemen! Let's hear it for her please.
Carmen: Eartha, I'm sending you to Lilongwe, an African capital. But first, get some new clothes.
Eartha: But, Carmen. I like what I'm wearing. It shows my muscles.
Carmen: Well, this is a very modest country. Women can't wear shorts or pants. They're against the law.
Eartha: Oh, sure. And the guys get to wear what they want?
Carmen: Nope. Long hair that touches the collar is against the law. So are bell bottom trousers.
Eartha: Gee. Then I guess I gotta go shopping. There just isn't much selection in the size 82 petite, you know.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Stockholm, Sweden)
Chief: Greg, do we really need all these wagons?
Greg: I had to make sure we brought enough snack food along, Chief. Want a pretzel?
Greg: Nobel Library. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Shh!
Rockapella: (each time the Cheesesteaks are revealed in the 2nd round)
Heisted hoagies!
Fallen hero!
Phil-a-delphia cheesesteak! (sung to Elton John's Philadelphia Freedom)
Grounded grinder!
Go, Caitlin!
Go, Devon!
The Loot!

Unfair Exchange [3.31] [edit]

[Wonder Rat steals Mongolia's Stock Market.]

Rockapella: It's a Video-Music Clue,... Greg!
Chief: Here's a list of places Carmen may have traveled.
Greg: Chief, wait a minute. Hey, hey. That doesn't happen now. You're completely way too early. What are you doin'?
Chief: Well-- Well, you're right, Greg.
Greg: Yeah.
Chief: I was just going by this schedule.
Greg: Well, your schedule is wrong then, Chief. All right? (lightning flashes a second time) Wait a minute! It's not time for the Lightning Round! Just excuse me just one moment, guys. We got a real scheduling problem. I'll try to straighten this out. Be right back. (enters the office)
Chief: All these people want to know...!
Greg: CHIEF! Please! You already did that part! Please.
Chief: I thought something didn't feel quite right.
Greg: Exactly.
Rockapella: Ooooooooooooooooooooh...!
(Barry and Sean run in, dressed as a safari hunter and gorilla, respectively, when Greg stops them and the music)
Greg: Hey, guys! WHOA-WHOA! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Listen! It's not time for the Chase! Okay?! I'm sorry!
(Sean removes his gorilla mask and looks at a piece of paper)
Sean: According to my schedule, it's time for the Chase.
Greg: (takes the schedule) This is not a schedule. This is a discarded piece of paper from the producers.
Chief: You're right. Sorry, boys. Back to the alley.
Greg: Sorry. Sorry. (Barry and Sean both exit the office) Listen, Chief, we're gonna have to do this thing for memory. Okay? Uh, okay, guys, (does the contest rules with the Chief)
Chief: Then, we congratulate the winners.
Greg: Right.
Greg and the Chief: Do it, Rockapella!
Chief: No, that's not it. It's got--
Greg: Hold it. No. See, you gotta-- You're still on this.
Chief: Oh.
Greg: Okay.
Greg and the Chief: Congratulations.
(Greg laughs)
Chief: Great.
Greg: Phew.
Chief: Now, we can go on with the show. (the show stops showing all of a sudden followed by static clouding as the screen becomes clearer, showing Greg out of the Chief's Office and looking at the new schedule)
Greg: Okay, I have an updated schedule, and it's, uh, Phone Tap.
Wonder Rat: Carmen, this is a real bull market.
Carmen: ACME is bearing down on you. Take the stock market to Canada and deep six it in a bay that borders Michigan and the province of Ontario.
Wonder Rat: Can I sell shares on the shores?
Carmen: No, you have to lay low. Hide out in a town named after the bay. You can't miss it. It's the largest port on Lake Superior.
Wonder Rat: Lake Superior? Great. A body of water whose name reflects my marvelous character. (giggles)
Carmen: No, that would be Lake Dolloff.
Wonder Rat: Dolloff.
Greg: You know, I feel the blues coming on.
Rockapella: Greg, we need you.
Greg, we need you.
Oh, yes, we do.
Greg: Look for that rat-faced
boy in a city
Where Bessie Smith sang
the blues so pretty.
He's a filthy rodent.
Big and blue.
Rockapella: Big and blue.
Greg: All right.
Bessie sang like
no one before.
She made the blues popular from
shore to shore.
Stick that stinkin' rat face
in a zoo.
Rockapella: In a zoo.
Greg: C'mon, boys.
This southeastern Tennessee town's name
might just suit you,
if ya sing about a...
A famous Choo-Choo!
Bust that filthy rodent...
If you do.
All: If you do.
If you do!
(applause)
Greg: (shakes the hands of the watching crowd) Oh, yeah! Thanks a lot!
Rockapella: Greg, go away.
Greg, go away.
You go away.
Greg: Good to see ya, guys. How are ya? Nice. Thanks for comin' out tonight, you guys. Hey, remember your waiters tonight, everybody. Thank you. One more time, let's give it up to the best vocal band in America! Rockapella, ladies and gentlemen! (applause)
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to St. Louis, Missouri)
Greg: I think the alignment is a little off on this car, Chief.
Chief: Uh, just a hunch, Greg, but maybe it's the road.
Greg: Eads Bridge. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Nothing!
Greg: Thank you!
Rockapella: Save it! (Greg laughs)
Greg: Hello?
Joe Biden: Greg, Senator Joe Biden here.
Greg: Oh, hey, Senator.
Joe: I just wanted to let you know that I proposed a Congressional resolution naming you "The Best Detective of the Year".
Greg: Why thank you, sir.
Joe: But some people were more comfortable with "Best Detective of the Month".
Greg: Uh-huh.
Joe: And a few preferred "Best Detective of the Work Week". Then someone suggested "best" is an awfully strong word, so we decided to name you "The Somewhat Notable Detective of the Next 12 Minutes". Congratulations, Greg.
Greg: Thank you very much, sir. Thank you. Good-bye! Thank you. (hangs up phone and talks to Sharee) Can you believe that? Can you believe that? (phone rings again) Oh, hold on a second. (answers phone again) Yes? Yeah, she's right here. This one's for you. (hands phone to Sharee)
Sharee: Hello? (Wonder Rat tells Sharee to go to Asia)
Chief: This is Lynne Thigpen for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?, and remember: ACME Gumshoes top all others, and we always phone our mothers.

The Slick Ship Ripoff [3.32] [edit]

[Vic the Slick steals the Gdansk Shipyard.]

(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Zambia)
Greg: Chief, I love these little cars! Where'd ya get 'em?
Chief: Oh, ACME Wet Muffler-Net sent them over.
Rockapella: (each time the Gdansk Shipyard is revealed)
Ship sham!
Yanked yards!
Anchors Aweigh, my boy! (Theme song of the U.S. Navy)
Gdone Gdansk!

Chip & Disk's Rescue Rangers [3.33] [edit]

[Kneemoi steals Mombasa, Kenya's computer memory.]

Greg: So we'll get started with our very first clue, which come to us from ACME Tonight-Net agent Jay Leno. Jay.
Jay: Hey, gumshoes. Kneemoi is on an island in the Indian Ocean, east of Madagascar. You know who used to live there? Uh, dodo birds. Big headed, waddling, flightless guys that kinda look like huge distorted pigeons. You won't get the scoop on Kneemoi from the dodos though. They've been extinct for about 320 years. So you're gonna have to snag her yourself.
Greg: Thanks, Jay.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Lagos, Nigeria)
Greg: Buckle up, Chief. This thing's pretty fast.
Chief: I can't buckle up, Greg. I'm digital.
Greg: Queen's College. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Nothing!
Greg: Thank you!
Rockapella: No problemo! (Greg laughs)
Greg: Federal Palace Hotel. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Nothing!
Greg: Thank you!
Rockapella: It's a livin'! (Greg laughs)

Badwoman Steals Goodman [3.34] [edit]

[Patty Larceny steals the Goodman Theatre.]

Eggman: EGGMAN!! YEAH!
Audience: (sleeps)
Greg: Come on, you guys! Come on! The Eggman!
Audience: (applauds)
Carmen: Come on. Answer. ACME's closing in!
Patty: (on answering machine) Hi. This is Patty. I can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message and if I can fit you into my busy schedule, I'll get back to you. (machine beeps)
Carmen: Guess who, twinkletoes? If you don't scram, I'll be leaving messages with your warden. Take the theatre to a capital on the Danube River. The nightlife there has been buzzing since the fall of Communism. Restaurants, cafes, and theatres are all crowded with people. There's even a Pah shopping street nicknamed the Fifth Avenue of eastern Europe. And one more thing, I really hate answering machines. (machine beeps and Carmen hangs up the phone)
(the Chief sings "The Wheels on the Bus" as she, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Wuhan, China)
Chief: And the wheels on the bus go round and round. Round and round. Round and round. Around--
Greg: Chief. Chief. Chief, I've always hated that song.
Rockapella: (each time the Goodman Theatre is revealed)
Thievin' theatre!
Pilfered persinium!
Another openin'! (a la Ethel Merman)
Stage handled!

Tattoo Snafu [3.35] [edit]

[Kneemoi steals Borneo's tattoos]

Carmen: Kneemoi, take the tattoos to another rainforest in an African country on the equator. Many people there believe in magic.
Kneemoi: Ah, yes. Even we aliens admired his basketball prowess.
Carmen: Not Magic Johnson. Magic. You know, people turning into animals, that sort of thing. Lots of citizens follow a religion called Bwiti. It combines some Catholic rituals brought by French settlers with the magical belief of the original people.
Kneemoi: Where should I hide out?
Carmen: Go to Libreville on the Atlantic coast until the pressure's off.
Kneemoi: Okay, boss. Remember, keep your sleeves bon shiny.
Greg: (as he, the Chief, and the gumshoes prepare for departure to the Mississippi River) Okay, guys, uh, remember, it's time for us now to go the Mississippi River. We're gonna try to find Kneemoi and the tattoos. You guys all ready to go?
Erin: Yeah.
Allison: Yep.
Chief: Uh, Greg? I got some information for us.
Greg: Yeah, Chief?
Chief: Time for us to get a move on!
Greg: Okay. We're goin' (shakes the screen as he holds it upside-down) Something is definitely the matter with this. Okay.
Erin: Want me to take your hat?
Greg: If you would take the hat please, and if you go out this way. I'll be-- You guys have a shoetree 'cause I forgot to pack mine. I wanna just make sure. I could borrow yours then? Great. (while traveling) Carmen can't outrun us while we're in this, Chief.
Chief: Yeah, but she'll probably see us coming.
Kneemoi: Oh, another planet, another prison cell. Maybe I could spend my sentence getting to know Carmen better. Look for her in Europe.

The Deer Disappear [3.36] [edit]

[Vic the Slick steals the Nara Deer.]

Chief: And this is Vic the Slick, Carmen Sandiego's mealy-mouthed mustachioed marauder.
Rockapella (singing) Vic the Slick
Chief: His last known whereabouts: Nara, Japan, the nation's first permanent capital from 710 to 784 A.D. Nowadays, the city's famous for Nara Park and the 1,000 rare shika deer that wander its ground. They're tame and extremely popular with park visitors. Some members of the Shinto religion even considered them Divine Spirit Messengers. But yesterday, the hooved hot shots involuntarily vacated the premises, when that santering decanter of banter Vic the Slick tiptoed into the park, unleashed his lasso and departed with the deer. He's thinking of selling them to Santa as a 2nd string team. Gumshoes, you've got to catch Carmen and stop that creep who made...
Rockapella (singing): Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...THE DEER DISAPPEAR!

ABCee Ya Later [3.37] [edit]

[Wonder Rat steals the Australian Broadcasting Corporation]

William Ragsdale: (hears the sound of a stampede) Remember the ACME Triangle of Excellence, Gumshoes: (forms the Triangle with his hands) Vigilance, Dedication, Courage!
Chief: Here's a list of places Carmen may have traveled.
Greg: Chief, what are you doin'? You are completely off. That is not the right thing. It's not time for that!
Chief: Well-- Well, you're right Greg. I was just going by this schedule.
Greg: Well, then, your schedule is wrong, Chief. I'm sorry. (lightning flashes a second time) Excuse me! We-- We already had the Lightning Round! Listen, guys. We're havin' some kinda scheduling problem. I'm sorry. Lemme go try to work this out. I'll be right back.
(the rest of the office sketch is the same as in "Unfair Exchange")
Carmen: ACME's ready to spring a trap on you.
Wonder Rat: Geez, I'd better stop... (sniffs) ...sniffin' around here, then.
Carmen: Take the network to a Spanish town on the Mediterranean Sea. It's where artist Pablo Picasso was born. You can hole up in the Gibralfaro, an ancient Moorish castle.
Wonder Rat: Gee, that's great! A TV network, a castle? Hoo-hoo! I'm travelin' in style! I wanna be as famous as Michael Jackson. Hee.
Carmen: You're gonna be as busted as Michael Milton if you don't move your tail.
Chief: Greg?
Greg: Yes?
Chief: There's mustard on your sleeve.
Greg: No kidding. (rubs his sleeve) Oh, gee. Sorry about that. I'll take care of that later on. Okay, thanks, Chief.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Indianapolis, Indiana)
Chief: Greg, didn't I tell you to get this road flat?
Greg: I'm sorry, Chief. I've been busy trainin' Gumshoes.
Greg: (before the Jailtime Challenge) You guys were tied at the end of the last round. We flipped a coin. Antonio, you won that toin coss. Toin coss? That cossed toin. You won. (laughter) You're gonna go first. Go ahead.
Rockapella: (each time Shoeprints are revealed) Near Scott's house!
1 mile from Scott's house!
Scott: (on his own) 1 mile from my house!
Rockapella: (each time the Australian Broadcasting Corporation is revealed)
Netted network!
Pilfered primetime!
Aussie lossie!
Plunder down under!
No show!
Don't touch that dial!
Go, Antonio!
Rockapella: (when Antonio wins the 2nd round) Wonder Rat! TOUCHÉ!

Rude Robot's Reckless Ridiculous Rocket Ripoff [3.38] [edit]

[Robocrook steals Kazakhstan's Baikonur Cosmodrome.]

Greg: (about the Clue-Fish) I gotta get rid of the fish here. (to the audience) You guys want me to... You want me to save it, or d'you want me to fry it?
Audience: (chant) FRY IT! FRY IT! FRY IT! FRY IT!
Greg: Oh, no-no-no, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Hey! Hey! Hey! He's my buddy! I'm gonna save him! C'mon! (he throws the fish into the water) Sorry about that, audience!
Carmen: Go to an ocean community off Africa's northwest coast. It's made up of 13 islands.
Robo: Which one is my destination?
Carmen: Try Gomera. The locals sometimes speak a whistle language called Silbo. You know how to speak Silbo, don't you?
Robo: Sure. Just put your lips together, and blow.
Carmen: Gomera was the last place Columbus visited before leaving for the New World. Legend says he was delayed because he fell in love.
Robo: You humans are hopelessly romantic.
Carmen: At least we don't rust when it rains.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Brasília, Brazil)
Chief: Boy, this is the way to travel, eh, Greg?
Greg: You said, Chief. Hey, pass the complimentary mixed nuts, huh?

Tivoli Misery [3.39] [edit]

[Eartha Brute steals Tivoli Park.]

Carmen: Eartha, those ACME agents are closing in. Head for a historical city in Japan.
Eartha: (gasps) A hysterical city, Carmen?! Why are they so upset?
Carmen: I said historical city, Eartha! No one's upset! There are hundreds of shrines there and millions of Japanese tourists visit every year.
Eartha: Jeez, they come all the way from Japan? That place must be really special.
Carmen: Earth to Eartha! This place is in Japan! Now, just get going to Honshū Island.
Eartha: Carmen, have you been under a lot of stress lately?
Carmen: Just get going!
Chief: (at the end of the 1st round) Uh, big problems here, Greg. Uh, we're out of ACME Travel Kits.
Greg: Well, Chief, isn't there anything you can do? Huh?
Chief: Hmm, uh, nope. Sorry.
Greg: But what about the hologram? You could use the hologram!
Chief: (gasps) That's a great idea!
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Havana, Cuba)
Chief: (coughs) Aren't we a little conspicuous driving these?
Greg: Ah, Chief, she'll never see us comin'.
Chief: (coughs) Yeah, but she'll see the dust a mile away.
(as the gumshoes have been struggling to find The Warrant in the 2nd round)
Rockapella: The Warrant!
Greg: Oh! (crowd screams) You have the Loot! You have the Warrant! Do you remember where Eartha is?!
Collin: The Ice Cream Parlor.
Greg: (to the board) Is she still at Coppelia Ice Cream Parlor?!
(Eartha is revealed)
Rockapella: (singing) Eartha Brute! HUH! BABALOO!!!

Signed, Stealed, and Delivered [3.42] [edit]

[Patty Larceny steals some airport signals and signs.]

Patty: I used to be a sweet innocent schoolgirl. Now I'm a sweet guilty schoolgirl and it's all Carmen's fault! Go look for her in Europe.
Greg: Everybody, repeat after me! It's time...!
Audience: It's time...!
Greg: To catch...!
Audience: To catch...!
Greg: Carmen Sandiego!
Audience: Carmen Sandiego!
Greg: I said it's time...!
Audience: It's time...!
Greg: To catch...!
Audience: To catch...!
Greg: Carmen Sandiego!
Audience: Carmen Sandiego!

I Only Have Spice for You [3.43] [edit]

[Grunge steals all of Indonesia's spices.]

Greg: And now for the final clue of this round, we give you the Amazing Disgusting Glob.
Rockapella: (sing the Amazing Disgusting Glob's intro)
(The Glob bounces all over the stage until he hits the monitor.)
Greg: Oh, no! He broke the monitor! What the--? Eww! Not again! I'll get this off. (he starts wiping on the newspaper in the trashcan) Huh?

The Patty Pony Pinch [3.53] [edit]

[Patty Larceny steals the Chincoteague Ponies.]

Barry: A horse is a horse, of course, of course!
(Patty tells Gabriel to go to North America)
Greg: What did she say?
Gabriel: I don't know. I couldn't hear her.
Greg: Well, I have a pretty good idea we're going to North America. NORTH AMERICA! CHIEF!

Season 4 [edit]

About Face [4.1] [edit]

[Sarah Nade steals Balinese masks]

(the Chief watches a movie while eating popcorn, while Greg enters)
Greg: Hey, listen. These should've been taken back to the video store already. What are you doin'? (sees a video cover) What is this? Frou-Frou Come Home? "The story of the little chihuaua bound for glory in the bright lights of Broadway." Chief, this is a Dog Movie!
Chief: And it's wonderful! This is the part where Frou-Frou escapes from the bad guy at the junkyard. But he forgets his lucky ribbon that his little girl owner gave to him when she was in the hospital, and he's going back!
Greg: Looks like I'm doin' the contest on my own today. Here's who won.
(the contest winners are revealed)
Greg: Congratulations to the winners.
(he looks closely at the movie in progress)
Greg: Hey, Chief, wait a minute. Is Frou-Frou really gonna jump from that train onto that little tiny piece of tuna-fish sandwich?! He's never gonna make it!
(he and the Chief share the popcorn, and Greg gives the Chief a signal to finish the contest rules, of which the Chief does)
Greg: Chief, Lassie and Rin-Tin-Tin are trapped inside the burning eraser factory.
Chief: Ah-ah-ah, don't worry. Frou-Frou's gonna get them out! (sirens) I see him! Look out!
Greg and the Chief: (excitedly) OH! HE BROUGHT HELP!! THEY'RE GETTING THE AMBULANCE!!! FROU-FROU!! FROU-FROU!!!
(they both laugh like crazy, and Greg is about to go away)
Greg: Okay. Um, these hafta go back by today.
Chief: Yeah. I'm on it.
Greg: Okay.
(he exits the office)
Chief: Oh, Frou-Frou, we could use you!
Plastic Diver Guy: Oh, no! That ominous music! Feline alert! Catfish at 12:00!
(a catfish, which is actually half-cat, half-fish, attacks him from above)
Rockapella: The one and only Plastic Diver Guy!
Sarah: Aw, man! This prison is heinous! The guards keep playin' music by Kenny G. Get Carmen in here before I freak out! She scooted to North America.

Space Place Chase [4.2] [edit]

[Robocrook steals NASA's Space Camp]

Robocrook: Robocrook Unit 0-59 calling. The judge threw the wrench at Robocrook. I'm sentenced to 20 years at the jailhouse soda machine. Get Carmen to help. You'll find her in Africa.

Countdowner [4.7] [edit]

[Wonder Rat steals the European Space Center from French Guiana]

Wonder Rat: Now that I'm in prison, I'll get really famous. They'll want me on Current Copy, Inside Affair and Hard Edition. Tell Carmen to cut a deal. You'll find her in North America.

How to Get a Head in Crime [4.8] [edit]

[Kneemoi steals the Olmec head stones.]

Kneemoi: 92 planets, 92 jail cells! My frequent prisoner miles are really adding up! I'll give Carmen a free trip to Roddenberry. Go find her in North America.

You Ain't Nothin' But a House Thief [4.11] [edit]

[Sarah Nade steals Graceland]

Chief: Greg, come in here, now! (ducks down)
Greg: Geez, guys, this looks, uh, fairly serious. If you don't mind, hang here. I'll be right back. (enters the office where the Chief is nowhere in sight) Yeah, Chief? Chief!
Chief: (pops up from under her desk, startling Greg) Greg, I think I'm losing my mind. (Greg sighs) I can't find my ruler!
Greg: Chief, calm down. I'll help you look for it. (searches under the desk with her)
(as they search, the Chief's coffee mug is being taken by ants, although they are not seen, who sing "The Ants Go Marching")
Chief: Oh, never mind. I'll just buy a new one.
Greg: Chief, listen. You hear that?
Chief: Sounds like singing.
Greg: Yeah. (sees her muffin moving) Chief, look, your muffin is moving.
Chief: Oh, Greg, muffins don't move. (they both examine the muffin closely) Well, I'll be. (magnifies the muffin) Those are ants!
Greg: Chief, those aren't just ants. Those are rare singing ants.
Chief: Oh, really?
Greg: Yeah.
Chief: Well, maybe they can sing about the contest.
(the ants sing the contest rules to the tune of their song)
Greg: Oh, that's good. That's very good. (the Chief finishes the contest rules)
Greg and the Chief: Congratulations to the winners.
Ants: Ready, eat! (they instantly eat the muffin)
Greg: Uh, you know, Chief, normally, I know this is a time when you wanna call an exterminator, but, uh, they're so cute. Don't you think? They're cute!
Chief: Oh, all right. I understand. I can get another muffin.
Greg: Another muffin.
Chief: And another ruler.
Greg: Another ruler.
Chief: And ano-- (the ants take the desk) Wha--
Greg: I'm particularly ambitious today.
Chief: Oh, I think I better call the bug people.
Greg: Yeah. (gets up from the desk) Yeah. You do that. (exits the office and returns to HQ, where the ants take the camera) Hey. Hey, don't take the camera. Hey, come on! We got a show to do, guys! Don't take the camera! Come on! (to a cameraman) Go to the Phone Tap.
Chief: (at the end of the 1st round) ...And our ACME Voice Identification Badge and Leave-a-Message Wallet. (opens it up, revealing an image of herself) Perfect for storing messages. (presses a button and a cow moo is heard) And, uh, the occasional large pet.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the Gumshoes travel to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania)
Chief: Hey, pretty cool view, Greg. The latest from ACME Car Net?
Greg: Heck, no, Chief. It's a loner from George Jetson. (laughs) Well, I like it!
(an image of the model neighborhood from Mister Rogers' Neighborhood is shown)
Chief: Finally, take a stroll through Pittsburgh's most famous neighborhood. Oh, boy. These aerial shots make cars and houses look just like toys. What? They are toys? Oh. Oh, of course. Pittsburgh's most famous neighborhood is the home of Mister Rogers, but this is no time for make-believe, Gumshoes.
Sarah: (says the exact same thing in About Face)

Fugone But Not Fugotten [4.12] [edit]

[Kneemoi steals the Fugu from Shimonoseki, Japan]

Greg: Hey, they're just back from their world wide tour with two shade turtle.
Rockapella: Rockapella! (blow kisses)
(Greg enters the Chief's office, where she is sleeping)
Greg: Chief! Oh, the Chief's asleep. Guess there's no meeting today.
(he exits the office, but is stopped by a translucent image of the Chief who walks in)
Out-of-body experience Chief: Greg, where're you going?
Greg: Chief! You were asleep, but I don't know what's goin' on.
Out-of-body experience Chief: Ah, well, Greg, I'm just having an out-of-body experience. Sometimes, I find it very relaxing to take a stroll.
Greg: That's a cool trick, Chief.
(another out-of-body experience Chief walks in)
Out-of-body experience Chief 2: Hey, how you doing, Greg?
Greg: Wait a minute. 3 Chiefs?!
(the real Chief wakes up)
Chief: Greg. Oh, I'm so glad you're here!
Greg: Me, too, Chief. There's some really weird stuff happenin', if you know what I mean.
Chief: Oh, no, Greg. I'm just having an out-of-body experience.
Greg: Oh, well, that's all fine and good, Chief, but what about her?
Chief: Oh, well, just do the contest, while we're still waking up.
Greg: Oh, okay. Sure, Chief. Here are today's winners. (winners are shown)
All: Congratulations to today's winners.
Greg: Thanks a lot, ladies. (does the contest rules) Each day--
Chief: Uh, allow us.
All Chiefs: Each day, we'll pick 5 people who's lists are correct and send them each a Carmen T-Shirt.
Greg: Very nice. Okay, Chief. Now, explain the 3rd one.
Chief: Well, obviously, my out-of-body experience is having an out-of-body experience.
Greg: Obviously. (exits the office)
Chief: Mm-hmm. Nice work, ladies.
Greg: You know, the Chief is not the only one that can do that trick. Check this out. (shows an out-of-body experience of himself, which appears to be jumping in the air) Whoa-whoa-whoa, what a feelin'! Phone Tap.
Greg: (after he and the Gumshoes constantly try to pronounce "Mt. Aconcagua" properly) How we doin' on that, Word Queen? I'll tell you what, I don't know how to say it exactly. But it is... Is it okay? Say it 1 time for us. Here's the Word Queen, Pinch.
Pinch: Mount Aconcagua.
Greg: ...Is the right answer!
(as the Chief, Greg, and the Gumshoes travel to New Jersey)
Greg: Calm yourself, Chief. This raft is unsinkable and I'm steerin'.
Chief: It's not the raft I'm worried about, Greg!
René: Lucy the Elephant.
Greg: Uh, yes, this is a 7 story elephant-- Or it's a building in the-- I'm havin' trouble on it. It's like a building. It's shaped like an elephant. Used to be hotel. Is that-- That's enough? Go, buddy. (the trilon has trouble turning around completely and Rockapella make elephant trumpets as Greg comes up to check it out) Wait a s-- It's still in there! There goes Lucy! It's not gonna turn.
Rockapella: Low budget!
Greg: Okay. We turn 'em back around. Turn 'em back around. Just a reminder, folks. It's Viewers Like You that keep us on the air every week.
Rockapella: (each time the fugu is revealed)
Swiped sushi!
Burgled blowfish!
Fugu-bubu!
Pilfered poisoned puffer!
Kneemoi: 92 planets, 92 jail cells. My frequent prisoner miles are really adding up. I'll give Carmen a free trip to Roddenberry. Go find her in Africa.

A Disaster Aria [4.33] [edit]

[Contessa steals the Manaus Opera House.]

Carmen: Contessa, go to a mountainous country on the Adriatic Sea. Until recently, brutal dictators kept it one of the most isolated nations on earth.
Contessa: Carmen, darling I can isolation in prison! Don't you have a more inspired chore?
Carmen: You want inspiration? Then, learn about Besa. When people in this country give their word, their Besa, they do almost anything not to break it.
Contessa: Oh, honesty is so boring. Surely there is something for me to do.
Carmen: Well, the country does have some of the worlds largest Chromite deposits. You can kill time checking out your reflection.
Chief: (at the end of the 1st round) And our ACME Voice Identification Badge and Leave A Message Wallet. (opens it up, revealing an image of the Contessa) It's our secret weapon in a fight against Carmen and her gang, right? (presses a button)
Chief: (on recorder) Right. Well, sorta.
Chief: Sorta-- Sorta?! Oh, I'm not paying you to say sorta! Greg!
Greg: (as he, the Chief, and the gumshoes prepare for departure to Honshu Island, Japan) Work. Okay, guys, time for us to go off--
Chief: Greg, would you please take that jacket to the cleaners?! That ketchup stain's been on there since last season.
Greg: She does have a point. You guys ready to go? We're goin' to Sado. Come on. Grab the hat. Out the door. Somebody grab me! I got the Chief! We're goin' to Sado.
Greg: (while traveling) Well, Chief, I did it. I rounded up a posse.
Chief: Next time, Greg, uh, let's try it with live horses.
Contessa: Prison life is so uncivilized! 600 cells and not a room service menu in sight! Tell Carmen this is more than I can bear. She went to North America.

Steel Felon Steals Steel Phantom [4.34] [edit]

[Robocrook steals the Steel Phantom from West Mifflin, Pennsylvania]

Greg: (after the office segment) You know, I gotta tell you, it's kinda embarassing having two grown people actin' like that about a silly little dog movie. (laughs) ("Frou-Frou" starts barking) (runs back to the office) FROU-FROU!!! FROU-FROU!!!
Carmen: Get that coaster rolling to the capital of Morocco. Look for Couscous and Harira.
Robo: Those words are not in my database.
Carmen: They're Arabic words from Morocco's spicy soups and stews. People there also eat Pigeon Pie and salads with liver and lamb brains.
Robo: Those foods are not in my database.
Carmen: Robo, not everyone thinks gear oil is fine dining. People have different tastes. Some Moroccans have different table manners, too. They think metal utensils taste bad and carry germs, so they eat with their fingers, instead.
Robo: Carmen, what will I do? My fingers are metal utensils.
Greg: (as he, the Chief, and the gumshoes prepare for departure to Kathmandu Valley, Nepal) Thank you, Buddy. Okay, guys, time for us to go to Kathmandu Valley--
Chief: Greg!
Greg: Yes?
Chief: Oh, Greg, watch out! You're wiping your jacket on my nose!
Greg: I'm sorry! Gee whiz. Okay, guys, ready to go? You got the hat. You got the door. I got the Chief. We are on our way to Kathmandu.
Chief: (while traveling) Greg, if we could ski on this, we can ski on anything.
Greg: Good thing, Chief. The hot lava fields are just ahead.
Robo: RoboCrook Unit-059 calling. According to my default program, when imprisoned for more than 11 seconds, I automatically rat on my owner. Look for Carmen in South America.

The Acropolis Topple Fuss [4.35] [edit]

[Eartha Brute steals the Acropolis.]

Greg: They're back from their big world tour with Gumby. Give it up for 'em.
Rockapella: Rockapella! Whoo-hoo!
Chief: (in a depressed tone) Greg, would you come in here please?
Greg: Well, sure, Chief. I'll be right there. You know what, this is weird, but I've never seen her this upset. I'll be right back. Hold on. (enters the office where she is packing her things) Chief, what are you doing?
Chief: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm packing my bags.
Greg: But, Chief, listen. The Office Wiener-Roast isn't for a couple of months yet! What are you-- (helps the Chief pack her hat rack)
Chief: Well, I've been let go.
Greg: Let go of what, Chief?
Chief: My job. (sobs) I'm no longer the Chief. They've given me a promotion. It's a disaster.
Greg: Well, I'm not following you, Chief.
Chief: Well, it's really quite simple, Greg.
Greg: Yeah.
Chief: See, they made you the new Chief.
Greg: This is a disaster. There must be some mistake here. Tell you what, Chief. I'm gonna make a few calls. You go ahead and do the contest on your own. Okay?
Chief: All right. (does the contest rules while packing a big plastic pickle)
Greg: Okay, thanks a lot. And congratulations to all the winners. Okay. (hangs up the phone) It's done.
Chief: I can stay?!
Greg: That's right! You can stay. But you know, 'til they process all the paperwork, I'm still technically the Chief. So--
Chief: Greg?
Greg: Yeah?
Chief: Go away.
Greg: Okay. (exits the office)
Chief: Here you go. (she hangs up a hang-up turkey)
(Greg returns to the gumshoes, where Pinch, dressed in his attire, awaits by the monitor)
Pinch: Okay, gumshoes, it's time for one of my favorite parts of the show. It's time for the Thunder Round!
Greg: Pinch! Pinch! Pinch! Pinch! What's the deal?
Pinch: I'm the new host.
Greg: (laughs) We gotta talk.
Both: Phone Tap.
Greg: (as he, the chief, and the gumshoes prepare for departure to Geneva, Switzerland) Thank you, Chief. Okay, you guys ready to travel--
Chief: Greg, remind Mrs. Pumpkinclanger to take in our mail.
Greg: Okay, great idea, Chief. You know, by the way, (notices her as a still image on the screen smiling) you're lookin' kinda stiff today. (laughs) Okay, guys, you're ready to go to Switzerland? Mary, take my hat. Laqwanna, get the door. Out we go. We're goin' to Switzerland, folks.
Chief: (while traveling) Greg, I hope the gumshoes are strapped in tightly.
Greg: Yep, I crazy glued 'em to their seats for safety.
Rockapella: (each time the Acropolis is revealed)
Copped Acropolis!
Heisted Hilltop!
Temple-Ectomy!
Parthenon, begone!
Zeus on the loose!
The gods must be crazy!
Robbed Ruins!
Any day now!
Rockapella: (each time the shoeprints are revealed)
Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!
Medic!
Oh, yeah! But no!
(operatic tone) LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Greg: St. Bernard Tunnel. (The Warrant is revealed to Greg's Surprise) OH!!!
Rockapella: The Warrant!
Laqwanna: Glac--
Greg: Oh!
Laqwanna: Glacier Gard--
Greg: Wait a minute! Hold! Wait a second! The Loot! The Warrant! We're looking for the crook. I think you know where she is.
Laqwanna: Glacier Gardens.
Greg: (to the board; shouting) Is she still... at Glacier... GARDENS!? (Eartha is revealed)
Rockapella: (sing) Eartha Brute! HUH! You've won! (sings their fanfare as the confetti falls on Laqwanna)
Eartha: (groans) This prison gym is terrible! I can only bench press 1,000 pounds! Make Carmen bring me more weights. You'll find her in Africa.

The Greedhouse Effect [4.49] [edit]

[Grunge steals Butchart Gardens.]

Greg: Now, for our next clue, we go to an average superhero with a above average costume. (a fanfare plays) Here... Is... (the set darkens and an "A" appears on the floor) ...ACME MAAAN!!!!
Rockapella: Look Out! Look Out! Ow! ACME Man! ACME Man! If he can do it, maybe anyone can!
Greg: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
(a man in a restraunt is having a drink and is about to add what appears to be salt to his fries, when ACME Man darts in)
ACME Man: Not so fast, my friend! The salt in that shaker is not what it appears to be. Allow me, ACME Man, to change it, while I give a clue to my friends at ACME. (cracks his knuckles, rolls his head, stretches, then the man hands him the shaker) Ha-ha-ha! (shoots lightning bolts from his fingertips into the shaker) Grunge is hiding in the Appalachian Mountains. You'll find him near the place where Kentucky, Tennesse, and Virgina all meet. (his lightning bolts malfunction and he accidentally shoots them in the man's shoulder) Sorry. (his bolts work again, and back to the salt shaker) It's were Daniel Boone placed his wilderness trail back in 1775. A trail which made it easier for settlers to go west! (his bolts stop, then he splatters some of the salt behind him, and hands the shaker back to the man) There you are, my friend. You may never know how close you came to putting sugar on your fries instead of salt. Are you not impressed? Of course you are! Am I not the greatest superhero of all time? Of course I am! For I am ACME Man! And I am going away! (he runs off smashing through glass)
Rockapella: ACME MAN!!!
Greg: (after showing an out-of-body experience of himself but younger) Huh? Huh? I'm working on that. Phone Tap.
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Ah-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Greg: Just stay right here. Sounds like my next door neighbor, Mrs. Pumpkinclanger has her nickers in a knot again. Mrs. Pumpkinclanger, hey, what is botherin' you?!
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: You're bothering me? Nothing. Notta as in nick-knot-near-noola. Zero. In fact, zero zero to be precise. You see, Top Grunge went to a west African country on the Gulf of Guinea. It's capital Accra is closer to zero degress latitude and zero degress longitude than any other capital city. Year ago, zero zero, and if you don't get after that awful Grunge person, it will be an enormous no-no.
Greg: So, you're okay?
Mrs. Pumpkinclanger: Well, yeah. (closes her curtains and her window drops)
Greg: Just thought I'd check. Little neighbor that I am.
Greg: (as he, the chief, and the gumshoes prepare for departure to Berlin, Germany) Okay, guys, it's time for us to go to Germany--
Chief: Greg!
Greg: Yeah, Chief?
Chief: Oh, Greg, be careful! You're knocking my head with your sleeve!
Greg: I'm sorry about that Chief. (shakes the screen) Okay, guys, grab the hat. Grab the door. I got the Chief. We're goin' to Germany. Here we go. Blastin' out-- We are blastin' outta here! Whoo! Whoo!
Greg: (while traveling) So, this button turns off the anti-gravity?
Chief: Yeah, and this button turns it back on.
Rockapella: (sings more sophisticated as Grunge is revealed both times in the 2nd round) Top Grunge
Greg: Hello? You like indiglass joke? Thank you. Well, thanks. We worked on it about 5 seconds actually. Yeah. What's that? She's right here. Okay. (hands Andrea the phone) It's for you.
Grunge: This jail cell is awful! No matter where I stand, I'm never more than 12 feet away from the soap. (sneezes) And it's all Carmen's fault! Go get her in Asia. (sneezes)

The Off-Course Norse Course [4.50] [edit]

[Double Trouble steal the Viking Route to Newfoundland.]

Greg: Hey, they're just back from their sold out shows at the hole in the ozone layer...
Rockapella: Rockapella!
Greg: Ooh! Very nice. And as you know, the one of you who catches Carmen Sandiego today will get that trip to anywhere in North America, and as we say on the show, That is not bad!
Greg: Hey, Chief! Chief W-- What a minute, what is this? (sees a bag on her desk) I'll tell you whatever this is, it smells quite good. (pulls food out of the bag and sets it on the floor) As a matter of fact, I think there's food in here, and I do not think the Chief would mind if I had myself a little taste (starts eating it with chopsticks) Oh, this is great.
Chief: (walks in with a box) Oh, there you are, Greg.
Greg: Hi, Chief.
Chief: Hi.
Greg: I hope you don't mind I was just gettin' a little taste.
Chief: Oh, no. Have as much as you want.
Greg: Thanks a lot. (the Chief sets down the box) You sure you're not hungry? I mean this is delicious stuff.
Chief: Oh, no. That food's not for me.
Greg: Really. Who's it for?
Chief: (pulls a dog out of the box) It's for my dog.
Greg: It's for your dog?
Chief: Uh-huh. It's gourmet dog food for my cute little puppy.
Greg: Really? I believe it's actually quite good. (laughs) Mmm. (gives a taste with his fingers, then starts barking)
Chief: I think this is a good time to show today's contest winners. (Winners are shown while Greg is whimpering) (Chief does the contest information) (Greg is barking while eating out of a bowl with "Greg's" written in front of it and the puppy tries to join in, but the Chief pulls it back) Greg, stop it!
Greg: What?
Chief: Oh, you're eating dog food, for cryin' out loud!
Greg: Chief, come on. Do you really think I would eat dog food for a gag? Come on. (laughs)
Chief: Well, then I guess you're right.
Greg: Yeah.
Chief: It's probably just refried beans. Right?
Greg: Yeah, whatever. (drops the napkin on the desk and exits the office)
Chief: I'm sure it's not real. I mean, he wouldn't eat dog food, would he? No, he woul-- (she is holding the puppy near the bowl and the puppy starts eating)
Greg: (whistling while carrying a big bone) What? Old habits die hard. Phone Tap.
Carmen: Boys, head for an Asian country east of South Korea. Writers there started a form of poetry called Haiku.
Double Trouble: Poetry? We love rhyming! That's why our name is Double Trouble, Charmin' Carmen.
Carmen: A traditional Haiku doesn't rhyme. It's a short verse using nature or the seasons as a theme. A Haiku is just 3 lines long and exactly 17 syllables.
Double Trouble: Whoa! You have to count?
Carmen: It's not that tough, boys. Here's a Haiku I just wrote.
Cash, green as spring grass.
Jewels, glistening like snow.
Theft, always in season.
Double Trouble: Carmen, that's the sweet sound of poetic injustice.
Greg: (as he, the Chief, and the gumshoes prepare for departure to Montevideo, Uruguay) Thank you, Chief. We're late! We're on our way to Uruguay! Let's go, guys!
Chief: (while traveling) Greg, are the gumshoes on-board?
Greg: (imitating a ship captain's voice) Yes, we're meeting for shuffleboard over main deck at 2:00.
Chief: Marvelous!
Greg: Cunapiru Dam. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Sean: No cussing!
Rockapella: (becomes off-guard as Double Trouble are first revealed) Double Trouble! Double Trouble! Double Trouble!
Greg: Yeah, this of course is (points to their image and sings) Double Trouble!
Rockapella: YIIIII!!!
Chief: (at the end of the 2nd round) Hey, don't let those criminals get you down. (shows an organizer) Watch this. (presses a button which causes static) Okay. That's the button that turns off the TV. Now, this is the one that lets you write secret messages. And this the one that zaps it through the air to another secret sender. What else does this baby do? It stores names and addresses. Keeps your busy schedule organized. Leaves your daily horoscope. And if I press this button, yep. (the ACME Travel Pack is shown upside-down) That's the one that shows the ACME Travel Pack. Upside-down. LEMKE!!
Double Trouble: That Carmen's a party pooper. We've been in jail for 17 seconds already, and she hasn't even visited yet! Look for her in South America.

Season 5 [edit]

Learned Kneemoi [5.7] [edit]

[Kneemoi steals the Tai Chi Chuan from China.]

Chief: This is Kneemoi
Rockapella: (singing): Kneemoi
Chief: She's robbed 52 planets in 12 dimensions, but is so darn cute it's beyond comprehension. Her last known whereabouts: China. On any given morning in China, you'll see people in gardens, parks, and on rooftops performing a series of curious looking stretches. These exercises called Tai Chi Chuan are a workout for both the mind and body. Tai Chi movements with unusual names like storks, spreads, wings, and bend bow, and shoot tiger require a good deal of strength and great concentration. The chinese consider Tai Chi a kind of medicine and believe it helps prevent or cure illness. At least they believed it until today...
Rockapella: (singing): Crime!
Chief: ...when Kneemoi made a surprise visit to China. She saw all that balance and discipline and decided she wanted some too. Using Roddenberrian mind meld which kind of tickles, she burgled everyones brain and removed all knowledge of Tai Chi from their heads. Now, no one's got the moves but Kneemoi. Gumshoes, you've got to unravel the riddle of today's case...
Rockapella: (singing): Woo-woo-ooo-oo
The Chief: ...LEARNED KNEEMOI!
Carmen: I want you to do some time traveling, Kneemoi.
Kneemoi: Ooh, you mean like going back to the future?
Carmen: No, like going across time zones. North America is divided into 10 of them and each zone usually means a one hour difference in time. Hide in Alberta province where it's one hour earlier than in a central time zone.
Kneemoi: You earthlings are too hung up on time. When you're talking light-years, an hour doesn't make any difference.
Carmen: Well, no one cared much how time was measured until the railroads came along. Then time had to be standardized so trains could keep to a schedule.
Kneemoi: Now, that gives me a fun idea. Why don't I steal the time zone? (laughs)
Rockapella: (Each time the Tai Chi Chuan is revealed in the 2nd Round):
Meditation mishap!
Holistic heist!
Chi chi chi bang bang!
Kneemoi: Prison sports are really fun! I get used as a Frisbee, a dartboard, and a second base! Carmen should see me play. But she's in South America. Go find her.

I Know Why No Rhino [5.15] [edit]

[Grunge steals Zimbabwe's black rhinos]

Chief: Greg?
Greg: Yeah?
Chief: Would you come in here, please?
Greg: Yeah, Chief. I'll be right there. Lemme check with the Chief. I'll meet you guys out in the alley in just a moment. You guys come with me (enters the office) Chief, what's up?
Chief: There's something wrong with my darn desk! I can't get any work done! Watch this.
Greg: Okay.
(she picks up a pencil and drops it on the desk)
Voice: Oh.
Chief: See? I does that whenever I try to touch it. Look. (touches her desk)
Greg: Sure.
Voice: Oh. Oh.
Greg: Absolutely. Chief, let me tell you somethin'. (pulls out a stethoscope) It just so happens that I happen to be a board certified deskinarian specializing in desktop medicine.
Chief: You're a what?
Greg: I'm a deskinarian. And I'll tell you what. From what I've heard right now, your desk is in a lotta pain.
Chief: Why would my desk be in pain?
Greg: It could be you know one of many reasons, Chief, but I'll tell you, I'm not gonna waste anymore time. I'm gonna take a look if you don't mind. (places the stethoscope on the desk) Uh, cough please. (the Chief coughs) Not you. I'm talkin' to the--
(the voice coughs)
Chief: Oh! Oh, this is ridiculous. Oh, better do the contest or we'll be here forever. (does the contest rules)
Greg: Lift!
Chief: Lift?
(the desk arises)
Greg: Aha, Chief! (the desk has moving legs) I think I've found the problem. You wanna come down here and take a look? Uh-huh. Let me get that. Here, take a look at this. Right here. (shows a thistle) See that? It's a needle.
Chief: Looks like a thistle to me.
Greg: You're neddle a thistle the thing I have to do here is the same. (pulls out the thistle) All right, that should feel better, boy. I want you to go home and stay in bed for 3 days.
(the desk walks off)
Greg: What?
Chief: Why did you send it home?!
Greg: Chief, it just had major surgery. You can't expect it to go right back to work, and I'll tell you what else. I would get a nice get well card if I were you. Because everyone knows desks have feelings, too. (hands the Chief the thistle and exits the office leaving the Chief crawling while looking for a desk)

The Cuba Missing Crisis [5.19] [edit]

[Double Trouble steal Cuba]

Rockapella: (as Cuba is first revealed in the 2nd round) (off-key a bit) Havana Vanish!
Greg: (laughs) You guys wanna hit that one more time?
Rockapella: (on-key again) Havana Vanish!
Double Trouble: We were partners in crime. We should be cellmates in jail, but the warden wants to split up this dream team. Carmen's layin' low in North America. Tell 'er she's gotta help!

Take a Byte Out of Crime [5.20] [edit]

[Robocrook steals the Internet.]

Chief: Gumshoes, it's up to you to solve today's system glitch.
Rockapella (singing): Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: TAKE A BYTE OUT OF CRIME!
Carmen: Robo, lay low on an island that borders the Coral Sea. Whatever you do, don't pet the birds.
Robo: How can I get in touch with my warm human side if you keep me away from coddling critters?
Carmen: You wouldn't want to get in touch with some pitohuis. It's the world's first known poisonous bird. Contact with it's feathers or skin causes a numbing sensation.
Robo: Like watching reruns of Star Trek?
Carmen: More like getting pins and needles. Scientists thought the pitohui's bright feathers were meant to attract mates, but now believe they maybe a warning against the poison.
Robo: Which reminds me, Carmen. It's time to change my anti-freeze.
Greg: Old Cowtown Museum. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: (barking)
Greg: I don't get that.
Scott: We don't either.
Greg: Eisenhower Library. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: We like Ike! But no!
Rockapella: (as Robo is first revealed) (imitates a buzzer sound) Robocrook! Robocrook! Robo--
(crowd gasps)
Greg: I'm sorry, that's-- (laughs) Surprised Rockapella on that one.
Greg: (a puppet appears with the phone) Oh, hey, look at that! A puppet! (the puppet nods its head, gives Greg the phone, and leaves) Thank you, Mr. Puppet. Hey! Hello? Yeah, she's right here. Hold on a second. We just got this phone from the puppet. (hands Lauren the phone) There ya go.
Lauren: Hello?
Robo: A virus has infected my system's software. It causes me to divulge Carmen's location. You'll find her in North America. Please! Don't say that I sent you.

A Frank Case of Theft [5.21] [edit]

[Contessa steals the Anne Frank House from Amsterdam, Netherlands.]

Greg: (tied with Scott as the rest of Rockapella are waving from the window behind them) Hey, listen, they're with me everyday.
Scott: (sings) SCOTT LEONARD!!!
Greg: (points to the rest of Rockapella) Rockapella. (laughs) Quick reminder to you guys. The one of you that catches Carmen Sandiego today is gonna get that trip to anywhere in North America...
Scott: (finishes) And that isn't bad!
Greg: Yeah!
Carmen: This is no time for shopping, Contessa. ACME's on to us. Hide out in Asmara. It's the capital of an African country on the Red Sea.
Contessa: Asmara? Oh, the name sounds almost Italian, but Italy's not on the Red Sea.
Carmen: Why, Contessa! Using your head for something besides big hats? Yes, Asmara's in a country that was occupied by Italy for a long time, and the Italian influence is still strong.
Contessa: Oh, I can taste the cappuccino already!
Carmen: And the pizza and the pasta. You'll also find elegant villas, palaces, and charming cafes. Italy left this country over 50 years ago, but there's still a small Italian community living in Asmara.
Contessa: Ah, Italian style. It never goes out of fashion.
(Rockapella parodies The Carpenters' "Top of the World")
(Jeff does a quick percussion solo)
Scott: Gumshoe clue is comin' over me.
And he wants you to look down under the sea.
Off the coast of Guam,
Where the water's sometimes warm.
There's a valley kind of thing 7 miles deep.
Explorers oughta reach its deep, dark floor.
You might ask yourself "What would they do that for?".
They might find some living things.
All your knowledge is my dream.
'Cause you know no one's been down that far before.
I'm on the...
All: Top of the Ocean, lookin'
Down on Contessa,
And her looting's unsuccessful. You will find.
Better rent a submarine
To bring back that thievin' queen.
And we'll put you on the Top of the World.
Scott: And we'll...
All: ...Put you on the Top of the World. (they notice a big fish) Dive. (they set off fast)
Greg: (upon materializing with the gumshoes in the Pacific Ocean) (exhales) Oh! Where am I? Oh, the Pacific Ocean. Let's go this way. Oh. (they walk to the Jailtime Challenge board)
Rockapella: (sings their fanfare; Adam goes to the chain before Greg approaches him and Stephanie)
Greg: Yeah! Yeah! He's goin'! Go, buddy! Go! (laughs) You know what to do. Yeah. (Adam pulls the chain; Rockapella does Contessa's in jail tune)
Greg: Really, Adam. Nice job. Run away from me. You know what you're doin'.
Contessa: This prison food is so dreadfully boring! I can't even get a jar of Grey Poupon! Maybe Carmen could help. But she's in Europe. Go find her.

Latitude Adjustment [5.46] [edit]

[Robocrook steals the Equatorial Monument from Mitad del Mundo, Ecuador.]

Barry (English accent; during the Office Sketch): The concept of a giant duck at the center of the Earth is fictional, and is intended solely for entertainment purposes. The center of the Earth actually consists of a lot of complicated gases and minerals that would take a long time to explain, and aren't very funny, anyway.
Greg: (when he goes into the alley getting ready for his training exercise) Okay, guys, little train--
Voice: OOOOOOOOOOOHH! (The alley is shaking like a earthquake, Greg protects two of the gumshoes from being blown away While The Third Is Sitting But Is Not Protected By Greg)
Greg: Whoa, hold on! Wait a minute! FEED THE COW!! FEED THE COW!!
Robo: A virus has infected my system's software. It causes me to divulge Carmen's location. You'll find her in Asia. Please! Don't say that I sent you.

Art So Nice, They Stole it Twice [5.48] [edit]

[Sarah Nade steals the painting The Scream]

Sarah: Aw, man! This prison life is bogus! The guard just confiscated my tattoo! Carmen's gotta spring me. But she's in Asia. Go find her.

Totem Bites Back [5.49] [edit]

[Kneemoi steals Totem Bight State Park.]

Greg and The Chief: AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!
Greg: You know, Chief, the background music is fun, but, um, I'm just not sure that it's us. You know what I mean?
Chief: You know, I think you're right.
Greg: Yeah.
Chief: You know, I kind of miss good ol' Rockapella. You got it. They're a little goofy, but they did get the job done.
Greg: I agree completely. Totally.
Chief: Speaking of getting the job done...
Greg: All right, Chief. Uh, boys, you wanna sing me out, please? (Rockapella sing the show's theme song and Greg dances out of the office, while the Chief dances along).
Liat: Virgin of Carmen Festival.
Greg: Virgin of Carmen Festival. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: (sings to the tune of their theme song) Ooh-wah! The virgin, ooh-wah!
Greg: Inca Trail. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Rockapella: Elliot's been there!
Greg: Oh, is that right?
Kneemoi: Prison sports are really fun! I get used as a Frisbee, a dartboard, and a second base! Carmen should see me play. But she's in Asia. Go find her.

A Rodent Ran Through It [Finale] [edit]

[Wonder Rat steals the Amazon River.]

Rockapella: (as clowns) Help!
Chief: This is Wonder Rat.
Rockapella: (singing): Wonder Rat
Chief: A wannabe fat cat dressed like a rat with a brain the size of a gnat. His last known whereabouts: South America. High in the Andes Mountains of Peru, the mighty Amazon River begins its 4,000 mile trek across the rain forests of South America. Along the way, hundreds of rivers feed its rush to the Atlantic coast of Brazil where it empties more water into the ocean than any other river in the world. The Amazon basin is home to countless plant and animals species. Most of which we know little or nothing about, but many we have studied provide valuable medicine and knowledge. Or they did until today...
Rockapella: (singing): Oh, no!
Chief: ...when Wonder Rat bravingly breezed into Brazil with a king-sized pump of an industrial strength hose. He switched on his chunk pump, drained the entire Amazon, then whisked the water away. Now, he's using it to fill his big cheese pool. Too bad that ratface forgot that piranhas like rodents as snacks. Gumshoes, grab him before the fish do and solve today's case...
Rockapella: (singing): Woo-woo-ooo-oo
Chief: ...A RODENT RAN THROUGH IT!
Wonder Rat: Know why they call me Wonder Rat? 'Cause it's a wonder that I'd rat on my own boss! (giggles) Carmen scooted to North America. Go get her.
Chief: This is Lynne Thigpen for Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?, and remember the ACME Triangle of Excellence: vigilance, dedication, courage!

Other [edit]

Greg: Nothing there./No./Nope sorry./Good strategy./Nice strategy./I think we checked that one before. (used whenever a Gumshoe finds shoeprints; the latter line is used when the shoeprints are revealed on a location that had already been chosen)
Greg: You sir/ma'am have the loot, and the warrant, can you find (crooks name)?
Crook: (Talking about Carmen's location) Look for her in (name of a continent). - all of season 1
Greg: Here are the possible locations you might be able to find (Crook's Name), (name of Loot), and a warrant for (Crook's name)'s arrest. The first thing you have to find is the loot, that's the evidence need to get a warrant, with the warrant you can arrest the crook. Connect all 3 of those things, in that order, in a single turn, and you get a chance to catch Carmen Sandiego. Catch Carmen Sandiego, you get that trip to anywhere in the lower 48 states/North America. One more thing, [you can pick any locations that you want to, but] if you happen to come upon/happen upon the loot, the warrant, or crook, you get a free turn. - used only in seasons 1-2. The speech in brackets is used in season 1; in season 2, it was changed into "as always". Sometimes both are said in seasons 1-2.
Chief: Remember the ACME Triangle of Excellence: (forms the triangle with her hands) Vigilance, dedication, courage. - used in some season 1 episodes prior to the jailtime challenge; sometimes it's said on episodes through rest of run.
Chief: Begin the ACME Crime Net Countdown.
5 are the senses you need,
4 putting crooks on the run.
3 rounds to fight against greed,
2 be sure justice has 1! - used in some season 1 episodes prior to the jailtime challenge; sometimes this is said on some episodes through the rest of the run
Greg: All of our answers have been verifed by National Geographic World.
Rockapella: (singing) National Geographic World! - In some episodes of seasons two and three where Greg always says it at the start of the first round. In seasons 4 and 5, he says this phrase on every episode.
Chief: I salute you! (holds a magnifying glass on one of her eye) - used throughout almost the entire series.
Sean: He lives a life of danger, our underwater ranger...
All of Rockapella: The one and only Plastic Diver Guy!
Greg: Now it's time for you to go to (name of location) and track down (crook's name) and bring back the (loot), but I want you to know, we do not send our agents out into the field unprepared. Chief, how about a briefing? - used in seasons 1-2
Greg: Okay, guys, now, what we have to do is go to (name of location) to try to find (crook) and the (loot). You guys ready to go? - Season 3.
Chief: Greg!
Greg: Yes?
Chief: Are you and the gumshoes ready to modem?
Greg: We are ready, Chief! Let's do it! (he and the gumshoes inhale deeply as they are sucked into the modem) - Season 5
Greg: You got (crook's name), all you have to do is pull on this chain, put him/her/them in jail. Do it. - used in seasons 1-3
Greg: Okay, guys, just a reminder, you have to get the loot, the warrant, and crook in that order, in a single turn. If you do that, you get a chance to catch Carmen Sandiego. Catch Carmen Sandiego, you will get that trip to anywhere in North America. - used in season 3
Greg: You know how it works. Loot, warrant, and then crook. - used in seasons 4 and 5
Greg: You guys were tied at the end of the last round. We flipped a coin. [Gumeshoe's name], you won that coin toss. So you're gonna go first. Go ahead. - used before the Jailtime Challenge
Greg: We're still looking for (crook), and the (loot). Fortunately for us, ACME Bug Net has just provided us this phone conversation between (crook), and Carmen Sandiego. Watch/Listen. - Seasons 1-3.
Greg: Phone Tap. - Some of Season 3 and most of Season 4
Greg: OK, that sound means we have something coming from ACME Bug Net, so let's go to the Phone Tap. - Season 5
Chief: Greg, I've got an incentive for the Gumshoes. Now, if you catch Carmen Sandiego, I will send you anywhere in the lower 48 states! (applause) Now, you can go on a nice, quiet vacation to (names of numerous U.S. cities). You can go anywhere! But the only way you're gonna win this award is if you catch (crook's name)! Now, get back to work. - used during season 1 when there is no office sketch.
Chief: (emerges from her office) Greg, there's no time to lose. Just tell the gumshoes that the one who captures Carmen Sandiego will win a trip anywhere in North America! / Home audience to (contest rules) (applause) Now, I've just received a Phone Tap from ACME Bug Net. Now, it contains important clues. So, gumshoes, you should watch this carefully. - used during seasons 2-4 when there is no office sketch. The speech in parentenses was only used in seasons 3-4.
Greg: Now it's time for the final clue of the round. Which means you have to decide how much you wanna risk. If you're right, we'll add that amount to your score. But if you're not right, we'll subtract it from your score. You can risk 0, 10, 20, 30, 40 or 50 ACME Crime Bucks. Take a look right over here, if you will, please. Here is a portion of the world where we think (crook) is headed. If you know a lot about the part of this world, you may wanna risk a lot. If you don't know very much about it, you may not wanna risk quite so much. Take a look at the map, and think about it. (some lines were were both dropped in some of season 4 and most of season 5)
Rockapella: The Loot! (most of Season 1, and less often in Seasons 2-5)
Rockapella: The Warrant!
Chief: (Gumshoe's name (season 1 only)), here's a list of places Carmen may have traveled: (names of 12/13 locations). Greg! Take (Gumshoe's name) to the Map! (in seasons 2-5 "Greg! Let's go to the Map!")
Chief: There are 15 places here in (name of location) where you might find (name of crook), the warrant, or (name of loot). Let's look at a few of them. - used in seasons 3-5
Rockapella: (Crook's Name)/The warrant!
Greg: Nice job you got (crook's name)/the warrant, but remember you have to go in the right order. Loot, Warrant, Crook.
Chief: Fine work (gumshoe's name)! And I've upgraded your status from gumshoe to SLEUTH! - Early season 1 if the gumshoe captures Carmen. (only occured 3 times)
Chief: You've done great work today. (she knocks on her desk) And we're proud of you. (Uh... (looks around and sees that her screen isn't popping up) WALTER!!) (the screen pops with the Chief's magnifying glass) I hereby upgrade you! You are now a sleuth! (grabs her magnifying glass) Congratulations! (places the magnifying glass in front of one eye) - Season 2 if the gumshoe does not capture Carmen; the phrases in parentheses is used in most episodes.
Chief: Now, stand tall. You are a member of a very special group. You are a Sleuth! Congratulations! - Season 3.
Chief: You made it. You're a sleuth! Congratulations! - Seasons 4-5.
Chief (sometimes Greg, or both): Every time you watch the show, write down what got stolen and from where. When you've collected 4 loots and locations, put them on a postcard with your name and address, and send it to ACME Crime Net, P.O Box 4300, New York, NY, 10163. Everyday/Each day, we'll pick five people who's list are correct and send them each a Carmen T-Shirt. Here's who won today/Here are today's winners. (Winners are shown) Congratulations to the winners! - Seasons 3-5.
Chief (sometimes Greg, or both): Here are today's winners (Winners are shown). Congratulations to all the winners. If you wanna win, write down what got stolen and from where each time you watch the show, when you've collected 4 loots and locations, put them on a postcard with your name and address, and send it to ACME Crime Net, P.O Box 4300, New York, NY, 10163. Everyday/Each day, we'll pick five people who's list are correct and send them each a Carmen T-Shirt. - Alternate version of the contest rules
Chief: Greg, (crook's name) has stolen (name of loot) and there's no time to lose. (Now,) Here's the profile on (Crook). - used in season 2

Crook Jingles [edit]

  • All crook jingles are sung by Rockapella.
  • The Contessa- Ooh... ahh... ahh... ooh... Contessa!
  • Top Grunge- (motorcycle sounds; then in a gruffly voice) Top- Top- Top Grunnnnnnnnge!
  • Double Trouble- (scat) Double Trouble (Trouble)! (2x)
  • Vic the Slick- (does a few seconds of scatting) Vic the Slick!
  • Robocrook- (robotic sounds) Robocrook! (2x)
  • Patty Larceny- P-P-P-Patty (scats for a few seconds) Patty Larceny!
  • Wonder Rat- He's Wonder Rat! The fabulous Wonder Rat! The mighty Wonder Rat!
  • Eartha Brute- Eartha Brute, Sha do ba do, bop sho bop, Eartha Brute! (HUH!)
  • Kneemoi- Moi Moi Knee-knee-knee-knee-knee-Kneemoi Knee-knee-knee-knee-Knee Moi!
  • Sarah Nade- Sarah Naaaaaaaade!
  • The only crook who's jingle was less than three seconds was Sarah Nade.

The "in jail" tune [edit]

The following crooks had their "in jail" tune ended as " 's in jail!"

  • Patty Larceny (alternate tune used in seasons 1-2)
  • Vic the Slick
  • Double Trouble (alternate tune used in seasons 1-2)
  • Robocrook (Seasons 1-2)
  • The Contessa (accompanied by a yell in seasons 4-5)

"In jail!"

  • Eartha Brute
  • Top Grunge ("Grunge" and "in jail" are blended together)
  • Sarah Nade
  • Wonder Rat
  • Kneemoi
  • Robocrook (Seasons 3-5)
  • The only crook who ever used both tunes was Robocrook.

Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego? (game show) [edit]

Jacqueline Hyde: ("Jacqueline" mode) Hi, Carmen! I was just playing catch with my uncle. ("Hyde" mode) Boy, is he hard to throw!
Dr. Belljar: Eureka, Carmen! I've perfected a way to mash potatoes... inside their skin! (giggles manically)
Chief: Time Pilots, (villan's name) just stole something from the past. You've got... (turns knob) ...28 minutes to get it back, or history will change forever!
Chief: And here's your Time Pilot squadron leader, Kevin Schinick!
(Kevin fools around in his room)
Chief: Kevin? KEVIN!
(Kevin reacts and gets to work) - used in season 2
Chief: It comes complete with headphones.
(Alaine Kashian pops up wearing telephones over her ears)
Chief: I sincerely apologize for that joke.
Kevin: Pilots, that alert means we've got a Nano-probe intercept coming from V.I.L.E Headquarters. Watch the viewscreen.
(the screen shows Carmen sitting at her desk with Medeva appearing onscreen)
Medeva: It began in the 60's, a kind of music puree.
Jamaican sounds met R&B, producing Reggae.
Bob Marley and the Wailers were a #1 band.
By the 70's their fame spread to every land.
Reggae's soothing rhythms made you want to relax.
But there was talk of revolution on the vocal tracks.
Bob Marley gave voice to Jamaica's poor.
With hits like Redemption Song, Jammin' and more.
But now it's 1981.
And this Reggae King's time on earth is done.
For the next million years, which is a witches lifespan.
The Mighty Medeva will be a Reggae fan.
(laughs evily as her face vanishes)
Kevin: Let's warp to the time of the crime! - used after the first clue in season 1; used to start the game in season 2
Kevin : At ACME Time Net, history is our job, and the future is yours! - closing line

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? (computer game; third version) [edit]

  • You're becoming quite a good detective, Detective, but no one can catch Carmen Sandiego.
    • Carmen Sandiego
  • Do you really think you can catch me? Remember, Carmen Sandiego is never far away, but always out of reach.
    • Carmen Sandiego
  • Hello and welcome to ACME, I'm the Chief. But you can call me...well...'the Chief.' We're in the business of tracking down thieves, and we're ultimately after one: Carmen Sandiego! Every creep we've ever collared has been working for her!
    • The Chief
  • You can try to inform me, but I'LL NEVER CHANGE!
    • Ken U. Sparadime
  • To coin a phrase, I didn't think you coppers had the "cents" to catch me.
    • Penny Pincher
  • How did I get caught in such a seedy crime? That evidence you weeded through was planted!
    • Herb Aside
  • You made life tough for Miss Ann Stuf; and now a lot fewer people will be missing their stuff.
    • The Chief
  • Oh no, you found me! I wonder where I blew it?
    • Dinah Myte
  • VILE's villans have vexed Vietnam. Someone's took all of the water from the Mekong River. How could they steal a jillion gallons of water without being seen? I don't know. Very sneakily, I'll bet. Now, vamoose to Vietnam and reign in that river wrangler!
    • The Chief
  • Chief: You did it! We've been trying to do it for years and you finally did it! You captured the elusive ringleader of V.I.L.E., the one and only Carmen Sandiego! YAY! [waves pom-poms before tossing them aside] And you did it just in time, too, because we've just discovered the real plan: to steal ACME HQ! She came this...[makes a gesture with thumb and finger that's only half an inch apart]...close...to putting us all out of commission for good, so she could steal the world's treasures unchallenged!
Carmen: Well, well, you've proven yourself to be a good detective, detective. But you'll never guess what plans I'm unfolding next. I'll see you around, even if you don't see me.
Chief: You put a stop to it! You foiled her ultimate heist, and you saved all our skins! Catching Carmen and saving ACME itself makes you one of the greatest detectives of all time! I DOUBLE SALUTE YOU! AH! [she waves one pom-pom while holding her magnifying glass up to her right eye, and confetti falls] That's why we are immortalizing you in the ACME Detective Hall of Fame! [gumshoe's name is added to the hall of fame] When future generations speak of history's greatest crime stoppers, your name will be spoken in awestruck, reverent tones! Super sleuth, the world is sleeping safer all because of you! This is the Chief, signing out.
    • after Carmen is caught

Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego? (computer game; third version) [edit]

  • Help you? But I am a nobleman, it very uncommon for me to help commoners.
    • Baron duPont
  • When we spoke of "defeeting" King George, that's not exactly what we meant.
    • Benjamin Franklin, when presented with the left foot from a statue of King George III
  • [sweet voice] My dear ACME agents, I know you're only doing your job, [modulated voice] but you won't keep me locked up for long, losers!
    • Jacqueline Hyde, a villian with a split personality, on being captured
  • You may have taken the wind out of this doctor's sail, but I doubt if you'll put Carmen in jail!
    • Dr. Belljar, a villian on being captured
  • Dream on, detectives. You've got me under control for now, but there's a meltdown coming soon and her name is Carmen Sandiego.
    • Jane Reaction, a villian on being captured
  • You caught up with me again, agents! But you'll never accelerate fast enough for a collision with Carmen!
    • Jane Reaction, a villian on being captured
  • Thomas Edison: Someone really needs to invent a more convenient store - open twenty-four hours a day.
  • Ivan Idea: Wow, Edison really does think ahead of his time!
  • Hello, this is Joe. What? They want to borrow thread?! It's the middle of the night!! Listen close, guard, do NOT give those rascals a spool of thread! Tell 'em to come back in the morning when we're open!
    • Joe, a cranky owner of the thread shop, talking to a guard on the phone

Carmen Sandiego: Word Detective [edit]

  • Agent 12: Agent 12 reporting
Chase Devineaux: [over a radio] Go ahead, 12. What do you see?
Agent 12: Sand, sir, nothing but sand.
Chase Devineaux: Then you're not looking hard enough. The Tower has to be there.
[The ground starts shaking]
Chase Devineaux: The coordinates say you're practically on top of it.
[The Tower rises up from right under Agent 12's feet]
  • Carmen: Take these keys and hide them; and not under your pillow like the last time. Somewhere hard to find.
  • Carmen: So long agents, so glad you could... drop in. AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Wikipedia

Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego Chief Lassie

Source: https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Where_in_the_World_Is_Carmen_Sandiego%3F_%28TV_show%29